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Top surgery sounds ideal (edited)


Susurrus

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Hello!

I'm an woman in my early 20's (just graduated college last year) and I discovered AVEN a little over a year ago. I'm definitely aroace, and browsing around the forums has helped me immensely with that aspect of myself.

 

I recently came across this topic, which struck me because I relate to the author to some extent:

 

I have never liked having boobs and started fantasizing about top surgery soon after learning about it. Physically, I want to be feminine (I like having curves) without all the stupid, annoying biological features associated with female humans (breasts and a period, mainly). If I got to change one and only one thing about my body, I would get rid of my breasts. I don't ever remember liking them; the most positive thought I remember having is a sense of relief that they're relatively small, as well as confusion over why anyone would want bigger ones.

 

I remember finding a thought experiment about waking up in a body with a different sex than the one you were born with; if you wouldn't consider it a terrible mistake or something to be fixed, that's a hint you could be trans. If I woke up in a male body, I'd be absolutely horrified. However, when I consider having a female body, I tend to think of it as "the lesser of two evils." If I imagine waking up in a gender-neutral body, though, I immediately think yes. I recently got a compression bra (I won't wear it regularly because apparently it's kind of like a binder, and I know it's important to be careful with those) and was super excited to see that my chest was flatter while I was wearing it. I also feel like this ties in with being aroace to some degree. I consistently think of my breasts as "annoying and not useful" because I'm sex-averse and not at all interested in having children.

 

Sorry this is a bit long. I'm mainly looking for advice and wondering if top surgery is a good idea, given that I want to appear physically feminine in every other way.

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I plan on getting top surgery myself, but I'm trying to masculinize my appearance by having that procedure.  Judging from observation, the society we live in regards breasts as one of the most feminine attributes a woman can have....that and long hair.  If you think people stare at female chests now, get ready for even more of that if you decide to get your breasts removed.  I've found that others tend to really gawk and question things when they see someone with ambiguous features.  A lack of prominent secondary sex characteristics will make you appear ambiguous.  I'm speaking from personal experience.  I can't tell you what to do, but I am giving you 100% honest feedback.

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2 hours ago, AceOfHearts_85 said:

If you think people stare at female chests now, get ready for even more of that if you decide to get your breasts removed.  I've found that others tend to really gawk and question things when they see someone with ambiguous features.

Thanks for the reply, AceOfHearts! I've never noticed anyone stare at any part of me, though that could easily be due to how oblivious I am of my surroundings. (Fun story: apparently someone yelled my name as a greeting from 20 feet away and I didn't hear them at all - didn't even wonder "hey, was that my name?" I only found out after she asked me why I ignored her.)

 

Also, I'm already weird and don't care about fashion, so I don't know how much I'd worry about being gawked at (again, if I would even notice). Even if it does bother me, though, it'll only be in public. That's better than being bothered all the time by my own body, which I care about a lot more than strangers' opinions.

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Hi! I'm nonbinary afab, and I've been thinking mastectomy too. I would prefer "not feminine nor masculine" body, but I can't see myself ever starting hormones, as they'd also bring masculine changes that would also give me dysphoria. My breasts bother me more than hips, due to the fact I constantly see them. But whenever I see myself in the mirror, I'm equally bothered by my hips. 

 

So, I think mastectomy would help me to the right direction without getting wrong changes in turn. But I'd still have to deal with my hips, and I'm afraid that without T, they'd pop out even more if there was no breasts "balancing". They'd probably become a huger issue to me.

 

Wish I'd just born with more androgynous body = ='

 

I've also been thinking, can "wanting to have androgynous body" be related to being ace and thus feeling that the sexual parts of your body are unnecessary and confusing. Any thoughts on this?

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See I rather LIKE the idea of a male body but i'm stuck with this one. However, if i'm gonna be stuck with this one (and we aren't at a point where we can brain transplant people) then getting these flesh lumps off me would be awesome.

they just get in the way.

 

Ultimately I sort of feel like i've got everything I ever wanted from my female body. I had children, I got to experience that horror (yeah it wasn't fun but I do love my kids) and now it's time for me to feel comfortable in my body.

 

but ooo surgery is scary. Actually it's more recovery I dread. And the chance the scars might hurt forever like my other scars do. Bah.

 

but oh... oh the idea of being able to go topless or being able to wear clothes without boobs distorting the lines of a shirt... it's beautiful. Regardless of whether I fully transition or not, getting these things off me is SUPER appealing.

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One of the consequences of having top surgery is that if you go topless, the scars will cause people to think you had breast cancer, because that's why most people have mastectomies.   You would have to learn to deal with the looks  and reactions of sympathy.  

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AmorphousBlob

Honestly, I don't think I'll get a mastectomy unless theres some kind of clinical reason, like breast cancer. But the thing is, genetically, I'm at a VERY high risk for exactly that. My mom had it, my maternal grandmother and aunt had it, and my paternal aunt has it right now (it's early on and she's doing very well given the circumstances). So yeah, I'm not getting it without a clinical reason. But if I have a clinical reason you bet I'm getting rid of those ****ers for good.

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I totally understand, a relative had breast cancer too. I should get genetic tests for it but I'm too lazy to book them. Or maybe afraid of finding out that I am highly at risk? I just want to get some practical things done before being worried about a possible mastectomy (even if I'd gladly have one).

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  • 2 weeks later...

Interesting thread I have gone through the opposite I had male breast augmentation done. I ended up going larger than I originally planned so I have rather noticeable set, and yes people notice! I think either way you go if it makes you look out of the norm people will notice. Its OK but you have to be prepared to deal with it

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Disney_cakepop_ace
On ‎4‎/‎19‎/‎2019 at 11:09 PM, Susurrus said:

when I consider having a female body, I tend to think of it as "the lesser of two evils."

I definitely agree with you there! I'm mostly happy with my body, but the lumps on my chest… ooohhh how I'd love to not have them! I like it best when I look flat-chested, but there are two things that make me doubt if I want top surgery:

1) Bathrooms. Ideally, if I figure clothes and fashion out, I would want my outfits to range from androgynous to slightly feminine. However, I worry that with a flat chest I might have weird/uncomfortable/unpleasant situations in the women's bathroom. (I wouldn't go to the men's bathroom and gender neutral bathrooms aren't always available…) Then again those kind of situations affect me easily so I'd probably get used to it. Just something to consider.

 

2) Dresses. If the neckline is high-ish I personally think they'd look great with a flat chest but in other cases breasts fill them out really nicely…

(I think I would get over this eventually, I just really a flat chest 😅

 

Because of that, right now I'm planning on getting a binder and seeing if I want to go farther from there.

 

(Also a more immediate problem with top surgery is it would involve coming out which… no, I'm definitely not ready for.

 

So this is quite ramble-y/vent-y, oops. As for your question, breasts are definitely a "feminine" feature, but I think you could still look feminine depending on the clothes you wear and if you choose to wear make-up. You can test it out with the compression bra and possibly even with a binder to make sure it's what you want. But most importantly, do what makes you feel comfortable!

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On 4/21/2019 at 7:58 AM, naakka said:

I've also been thinking, can "wanting to have androgynous body" be related to being ace and thus feeling that the sexual parts of your body are unnecessary and confusing. Any thoughts on this?

I've been wondering about that too. I'm basically 'meh' when it comes to sexualised things and people's expectations for me to adhere to them.

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TheSilentScientist

I have spent the last 5 years questioning whether I want top surgery (fyi there is a big difference between a double mastectomy and top surgery, so be clear on which you are interested in). I think the best you can do if you are not sure is to try out a binder. While it won't be exactly like having your breasts removed, it will give you a clear indication of whether a flat chest is something that aligns with your identity. For myself, the first time I wore a binder it was euphoric. In that moment I knew that the version of myself without breasts was who I was always meant to be. It's been about 2 years since then. But it's only been more recently that I've started to wear a binder often and outside of my home. While I'm pleased with my appearance, I still struggle with how others will accept me. All in all, take as much time as you need to come to terms with your decision. There is no rush and there is end date to what you decide. Waiting more doesn't put you behind (it's not a race) and everyone is different with their experience in discovering their identity. If you're still not sure, I suggest looking up feminine presenting nonbinary/agender people who have had top surgery online. It can give you an idea of what the experience and outward appearance may end up like. Watching others online is what helped me with my decision. As of now, I'm in the processing of setting up a top surgery date for within the next year. 

Best of luck to you! And remember that any decision you make is the right decision for you!

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  • 1 month later...

Not sure how large your chest in but cold you get a reduction to a smaller size? would that help?

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