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Should libido-inhibiting drugs be made available to make ace-allo romances more stable?


AspieAlly613

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AspieAlly613

These drugs already exist, but the consensus among doctors is that the potential side effects are severe enough that it is milder for a couple to separate or divorce than to risk these side effects.  

 

I don't know what these side effects are.

 

I don't know whether stopping to take the medications will revert the side effects or how bad a brief period of side effects would be.

 

Here's an idea that I would like to assess.  I'm not convinced that doctors are aware that a mindset of "can't aces just date other aces or go without romance?" is not a particularly reasonable one.  

 

...Thoughts?

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There are no specific libido-inhibiting drugs, and doctors probably wouldn't prescribe them if there were.  It isn't their responsibility or within their training to try to make mixed relationships easier.  

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I'd say probably not. If the couple is having to use drugs to stay together, they'd probably be better off just breaking up. It just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I'm imagining myself in that situation going "the only reason my partner is still with me is because they're literally having to drug themselves." Just a thought I had.

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@AspieAlly613, I think you may be confusing androgen suppressants with libido inhibitors. These reduce the secretion of testosterone or oestrogen, either for people who are transitioning or as part a treatment process for certain cancers and other conditions affecting the genito-reproductive system. As such the potential side-effects mean that any doctor or therapist prescribing them simply to reduce libido will likely lose their accreditation to practice. 

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Sexual Ally

I was curious about this, and did a cursory google search.  Anti-androgens are better tolerated by women than men; male side effects, other than lowered sexual ability and infertility, include possible osteoporosis, depression, breast enlargement, anemia, etc. 

 

Naltrexone is usually used to treat opiate/alcohol addiction, but has been shown to help with hypersexuality.  Side effects are possible nausea, dizzyness, depression, high blood pressure, etc.  And I don't think this drug is meant to be taken long-term.

 

Many SSRI's of course are known to have a libido-inducing side-effect for some, but can also have add'l side-effects (including, ironically, depression/suicidal ideation), nausea, etc. 

 

Of all of these, I could see someone who was already exhibiting clinical depression going on an SSRI hoping for psychological relief, as well as a hoped-for libido-reducing side-effect.  I'm not sure any medical doctor would prescribe an SSRI for someone who was not clinically depressed. 

 

I could see a medical provider/clinic giving Naltrexone to someone suffering from sexual compulsion because like other addictions it ruins lives; obtaining it for reasons the OP mentions would be ethically problematic for doctors at this time.  The same is likely true for anti-androgens, bc of the severe side-effects.

 

You're correct in that I doubt laymen doctors know much about aces at all, and are not in a position to be giving aces dating advice.  But from a pharmacological angle, there doesn't appear to currently  be any long-term, foolproof panacea in the manner you suggest.  Wish that there were, as there are specific populations that would benefit from such a drug.  (This drug would also hold a unique ability to be abused).

 

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

As long as the person is over 18 and fully aware of the risks I think all drugs should be allowed. It's their body, their life and their relationship, it's no one else's place to judge or stop them.

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letusdeleteouraccounts

No, if the ace is in a relationship with a regular person then solutions are to 1. separate 2. meet in the middle 3. open relationship. Option 4 shouldn’t be to tell your partner to take drugs and suppress their sexuality for your sake

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa
25 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

No, if the ace is in a relationship with a regular person then solutions are to 1. separate 2. meet in the middle 3. open relationship. Option 4 shouldn’t be to tell your partner to take drugs and suppress their sexuality for your sake

So...that implies an ace is not a 'regular person'...

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letusdeleteouraccounts
7 minutes ago, chandrakirti said:

So...that implies an ace is not a 'regular person'...

Because in reference to sexuality, we’re not a regular group of people. Regular is synonymous to “normal” or “typical” which aren’t words I’d use to describe 1% of the population when referencing the (a)sexuality scale

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Anthracite_Impreza
45 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

Option 4 shouldn’t be to tell your partner to take drugs and suppress their sexuality for your sake

No, but if the partner, of their own volition, would rather take drugs than split that's surely their perogative and no one should tell them it's 'wrong'? People sacrifice and compromise in relationships all the time.

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letusdeleteouraccounts
1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

No, but if the partner, of their own volition, would rather take drugs than split that's surely their perogative and no one should tell them it's 'wrong'? People sacrifice and compromise in relationships all the time.

I like your point but the only problem I see with it is the people that will take the drugs for a reason that isn’t what you’ve mentioned

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Anthracite_Impreza
2 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

I like your point but the only problem I see with it is the people that will take the drugs for a reason that isn’t what you’ve mentioned

There's always that danger, with everything. I suppose it depends how much risk you're willing to allow others to take (I'm of the "very liberal to the point of not giving a shit" variety)

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

 

17 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

Because in reference to sexuality, we’re not a regular group of people. Regular is synonymous to “normal” or “typical” which aren’t words I’d use to describe 1% of the population when referencing the (a)sexuality scale

Neither are gay, or bi,or poly people then. That makes the 'irregulars' a larger proportion than thought.

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letusdeleteouraccounts
6 minutes ago, chandrakirti said:

 

Neither are gay, or bi,or poly people then. That makes the 'irregulars' a larger proportion than thought.

That’s why I said in reference to the (a)sexuality scale, as in how often you experience sexual attraction. Regular is always in perspective to your reference

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Custard Cream

I would be horrified at the thought of my husband doing that, even it was considered a valid solution and could be done easily and without side effects.  I don't see either of us as needing 'fixing'. 

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Don't see why not.  Libido enhancers exist, although I'm not sure if most of them are necessarily prescribed.

 

Kinda like with things like breast augmentation/reduction, I mostly feel that people should be able to do whatever they want in these regards.

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If libido-inhibiting drugs were available and someone chose to take them I would not judge them. Whether that would be healthy for a relationship or not I honestly don’t know.

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I have no objections for the reasons that people have stated however I myself these days would probably not be interested.

 

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2 hours ago, CBC said:

But that's usually about someone trying to regain something they genuinely want to be experiencing. I don't think most sexual people truly want to kill off that part of themselves.

Whatever the case, I don't think that it's up to anyone else to deny them just because "most other people wouldn't want it".  Most people don't want hysterectomies either, but that is poor justification for denying someone who does.

 

I have met folks who want to kill off or dull their libido without it being any part of trying to make a relationship work, as well (usually, these people just find their libido annoying)

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Oh, no, I wouldn't recommend that as a possible solution either.  Most sexual people would not be keen on it for sure, which I totally get because I wouldn't be keen on something that grew me a libido (which was a big point of contention for me when I was briefly on testosterone treatments... turned out I had nothing to worry about and people got me worked up over nothing)

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Sexual Ally
50 minutes ago, CBC said:

Well I agree that people should be able to do what they want with their bodies, and if that's truly something they wish to try and their doctor is willing, then go for it. But whether I would advocate libido-killing meds being a common "solution" for mixed couples is another matter.

A lot of what CBC and Sally says gets to the rub of the OP's query.  The libido-reducing drugs on market were not manufactured as "libido-reducing" drugs; they were created for other legit uses ---sexual dysfunction was found to be a generally unwanted side-effect. 

 

Anti-androgens are ethically administered off-label for sex offenders.  Naltrexone is ethically administered off-label for sexual compulsives. 

 

15 hours ago, Sally said:

There are no specific libido-inhibiting drugs, and doctors probably wouldn't prescribe them if there were.  It isn't their responsibility or within their training to try to make mixed relationships easier.  

Getting these drugs at all would need screening by both medial and psychiatric doctors.  As Sally says, I don't believe at this time one could actually convince any psychiatrist to administer them off-label to "save my relationship", as important as that might be. 

 

I know I'm being terribly practical here: could someone actually get their hands on these drugs for these purposes?  And the answer, I think, would be a resounding "NO".   But using the magic "what if?" where no one's gonna lose the medical license, there are no rx ethical issues, the drug just fell into your lap...   idk, there are way cripping side-effects for these 2 drugs.  Long-term health consequences are gonna impact yr long-term relationship, creating a whole new set of life&death problems. 

 

IF there were a magic pill to kill libido w no side-effects, libido/fertility were restored when said pill was discontinued, and it was taken after psych consult and with patient consent, I'd have no pb w it.  This isn't a perfect analogy, but I've read articles about married men with children looking for ways to lower their libido in order to preclude their cheating. 

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I would say libido decreasing drugs (even if a theoretically perfect version of it) for the allo member of the relationship would be just as moral as using an equally perfect libido boosting drug for the asexual member.

 

If the idea of taking a libido boosting drug for your partner distasteful, you probably shouldn't ask your partner to do it.  It just doesn't seem fair to me.

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I'm not taking any drugs for any sexual so either they have to take libido killing drugs or gtfo. :D

 

Anyway there is so much more layers to sex than just a libido.

Having a libido doesn't mean the act will be satisfying to the sexual. Even sexual x sexual relationships can have problems with how "good" and "satisfied" they feel.

Plus a major part of the relationship is dependent on drugs, that is sure perfectly stable glue to a relationship! :rolleyes:

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Not a good idea imo, or at least it should be very much preferred by the one with high libido. Also, isn't libido your sex drive? Asexual person can have high libido as well, it's just not focused on anyone.

 

I personally think I need to find an ace partner. I'm monogamous, and I don't have particularly high libido. I think it would be unfair to market myself to allosexuals, especially ones with high(er than mine) libido. I wouldn't even try, for the sake of both of us. I'm rather alone than with someone who isn't fully happy with me.

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Health risks aside, I don’t think it would solve the issue as ace doesn’t necessarily mean low-libido (not does sexual mean high-libido).  It’s possible for the ace partner to be the higher-libido one... but no matter how their libidos align, a mixed couple will still have to deal with how much the experience of sex differs between them (and how that difference robs them of what the sexual needs).

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On 4/17/2019 at 2:59 AM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

As long as the person is over 18 and fully aware of the risks I think all drugs should be allowed. It's their body, their life and their relationship, it's no one else's place to judge or stop them.

The drugs have to be prescribed by medical practitioners who are licensed, and those licenses mean that the prescribed drugs have to be appropriate for the condition of the patient.  If they're not, the practitioners could lose their licenses.  

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Anthracite_Impreza
1 hour ago, Sally said:

The drugs have to be prescribed by medical practitioners who are licensed, and those licenses mean that the prescribed drugs have to be appropriate for the condition of the patient.  If they're not, the practitioners could lose their licenses.  

I know, I'm just saying if I ran these things, that's how they'd be.

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