Question for anyone who experiences romantic attraction

[catra]

hello! so, when you have crushes, do they last when a relationship is achieved? like, has something similar to this ever happened: say you had a crush on your friend, and you eventually asked them out and you two started dating. but, as soon as you were together, your feelings basically vanished. you still liked the person, but you didn't really feel anything romantic. 

 

every crush i've had, except for one, has ended up like this (if i even dated them, usually the crush fades fairly quickly).

 

thanks everyone! 

[SithLord]

Hmmmm. Well, I'm not sure if I've had crushes or squishes because of your exact question. I've only had two relationships, both of which started with what I considered a crush. The first fizzled and died. The relationship went on for a year but we were basically just friends hanging out, so it wasn't really dating. The second is the one I'm still in and has been going strong for a while (we've been together about 5 years). I think it's just something about me, though, since my bf said a few months into our relationship he thought my interest had disappeared and it was over.  

[chairdesklamp]

I think what you're talking about...I feel like I've heard of that having its own name...

[Star Bit]

No, crushes don't always last once entering a relationship, but people normally have this largely fluctuate from crush to crush. It happening every time, and around the same time span, obviously isn't normal. That's why Frayromantic was coined, and it's under the Gray umbrella, but with it being so smack in the middle, it doesn't solidly belong on one side or the other of that spectrum (i.e. Gray-aromantic and Gray-romantic). However, the loss of attraction is likely psychological and perhaps something a therapist can iron out.

[Philip027]

Nope.  I have the opposite condition: my crushes never fade, even after the relationship ends (or even when it's clear a relationship will never even begin).

[lexilovely]

Pretty sure this is called lithromantic!

 

I don't experience that (or I dont really know if I do bc I've never been in a relationship) but I do feel romantic attraction but dont really desire a romantic relationship.

[Iam9man]

I’m romantic and can relate to this, but a crush dissipating “very” quickly depends on your definition of “very”. If it turns out we weren’t as compatible as I thought then my crush could dissipate within days/a few dates. If it turns to a good relationship then the heart pounding crush phase still only lasts a few days to weeks at most. Sometimes it then gets replaced with a “love” phase, which to me feels a bit different (but related).

[Guest]

I can relate. The times when I've had crushes on people and I found out those feelings were mutual, those red-hot crush emotions tapered off rather quickly. For me, it's almost like the hunt is more enjoyable than the kill so to speak.

[Sugar Clouds]

I can't say I relate. Most of the time my crushes are long term and usually are on people I've known or are friends with for many years. But I think maybe what you're talking about might be lithromantic, where you like somebody but once they know you no longer have romantic attraction anymore. Not quite sure though. On the side note, I've never dated, so I can't comment on that part. But I do know crushes can be short term and long term depending on the person. 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

No, my one and only (accidental) partnership started with "love at first sight", that lasted a while intensely, faded, came back with a vengeance and is now calming down again. Life and confusion apparently got in the way.

[KuraTheChibiSleepingBeauty]

9 hours ago, Road said:

I can relate. The times when I've had crushes on people and I found out those feelings were mutual, those red-hot crush emotions tapered off rather quickly. For me, it's almost like the hunt is more enjoyable than the kill so to speak.

Wow! It's the same for me! Well, sort of kind of it's complicated. >.<

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, KuraTheChibiCrystalKitty said:

Wow! It's the same for me! Well, sort of kind of it's complicated. >.<

Basically, romantic feelings are the worst in the best kind of way

[catra]

12 hours ago, Iam9man said:

I’m romantic and can relate to this, but a crush dissipating “very” quickly depends on your definition of “very”. If it turns out we weren’t as compatible as I thought then my crush could dissipate within days/a few dates. If it turns to a good relationship then the heart pounding crush phase still only lasts a few days to weeks at most. Sometimes it then gets replaced with a “love” phase, which to me feels a bit different (but related).

by very i mean that the feelings dissipate either the same day or the day after. i’ll still enjoy being with the person, but the actual “love” always fades. even in the one relationship i had where it didn’t completely/immediately leave, i never liked them anywhere near as much as they liked me. it was just like “well, they’re a great person and very pretty. this is comfortable.” i enjoyed being in the relationship and liked the person, but i don’t think i was really in love. what does that love phase feel like to you? maybe i just entered the love phase very quickly.

[Iam9man]

5 hours ago, catra said:

by very i mean that the feelings dissipate either the same day or the day after. i’ll still enjoy being with the person, but the actual “love” always fades. even in the one relationship i had where it didn’t completely/immediately leave, i never liked them anywhere near as much as they liked me. it was just like “well, they’re a great person and very pretty. this is comfortable.” i enjoyed being in the relationship and liked the person, but i don’t think i was really in love. what does that love phase feel like to you? maybe i just entered the love phase very quickly.

Thanks for clarifying. In that case quite different to me. I do recognise the “well they’re a great person and very pretty; this is comfortable” phase, but in my case that never followed a crush or led to love. The initial love phase feels warm and energetic, like I want to hug the person forever. This tends to fade with time (but still comes and goes to an extent) and gets replaced with a long-term love phase which is similar but much calmer.

[Star Bit]

Frayromantic and Lithromantic are virtually identical. Personally, I think of the difference as Lith losing attraction immediately/can't be in a relationship, and Fray as fading away after entering a relationship for some time/can be in a relationship. If it fades directly after in 1-2 days then that looks more Lith, which personally falls under Gray-aromantic rather than the middle like Fray.

[QueenOfTheRats]

This could also be due to the fact that while you were still single you had control over the fantasy of what the relationship would be like, and now that you are actually together, the fantasy is over and you must face the reality of what the relationship is actually like.