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Friend not getting it whatsoever


Ace Christian

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Ace Christian

Hello everyone!

 

So one of my friends suggested that all of us take the Rice Purity Test, so we did. I was the only one among us that got a 100 on it. He was extremely confused by how I did that, so I basically told him I was ace without using that word in particular. I told him that I experience no attraction to anyone and that I just see everyone as other people, not necessarily as "different and to be desired in that way." He did not understand at all. I got the thing about meeting "The One™ and how since "I am a guy" (He doesn't know I'm trans) that it wasn't possible to be that way. He basically boiled it down to "you're either straight or gay, and I know you're not gay" (he is right about me not being gay, though).

 

My response was to ask him how much money he was willing to put behind his claim that "I would change," and that immediately ended the conversation.

 

Any tips to get him to understand? (We're in Oklahoma and he's a hardcore US Republican, in case you're wondering)

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Anthracite_Impreza
1 minute ago, Ace Christian said:

he's a hardcore US Republican

I wouldn't bother.

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NickyTannock

@Ace Christian I don't think you can get him to understand, but if you want to try, you could explain that people, in general, develop sexual attraction, and you never did.

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lowLifeLoner
5 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I wouldn't bother.

I agree. But then I guess it's import to get them to understand? 

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Republican or not, if your friend has no desire to learn or listen, I doubt it'll get through to them. 

 

But if you feel it's really important, you could try my classic go-to for straight people. "You know how you feel [sexually, romantically] about [same sex]? That's how I feel about everyone." It helps put it in perspective for them because it forces them to think about their lack of attraction for a particular gender. 

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Anthracite_Impreza
17 minutes ago, lowLifeLoner said:

I agree. But then I guess it's import to get them to understand? 

Depends how much energy OP wants to put in I suppose.

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28 minutes ago, Ace Christian said:

Hello everyone!

 

So one of my friends suggested that all of us take the Rice Purity Test, so we did. I was the only one among us that got a 100 on it. He was extremely confused by how I did that, so I basically told him I was ace without using that word in particular. I told him that I experience no attraction to anyone and that I just see everyone as other people, not necessarily as "different and to be desired in that way." He did not understand at all. I got the thing about meeting "The One™ and how since "I am a guy" (He doesn't know I'm trans) that it wasn't possible to be that way. He basically boiled it down to "you're either straight or gay, and I know you're not gay" (he is right about me not being gay, though).

 

My response was to ask him how much money he was willing to put behind his claim that "I would change," and that immediately ended the conversation.

 

Any tips to get him to understand? (We're in Oklahoma and he's a hardcore US Republican, in case you're wondering)

Forget it...with those credentials you might as well beat yourself in the head with a rock.

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lowLifeLoner
31 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Depends how much energy OP wants to put in I suppose.

yeah exactly. Beating yourself about the head with a brick would be far less painful and time consuming. 

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1 hour ago, Ace Christian said:

Hello everyone!

 

So one of my friends suggested that all of us take the Rice Purity Test, so we did. I was the only one among us that got a 100 on it. He was extremely confused by how I did that, so I basically told him I was ace without using that word in particular. I told him that I experience no attraction to anyone and that I just see everyone as other people, not necessarily as "different and to be desired in that way." He did not understand at all. I got the thing about meeting "The One™ and how since "I am a guy" (He doesn't know I'm trans) that it wasn't possible to be that way. He basically boiled it down to "you're either straight or gay, and I know you're not gay" (he is right about me not being gay, though).

 

My response was to ask him how much money he was willing to put behind his claim that "I would change," and that immediately ended the conversation.

 

Any tips to get him to understand? (We're in Oklahoma and he's a hardcore US Republican, in case you're wondering)

Well I had to try this test and I got 32. Not bad really in my opinion.

By the way, I didn’t think being ace meant that you weren’t attracted to people though. I thought it was that you had no innate desire to have partnered sex with any other person? There’s so many different versions of this ace thing it’s tricky to comprehend fully.

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lowLifeLoner
1 hour ago, Lucinda said:

Why do guys (or anyone really) take the Rice Purity Test?

What is the "rice purity test" if I may ask.

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Ace Christian
4 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

Republican or not, if your friend has no desire to learn or listen, I doubt it'll get through to them. 

 

But if you feel it's really important, you could try my classic go-to for straight people. "You know how you feel [sexually, romantically] about [same sex]? That's how I feel about everyone." It helps put it in perspective for them because it forces them to think about their lack of attraction for a particular gender. 

I'll definitely use that one when it comes up again, thank you. I actually used this analogy when explaining myself to my mom and it did help her to understand more. I cannot believe that I forgot all about that today, so thank you again for reminding me!

 

4 hours ago, lowLifeLoner said:

yeah exactly. Beating yourself about the head with a brick would be far less painful and time consuming. 

 

4 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

@Ace Christian I don't think you can get him to understand, but if you want to try, you could explain that people, in general, develop sexual attraction, and you never did.

So if the above argument doesn't help, there is really no point in trying to get him to understand at all?

 

3 hours ago, lowLifeLoner said:

What is the "rice purity test" if I may ask.

 

3 hours ago, Neshama said:

From what I can gather it appears to be a measurement of how much sexual, illegal, substance, etc. experience you have had.

This ^, and a higher score indicates that you are more "pure" (not that I really have a problem with being considered pure, actually, I like it).

 

3 hours ago, James121 said:

Well I had to try this test and I got 32. Not bad really in my opinion.

By the way, I didn’t think being ace meant that you weren’t attracted to people though. I thought it was that you had no innate desire to have partnered sex with any other person? There’s so many different versions of this ace thing it’s tricky to comprehend fully.

That is the definition of being ace, but I am also apparently aromantic, so I am not attracted to anyone in any way other than as a normal friend. I totally understand your confusion. If it helps, I'm still fairly confused about a lot of this.

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NickyTannock
6 hours ago, Ace Christian said:

So if the above argument doesn't help, there is really no point in trying to get him to understand at all?

You're free to try other arguments. I was suggesting one, and saying that I doubt any will work.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Well they're religious aren't they? That's what they do (for some reason).

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Anthracite_Impreza

It's a pretty common belief for religious hardliners (I watch a lot of random documentaries).

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49 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

So we've established the 'what' of the Rice Purity Test. But why would anyone want to take it? I mean, who gives a fuck?

I used to love to take things like that as a teen to see how “bad” (as in high) a score I could get.

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27 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Going on a date is impure? What sort of fucked up Handmaid's Tale world do these people live in?

This is why some discussions keep circling back to “depending on your religious background it could be very difficult if not impossible to realize you are (or your partner is) ace before marriage.”

 

If you/your family/your social circle take(s) this viewpoint of purity seriously - which some people/communities do - you have very little information/experience with which to ascertain what’s internalized guilt, what’s a lack of attraction, what’s admirable purity, etc.

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1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said:

So we've established the 'what' of the Rice Purity Test. But why would anyone want to take it? I mean, who gives a fuck?

I think they were originally created as some sort of college joke/game

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I got an 18.  :)  Of course I have not been a teen in a loooooong time... my score as a teen would have been quite a bit purer, but not 90/100 pure by a long shot.

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Just now, Neshama said:

I think they were originally created as some sort of college joke/game

It (or others like it) definitely was (were) to me as a teen/college student but I’m sure not religious.

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I think it depends on demographics regarding where you live, the beliefs of the community around you, and especially your parent(s)/gaurdian(s) beliefs

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Agreed with Neshama.  In some areas very few people hold these beliefs (which they obviously view much differently than Tele does) but in others it approaches universal.  It would probably be difficult to find an area in the US where no one shares these (or at least very similar) beliefs.

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10 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

But if you had to draw an average figure nationally, bearing in mind I understand the nature of averages?

No idea, as I don’t know the breakdown by denomination by state, the percentage of believers in the stricter denominations who follow precisely v. those who add some personal interpretation, or how many teens/young adults each might have.

 

If you figure our popular vote split close to 50/50 in 2016, it could be quite a high percentage... but I really have no idea.

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Looks like Pew estimates that around 45% of Americans identify as denominations that have a strong stance on premarital sex and other purity items, and another 20-25% identify as denominations that adhere to some portions... but it’s still going to vary within each denomination from church to church and household to household.

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1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

Looks like Pew estimates that around 45% of Americans identify as denominations that have a strong stance on premarital sex and other purity items, and another 20-25% identify as denominations that adhere to some portions... but it’s still going to vary within each denomination from church to church and household to household.

This ^ 

I grew up in a church with a denomination that believed in True Love Waits (as in no premarital sex), but they also didn't really bash anyone who didn't wait. They encouraged you to wait, had yearly sermons for the youth on why you should wait until marriage, but if, for example, a teenager found out she was pregnant she wasn't treated differently in the church or shunned or anything. And in my personal household, my mom was big on true love waits until you're ready. She didn't adhere to the "wait until marriage" mindset, but we still participated in the church. In any sort of survey, my old church would've come up on the "has a strong stance against premarital sex," but I wouldn't say that it was to the extreme that such a survey would suggest it is either.

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The US is a huge country and has many different geographical/religious/ethnic cultures.  Some teens are captured by their cultures; some have already left them behind.  

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Ace Christian

My church definitely encourages people to wait, so during those messages and the following small groups I've been extremely lost.

 

I was confused about what people even saw in all that stuff because I thought everyone thought like me deep down. It only really hit me that people actually desire that kind of stuff a few months ago.

 

In totally unrelated news, I've been anonymously emailing a professor of mine about me being trans. I really want to let him know who I am, but I'm really scared to do it even though I know he's 100% accepting of me, so I'm currently trying to work that out.

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On 4/17/2019 at 5:11 PM, Ace Christian said:

"you're either straight or gay, and I know you're not gay" (he is right about me not being gay, though).

*Cries in bi-erasuse*

 

Being told that your orientation is invalid is the woooorst.  I'm so here for you Ace fam.

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