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YXSHINN

Aroace but also...

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YXSHINN

Okay, so lately I've been just second-guessing my feelings and I don't know if that has to do with just my mood lately in general, or if I'm just really confused right now.

 

I'm an aromantic asexual, I've known that for a while now, but I also feel like there's a facet of "bi-ness" to me, if any of that makes sense.

 

Although I'm aroace, I'd still like to be in a committed relationship, whether that would be with a guy or a girl. It just wouldn't be sexual or as romantic as the standard relationship. It'd be more emotional and sensual; a QPR, if I'm correct.

 

I've asked multiple people already and it so happens to be that bi people find my feelings valid, while fellow aroaces seem to disagree with me, because if I'm aroace that there's no attraction at all.

 

Yes, I don't experience sexual nor romantic attraction, but I do experience other types of attraction. Those not as strong as well, but you get what I'm saying, I hope.

 

I was wondering if someone else has this as well; contradicting labels and feelings? 

 

Can I say I'm both (kind of) bi, but fully aroace?

 

 

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PrismaticDream

I can relate to this concept of a bi aro-ace, although in a different way. I've experienced intense attractions to both guys and girls, but it's not really romantic because I don't necessarily want a romantic relationship with the person, I just enjoy thinking about them in my head.

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MichaelTannock

I don't have that, but I understand that there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction and Romantic Attraction.

There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.
 

So I don't see why you couldn't have a Bi-attraction of some kind while being an Aromantic Asexual.

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Loofah B. Shampoo

It's totally a thing. Of course, I view extreme emotional connection (in rare cases sensual) just as how friends should and do interact (and I'd say I'm probably among those who interact closely with everyone they know, or try) without any real inner commitment to one person. People have 'best friends' all the time, and I would assume that'd be the exact same thing, but with like, tax benefits or something. You can be aroace and still be in a relationship; the other orientation doesn't really affect the asexuality. It just means there's someone who has your back, whatever the gender you decide you're comfortable with/understands you. 

 

I would guess that human nature makes us a lot more likely to have some form of desire for a certain closeness and connection, which doesn't necessarily 'clash' / 'not work' with the asexuality, but certainly leads to conflicting feelings.

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Star Lion

I relate, I’m grayro ace and have only felt romantic attraction once (for a girl) but I feel like I relate a lot to gay guys. I find guys super (aesthetically) attractive, while rare I’ve only been sensually attracted to guys, I’ve had squishes on guys, I get aroused by guys, and I’d much rather have a platonic relationship with a guy rather than a woman. It’s so weird having these feelings while being ace and so close to aro

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YXSHINN
32 minutes ago, Star Lion said:

It’s so weird having these feelings while be ace and so close to aro

 

Really, finding someone who remotely felt the same seemed impossible, glad I'm not the only one. 

 

It is weird to feel that way while being aroace, but now I know that it actually can work like that, I just have to be sure about my feelings, instead of constantly being thrown off by what others say.

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YXSHINN
3 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

I don't have that, but I understand that there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction and Romantic Attraction.

There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.
 

So I don't see why you couldn't have a Bi-attraction of some kind while being an Aromantic Asexual.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it. I guess I should work a little bit more on my aroace pride. ♤

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YXSHINN
4 hours ago, PrismaticDream said:

I can relate to this concept of a bi aro-ace, although in a different way. I've experienced intense attractions to both guys and girls, but it's not really romantic because I don't necessarily want a romantic relationship with the person, I just enjoy thinking about them in my head.

That's very relatable. If it's something romantic, I can only fantasize about it, I'll never find myself actively doing it, if that makes sense.

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Star Lion
1 hour ago, YXSHINN said:

 

Really, finding someone who remotely felt the same seemed impossible, glad I'm not the only one. 

 

It is weird to feel that way while being aroace, but now I know that it actually can work like that, I just have to be sure about my feelings, instead of constantly being thrown off by what others say.

Yeah it’s confusing as heck. I’m looking for a platonic partner myself and I’m always wishing these really hot guys were ace and could fulfill that role (I’d probably stare at them every chance I got 😂). Cuddling and hugging are things I’d want in a platonic partnership but I don’t think I’d be comfortable doing that with someone I don’t find aesthetically or emotionally attractive honestly. I constantly question my orientation but always come back to the conclusion that I don’t desire sex nor romance, just physical intimacy, appreciation, and companionship. Your hopes and feelings are as valid as mine, being in the ace and aro communities is only but one part of who we are. We can still have all the other feelings that regular people have even though we don’t experience desires towards people to have sex or a romantic relationship with them

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☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

If you think about split attraction on multiple levels, it makes sense.  I mean, I'm dating an aro/ace and I know that he has no attraction to guys.  I think his attraction to girls is sensual and asthetic.  He has always cuddled with the girls in our friend circle.  

 

I'm going to go with my bi brethren here and say, yeah, you're totally valid.  Welcome to the club.  🤗

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YXSHINN
23 minutes ago, ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

If you think about split attraction on multiple levels, it makes sense.  I mean, I'm dating an aro/ace and I know that he has no attraction to guys.  I think his attraction to girls is sensual and asthetic.  He has always cuddled with the girls in our friend circle.  

 

I'm going to go with my bi brethren here and say, yeah, you're totally valid.  Welcome to the club.  🤗

Ah, thanks! I really thought it was just me, but knowing that there are more people like me makes me feel at ease.

 

Thanks for welcoming me~ ♡ (lolol)

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AshMagoo

I had those same thoughts when figuring out my orientation. I always thought I never wanted any type relationship, the whole date-marry-have 2.5 kids, and etc, but after learning about all the different attractions (romantic, sexual, aesthetic, emotional, sensual) I realized I just didn't want a romantic/sexual relationship, but I am open to having some kind of relationship that is more along of the lines of a best friend, companion, QPR situation. And when it comes to who that person is, their gender has nothing to do with it. I find both males, and females aesthetically attractive (I thought I was bi for the longest time)

In HS, my best friend and the person I was with most of the time was male, but currently I am really close to a female friend that I would be happy to have a QPR relationship with in the future. 

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Firefly8

I can relate to this. I feel like I'm under 3 flags rather than the typical one or two. I'm Ace and aro, but also identify with pan people. I'm not sex or romance averse to anyone, I just don't have the inate desire or attraction to pursue it. It wouldn't cross my mind, so someone else would have to initiate, but I think if the situation was right it could be a good thing for me and I would try. 

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