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How a boy I barely knew gave me hope again.


The Incarnation Of Boredom

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The Incarnation Of Boredom

This post is about how someone I only knew for a day completely changed my outlook on myself and gave me hope and a feeling of purpose in this world right when I needed it.

Trigger warning, mention of suicide, drug use, and self harm.

 

Back story: I've always been suicidal, but recently its been worse because of issues with the people I loved (classmates at school.) There was a boy who had helped me out of an attempt about 3 weeks ago, and I grew very attached.

 

Fast forward to the past week and that boy couldn't handle the responsibility of me relying on him, and he cut contact with me.

I attempted suicide again that night, but couldn't do it. His words of "its not worth it" really stuck with me.

Couple days afterwards I ended up hospitalized in CPEP (children's psychiatric emergency... Placement? Maybe?) I had been there a couple of times before, (3 weeks ago, and last year) so I wasn't too nervous.

At around 5 or so this boy comes in. He's evidently still high as a kite, and immediately passes out. His mom stays with him until he wakes up a few hours later.

Poor thing doesn't know where he is, or what happened. He apparently accidentally overdosed. His mom just tries to leave him and he panics, he's never been here before and is terrified to be hospitalized, just like I was the first time.

So here is this 16 year old, very cute boy, panicking right in front of my eyes. Begging his mom to just take him home. I could hear the desperation in his voice as his mom got escorted out by security. I will never forget him yelling "mom!" On the brink of tears.

He goes over and sits down in the corner and just cries. Covers his face and cries... At this point it pained me so much to not be doing anything, but my mom wouldn't let me and I was afraid that the staff would get pissy if I tried to talk to him.

After talking to a staff member he was a bit calmer, and I asked someone who worked there if I could go talk to him, they said it was okay.

I went over and sat next to him, said "I can tell you're having a rough time. I know how you feel, I've been here 3 times before, and I'm here now because everyone who I thought loved me abandoned me too"

We talked a bit, I showed him my scars on my wrists to kind of say that I trust him. He said he used to have a lot, too.

In this boy's eyes I saw myself in so many ways. Abandoned, alone, and scared. But also the way he looked at me... The amount of warmth, and appreciation I saw in his coy smile and sweet eyes... It reminded me of myself, and how much love and appreciation I have for those around me, too.

He left the next day, but I gave him my phone number before he did. Its been a few days and he hasn't called, but I hope he does if he ever feels alone again.

I was the only other patient he had an in depth conversation with the whole time he was there. And I will never forget those eyes.

 

Even if I never see him again, I'm grateful and so, so glad I met him. I always knew the only thing which gave me purpose in life is being there for others, but I never knew how or when or where. Now I realize exactly what to do, and how to do it, and that even in the worst of situations I will find someone who needs me, that's what gives me purpose in life.

All I wish was that I had went to him sooner, that I had come and spoke to him the second I felt compelled to, instead of waiting. Maybe things would of been different, maybe he would of called. Maybe he would remember me like I will remember him... I don't know. But all I know is that this boy, who I had only known for a day, changed my life, and gave me purpose again.

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Skeletonducky

Aww. That's good to hear.

I'm glad he changed your life for the better. 💚

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The Incarnation Of Boredom

Can someone move this thread to Asexual Relationships? Feels like it'd fit in better there.

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9 hours ago, The Incarnation Of Boredom said:

Can someone move this thread to Asexual Relationships? Feels like it'd fit in better there.

OK, I will do that for you.

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I’m glad the two of you were able to comfort and help one another!  We never know when a stranger will be in the right place at the right time for us, or vice versa, and it’s extra-good when the positive impact goes both ways.

 

(CPEP - comprehensive psychiatric emergency program... meant to be a more effective alternative to the outdated “psych ED” model, for both pediatric and adult patients)

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The Incarnation Of Boredom
3 hours ago, ryn2 said:

I’m glad the two of you were able to comfort and help one another!  We never know when a stranger will be in the right place at the right time for us, or vice versa, and it’s extra-good when the positive impact goes both ways.

 

(CPEP - comprehensive psychiatric emergency program... meant to be a more effective alternative to the outdate “psych ED” model, for both pediatric and adult patients)

Ah, that makes more sense lol.

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