This is gonna sound super weird

[Abîme]

This question has been on my mind for quite a while now, because my friends raised it some time back, and I could never really get over how strange and yet oddly understandable their analogy was. 

I do not feel romantically or sexually attracted (at least, I don't know of any romantic attraction). I have been brought up to be extremely sensitive to other people's emotions, and can detect them and generally deal with them very easily, unless you're dealing with what my friends call a 'fundamental flaw', such as always sounding overly condescending, or going on about completely useless stuff. As I do not feel repulsed by relationships, I have been in one with a really good friend of mine because I felt that they would feel that it would improve the friendship, and nothing would change for me. I do, however, tend to really like some people, such as my brothers, friends, professors, and mathematicians I really appreciate, in the usual friendly way. 

However, this liking is not at all close to the feelings I receive when reading up on either of mathematics, programming, or sciency stuff that I can still understand. 

Every time that I, for example, prove anything remotely difficult in my area of study, I feel a massive sense of euphoria. It's like I spent hours on something, doubting why I'd even bothered, or why I'm here studying maths in the first place. The feeling of acceptance I get at the end shows me time and time again that there's nothing I'd rather be doing. And it's not just limited to maths proofs. Anything even mildly related to my interests, such as cryptography or linguistics, can spark a huge amount of excitement in me.

As I tend to go on and on about stuff I like learning, my friends suggested we talk about this in a 'romantic attraction' sense. They suggested I perhaps have a crush on learning itself. We discussed symptoms they feel when they have a crush on somebody, and these fell really very close to how I feel about maths, as they pointed out (I would have actually disagreed, but here we are). I personally don't think that I like this stuff in a romantic sense, but how should I know? I never had a crush on anyone before...

I would therefore greatly welcome any suggestions you may have about this.

I do not mean this in the sense that I don't know whether I wish to have a romantic relationship with mathematics, because I do not, but rather whether firstly, a crush towards something so abstract is at all envisageable, and whether you think that the feelings may match up.

[Rockblossom]

Your post made me smile, partly because I have an overactive "visual" imagination, and I was visualizing going to the movies, holding hands, and cuddling with mathematics.  😀 

I might see cuddling with a Fibonacci sequence or sharing popcorn with the Schrödinger equation; but perhaps not Pi, because how would you even get an infinite series into a seat?  It would take forever.  Literally forever. 

 

Being AroAce,  I can't say for sure, but I think there's a difference between the euphoria of completing a mental task and whatever romance feels like because there's a physical/hormonal/touchy-touchy component to romance.    According to former colleagues who were romantics, being with someone they were romantically attracted to was energizing, while solving a tough math (or in our case - coding) problem was a wonderful feeling, but exhausting.  The one made them want to do things with their romantic partner, while the other made them want to have a short celebration, then sleep for a week.   I couldn't relate to the romance, but I definitely could to the "sleep for a week" part - especially when I had spent one or more nights without sleep solving the problem!

 

But no one can really know how you feel except you.  Having a crush on math doesn't seem so bad.  It will never stand you up on a date, flirt with other people in your presence, or eat the last muffin you were saving for later.  On the other hand, I've never found it useful when I needed help changing a flat tire.  

[Anthracite_Impreza]

You're just passionate. It's sad that being passionate is seen as a weird thing nowadays.

[Guest]

As a former scholar I can identify with the feeling of euphoria that you get when you accel and accomplish feats in your field of study. I have had a crush before and it never held up to feelings of accomplishment. As far as it goes I would rather be churning out essays in philosophy or literary studies than in a relationship so I may be biased as well.

[blueheroness]

It makes me think of the old saying "married to your work". I think that saying has to do with fulfilment. Many people feel that being married is "right". Somehow it fulfills something in them even when it's not a very good relationship, in my opinion. I think that sense of being in line with what you want out of life makes a person feel a sense of deep fulfillment. And some people get that feeling from their work. I think people don't understand how to describe how wonderful life and learning can be. So they can only equate the fulfillment found in those things to romance.

I think that it's great that you feel in line with what you want out of life and what gives you joy. 

[Iam9man]

On 4/14/2019 at 10:54 PM, Abîme said:

This question has been on my mind for quite a while now, because my friends raised it some time back, and I could never really get over how strange and yet oddly understandable their analogy was. 

I do not feel romantically or sexually attracted (at least, I don't know of any romantic attraction). I have been brought up to be extremely sensitive to other people's emotions, and can detect them and generally deal with them very easily, unless you're dealing with what my friends call a 'fundamental flaw', such as always sounding overly condescending, or going on about completely useless stuff. As I do not feel repulsed by relationships, I have been in one with a really good friend of mine because I felt that they would feel that it would improve the friendship, and nothing would change for me. I do, however, tend to really like some people, such as my brothers, friends, professors, and mathematicians I really appreciate, in the usual friendly way. 

However, this liking is not at all close to the feelings I receive when reading up on either of mathematics, programming, or sciency stuff that I can still understand. 

Every time that I, for example, prove anything remotely difficult in my area of study, I feel a massive sense of euphoria. It's like I spent hours on something, doubting why I'd even bothered, or why I'm here studying maths in the first place. The feeling of acceptance I get at the end shows me time and time again that there's nothing I'd rather be doing. And it's not just limited to maths proofs. Anything even mildly related to my interests, such as cryptography or linguistics, can spark a huge amount of excitement in me.

As I tend to go on and on about stuff I like learning, my friends suggested we talk about this in a 'romantic attraction' sense. They suggested I perhaps have a crush on learning itself. We discussed symptoms they feel when they have a crush on somebody, and these fell really very close to how I feel about maths, as they pointed out (I would have actually disagreed, but here we are). I personally don't think that I like this stuff in a romantic sense, but how should I know? I never had a crush on anyone before...

I would therefore greatly welcome any suggestions you may have about this.

I do not mean this in the sense that I don't know whether I wish to have a romantic relationship with mathematics, because I do not, but rather whether firstly, a crush towards something so abstract is at all envisageable, and whether you think that the feelings may match up.

I relate to the feeling of euphoria from solving a maths problem, especially if I felt stuck for hours! I’m quite romantic and to me the feelings are quite different, although I agree the euphoria element can be similar. The romantic feeling is warmer and gentler. The maths euphoria is more of a thrill.

[Xstatic]

I've been with a romantic and an aromantic who get completely energized by learning.  I don't think that it's tied to romanticism.  It's more of a passion of learning and I, as an Allo/romantic find it sexy as hell.