Raine_ Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I'm 13 and I identify as ace. I haven't had any interest in sex and I don't understand why people are so obsessed with it???? Anyway, I'm just wondering if I'm not 'really' ace. Like maybe everyone is right and when I get older I'd understand what all the fuss is about? Maybe they're right and I'd want to do it and I would actually be sexually attracted to someone and I just need to have sex first and find out if I actually don't want it? Am I really ace?? It's confusing though since lots of people my age are open to the idea of having sex in the future, and they believe it's a part of a healthy relationship. Some boys even want to do it and would happily do it now. They say they need it and that sex is a key feature of a relationship and a relationship would be pretty pointless without it. They wouldn't have a relationship without sex. When I came out as ace on my social media I got a lotta messages saying the classic 'you're too young to know' and 'how do you know if you haven't tried it yet?' and now I'm just doubting. I just wish I didn't come out like that cuz now if I was wrong everybody would be saying shit like 'I told you so' and I really do think I'm ace but what if I'm not? What is even going onnnnnnn???? 😣 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hotarugarde von Bingen Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Use whatever label works for you now! If you feel like asexual is a good label for you in the present, use it! If it changes in the future, change it! The future is exactly that- the future. What matters is making the best of the present. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karst Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 You're not required to stick with the same labels for your whole life. Some people need more time figuring out their identities than others. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Raine_ Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 I get that, but the thing is all this acephobe crap is making me doubt even though I was perfectly fine with my label before I came out like that. Barely anyone fully believes me when I say I'm asexual because, as I've heard a couple of times, 'having sex is part of life', and it makes me feel bad when they say stuff like that cuz it makes me feel like I'm just being an attention seeker and I'm lying. I do believe I'm ace, but most people don't accept me like that so, am I just what they say I am? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catra Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 35 minutes ago, Raine_ said: I'm 13 and I identify as ace. I haven't had any interest in sex and I don't understand why people are so obsessed with it???? Anyway, I'm just wondering if I'm not 'really' ace. Like maybe everyone is right and when I get older I'd understand what all the fuss is about? Maybe they're right and I'd want to do it and I would actually be sexually attracted to someone and I just need to have sex first and find out if I actually don't want it? Am I really ace?? It's confusing though since lots of people my age are open to the idea of having sex in the future, and they believe it's a part of a healthy relationship. Some boys even want to do it and would happily do it now. They say they need it and that sex is a key feature of a relationship and a relationship would be pretty pointless without it. They wouldn't have a relationship without sex. When I came out as ace on my social media I got a lotta messages saying the classic 'you're too young to know' and 'how do you know if you haven't tried it yet?' and now I'm just doubting. I just wish I didn't come out like that cuz now if I was wrong everybody would be saying shit like 'I told you so' and I really do think I'm ace but what if I'm not? What is even going onnnnnnn???? 😣 identify with whatever works best for you! i started identifying as ace young, too. i talked to my friend about sexual attraction when we were 13. she said that although she wasn’t sure if she’d like to have sex just yet, she had imagined doing it with others and enjoyed the idea of having sex with specific people (i say specific to clarify it wasn’t an ambiguous/unidentified person in her mind, it was a person she knew). if you have never had the same thought process, it’s possible you could be ace. it’s also possible you just haven’t experienced sexual attraction yet, which is okay. either way, you can identify as ace right now and simply wait and see if your feelings change. they may change, and they may not. either way, we’ll be here to support you. (p.s. i saw that you responded to someone else in here, but did not @ them or quote what they said. if you want people to see what you said to them, make sure you do one of the methods mentioned ) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 In fairness, you are 13. It's pretty common to not be interested in sex at your age. Of my three best mates one only started desiring sex after 17, the other two after 20. But yeah, we can't label you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Raine_ Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to be in the future but I may as well use whatever label fits me atm. Thanks Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Raine_ Posted April 22, 2019 Author Share Posted April 22, 2019 1 hour ago, catra said: identify with whatever works best for you! i started identifying as ace young, too. i talked to my friend about sexual attraction when we were 13. she said that although she wasn’t sure if she’d like to have sex just yet, she had imagined doing it with others and enjoyed the idea of having sex with specific people (i say specific to clarify it wasn’t an ambiguous/unidentified person in her mind, it was a person she knew). if you have never had the same thought process, it’s possible you could be ace. it’s also possible you just haven’t experienced sexual attraction yet, which is okay. either way, you can identify as ace right now and simply wait and see if your feelings change. they may change, and they may not. either way, we’ll be here to support you. (p.s. i saw that you responded to someone else in here, but did not @ them or quote what they said. if you want people to see what you said to them, make sure you do one of the methods mentioned ) 1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: In fairness, you are 13. It's pretty common to not be interested in sex at your age. Of my three best mates one only started desiring sex after 17, the other two after 20. But yeah, we can't label you. I'll just do whatever suits me atm. Thanks again. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 Probably the first hint I might be ace was at 13. I remember my friends talking about getting girlfriends and having sex with them and I said I wanted a girlfriend but didn’t want sex. They looked at me as if I was weird. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Custard Cream Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 It's going to take you time to know for sure, one way or the other. It's fine not to know yet. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sexual Ally Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I think it's fine to ID as ace and may be 100% accurate. Yes, things may or may not change. But those doubters must remember that many gay and straight ppl knew what their orientation was at 13 or younger without benefit of having had sex. It is very possible to know your sexual orientation before ever (or never) having had sex. The "you're too young to know" argument is also used against gay and trans young ppl. So, choose whatever fits you best now; feel free to keep or discard this label as you choose. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rynn Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I think at 13 you can suspect you're ace, but knowing for sure is a different thing. 36 minutes ago, Sexual Ally said: But those doubters must remember that many gay and straight ppl knew what their orientation was at 13 or younger without benefit of having had sex. I think a lot of people at that age know their romantic orientation, and then extrapolate that out to 'know' their sexual orientation, because to most people those are one and the same thing, but I don't think all of those 13 year olds were like 'Yes, I want to have sex with so and so.' I think for most people experiencing that type of attraction is something that only comes when they're a bit older. Of course I am aware of the double standard society has for straight kids knowing they're straight and gay kids knowing they're gay. I'm not arguing there. That's a good point. People are much more likely to believe you when you say you are straight and cis than when you say you are anything else, and that isn't fair. But I do think it is much easier to know that you are attracted to people of a certain gender than to know that you aren't. To know that you are, you simply need to have the experience of being attracted to someone, and to know that you aren't, you need to have... what experience exactly? How would you 'prove' that to yourself? I'd say 13 is also a bit early for straight or gay kids to say they're sure they're straight or gay. At that age it's still very possible that later on in life you find yourself attracted to someone of a gender you didn't expect to be attracted to, and turn out to be bi after all. Personally, I didn't figure out I was panromantic and not heteroromantic until I was 21. I don't know at what age you can say you are sure, but 13 is a bit early in my opinion. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sexual Ally Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 38 minutes ago, Laurann said: I think at 13 you can suspect you're ace, but knowing for sure is a different thing. For some this is true. That is why I also said, "things may or may not change," and "choose whatever fits you best now; feel free to keep or discard this label as you choose. " I believe I presented both sides, while most of all being terribly aware of wanting to validate the feelings of my target audience, who is a very articulate and brave 13-year-old (who, incidentally, last I checked had received very little validation, even hostility, in another thread she started on AVEN recently). Btw, if yr reading this @Raine_ I'm sorry about that, I'm sure some aces will be responding to that theatd soon, if they've not already:) You also may want to check out the "success stories" thread in the "Asexual Relationships" forum, for an inspiring take on the nuances and possibilities of ace relationships. All the best, @Raine_ 1 Iam9man reacted to this 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I learned about what sex was at 14, and I knew right away that I was disinterested. If I had known about asexuality as an identity back then, I would have adopted it without hesitation. About 20 years later, nothing has changed. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest ANerdyBiromantic Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 When I learned about sex, I was pretty confused and weirded out and I firmly told myself: "this is weird, yes, I may want a relationship but sex? Nah, not really" Fast forward a couple years and I'm still confused about the hype of sex and why people are obsessed with it Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 A belated welcome to AVEN! People generally experience sexual attraction before having sex, so I'd say that you shouldn't have to have sex first. Your feelings could change in the future, but in my case, I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me. I also have the same doubt, even though I'm now 33, that I'm lying to myself and others when I say that I'm Asexual. But that doubt goes away when I ask myself if I experience sexual attraction because the answer is a resounding no. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Little Koala Cake, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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