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Biromantic asexual

How do I explain asexuality?

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Biromantic asexual

Hi this is my first time posting here. All of friends and family are very much not asexual. How do I explain what asexual is? I've tried before but they just don't seem to understand the general concept of NOT enjoying or wanting sex.

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Biblioromantic

I like using logic and bell curves. If someone can think about the depth and breadth of the human experience and interests, it only makes sense that there are a wide array of variations when it comes to not only who we're attracted to but the lack of attraction and/or lack of interest in one particular topic and/or activity. Paired with the idea of standard deviation in the form of everyone's favorite line graph--the bell curve--it's not too hard to make people understand that even if they haven't encountered asexuality before, it's not impossible, just rare.

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The Phage Mage

DONUT TIME! Brb, I'm getting the extended metaphor from my other post!

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QuantumEcho

I do not want  s e x I am not interested in s e x . 

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The Phage Mage

Ahem *clearing throat*...

 

"Imagine sex as a donut, and attraction as a craving. Most people in the world CRAVE donuts a lot. And when they see one, they will probably eat it. Some people are on a diet, and while they crave donuts, they will not touch a donut. (That's celibacy.)

 

Then there are people who don't crave donuts, at least not always. Some people will only eat the donut if it is their absolute favorite type. (Demi) Some people occasionally crave donuts, but not often. (Grey) Some people don't particularly want a donut, but will eat it anyway. (Sex-positive aces) Others will pass on the donut in favor of something else, like cake ;) or ice cream, but don't mind that others enjoy donuts. (Sex-neutral aces) And some would pull out a flamethrower and incinerate the donut if they could. (Sex-repulsed aces) There are also people who crave donuts, but when they find someone else who also wants that donut, they don't want it anymore. (Lithosexual). Some others crave donuts sometimes, but how bad it is depends on the day. (Abrosexual)"

 

This has been an overly complex analogy explaining various parts of the asexual spectrum. It's not 100% fool-proof, but I think it works for the most part. I think I saw the seed of this explanation on Pinterest; I just expanded it. You can cut this up, add to it, and reuse it as much as you like, if it helps. I feel like this is something basic that just about everyone can relate to, so it should be easier to grasp.

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CierraJasmineJ

I do like the analogies, I think they are super helpful. However, they don't always work, I know for me personally I try to read to far into them and then get confused about my own feelings let alone others'. Have you seen an image of the Purple-Red Scale of Attraction? It obviously won't work for everyone, but it is a way of trying to get the point across when the analogies don't seem to and you just can't figure out how to turn feelings into words.

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Sally
1 hour ago, QuantumEcho said:

I do not want  s e x I am not interested in s e x . 

I like that simplicity.  If someone doesn't want to understand an analogy, they can argue with you forever.  With the above, if they argue, you can just say "What don't you understand about not wanting something?"

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nineGardens

Not precisely your question, but this post might be useful:

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

"You know all those people you don't wanna bang? I'm like that with everyone"

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Iam9man
11 hours ago, Biromantic asexual said:

Hi this is my first time posting here. All of friends and family are very much not asexual. How do I explain what asexual is? I've tried before but they just don't seem to understand the general concept of NOT enjoying or wanting sex.

I tend to list the definition(s) and explain the Split Attraction Model. If they look really confused I’ll sometimes say it’s the “opposite of bisexual”. I appreciate this is not strictly accurate (especially if someone is biromantic), but it often gets the point across.

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Homer
1 hour ago, Iam9man said:

I tend to list the definition(s) and explain the Split Attraction Model. If they look really confused I’ll sometimes say it’s the “opposite of bisexual”. I appreciate this is not strictly accurate (especially if someone is biromantic), but it often gets the point across.

Why make it that complicated?

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Telecaster68

If they're straight, ask them if they  want to have sex with people of the same gender. If they're gay, ask them if they want to have sex with people of the opposite gender.  Obviously they'll say no. Then explain you feel like that about everybody.

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Iam9man
59 minutes ago, Homer said:

Why make it that complicated?

I’m detailed oriented, I guess. It’s worked well so far, but I’m open to suggestions to streamline.

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Homer
1 hour ago, Iam9man said:

I’m detailed oriented, I guess. It’s worked well so far, but I’m open to suggestions to streamline.

If you want to explain a concept, keep it simple. Step one for the other person is always to get a grip of the basics. The rest is better left to be addressed when there are follow-up questions.

 

If someone has never heard about basketball, you start with 10 tall guys trying to throw a ball through a hoop, not with Jo Jo White dropping 33 on the Suns in game 5 of the 1976 finals.

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Iam9man
17 minutes ago, Homer said:

If you want to explain a concept, keep it simple. Step one for the other person is always to get a grip of the basics. The rest is better left to be addressed when there are follow-up questions.

 

If someone has never heard about basketball, you start with 10 tall guys trying to throw a ball through a hoop, not with Jo Jo White dropping 33 on the Suns in game 5 of the 1976 finals.

Agreed. I’d argue the level of detail I go into would roughly equate to explaining basketball as “a sport and game which involves two teams and the aim of the game is to throw the ball into a high net at the opposite side of a court”.

 

I guess it depends who you’re explaining it to. If it’s a partner then a fair bit of basic detail is helpful. To a random person I think “I don’t experience sexual attraction” is sufficient.

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Biromantic asexual
4 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

If they're straight, ask them if they  want to have sex with people of the same gender. If they're gay, ask them if they want to have sex with people of the opposite gender.  Obviously they'll say no. Then explain you feel like that about everybody.

Thank you that's very helpful.

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MichaelTannock

@Biromantic asexual A belated welcome to AVEN!

 

When people are very little kids, they don't experience sexual attraction, so I'd explain that for me, that never changed.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Violet Cake,

Violet-Lin-Tran-Novelty-Specialty-3.jpg?

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JohnQn

I like to explain asexuality by comparing  sex to food.  Both are necessary human qualities.  The closest "apples to apples"  I can think of.  Basically, just about everyone likes to eat. Some love to eat.  There are people who eat a lot, and people that eat a normal amount.  But, there's always that person that doesn't want to eat, ever.  Just like the kid that parents cant get to eat so they have to force feed them (kinda).  People eat on different levels. Just like sex, there's a high, medium, low and OFF designation.  That's the best explanation I can give,

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Chamomile_Serenity

Meh, you've already tried explaining and I think that's generous of you. I don't think you have to deeply explain anything to anyone. If they are truly curious because they want to understand you and be a support to you they will Google it like many of us have and find groups just like this one. There are quite a few sexual people who found this group by their own effort because they wanted to understand their partner and get on the same page as them. 

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