Is there any literature on asexuality?

[susieblue]

Me again: :(

I am trying to find anything to help me understand asexuality and asexuals. Especially troubled relationships between asesuals and sexuals, preferably about asexual males. How they cope, what are they compromising on, what kind of therapy they choose(if they choose), how they handle their lifes.

Are there books or movies available?

I've tried amazon and googled, but did not find anything.

Any studies on asexuality?

These polls that have been conducted on this website, are they being evaluated and pulled together?

This website gives out a lot of information, but always from the asexual point of view or the sexual point of view. I would like to read something from an objective point of view, if this is at all possible.

I've seen some TV video's on CNN, FOX and others. But it seems these american Hosts are making fun of asexuals and asexuality, not taking it serious.

I would like to read about asexual men. How they handle the "man" talks when around sexual male friends. Do you come out to your male friends, if yes, how do they act? Are you a loner? Social phobic? Besides sexual attraction, is there anything else that's missing in your life? A wish for intimacy?

I understand that some asexuals are fine with the way they are. So, please don't beat me up here because I suggested that asexuals are missing something in their life. I just want to know if asexuals feel something is missing, like sexuals do, that are with asexuals. Maybe on another level?

I don't know if you understand, I am having a hard time putting my thoughts into words.

Thank You!

[Adventuress Heart]

I've been meaning to ask the same question. I haven't found anything on amazon, or hardly anything on the web at all about asexuality, I guess this is the one really beneficial site.

In my opinion, we need writting, personal experiences from older, and younger people. I'd read it for sure.

[kbrd143]

There are some things in the works.

First of all, there is a book about us by us that is being put together by David Jay and myself, along with input from a dozen or so other members of the board. Still in the planning stages at this time, but it is this close *holds fingers centimeters apart* to leaving the planning stages and becoming a real deal.

I know of at least one journalist who is working on an objective book on asexuality -- neither for us nor again' us, which might be more along the lines of what you are looking for. That could be at almost any stage of completetion, by this point, but I have no way of knowing. . . .

There have been articles of various types published in a number of periodicals, beginning, of course, with the New Scientist article in October of, I think, two years ago. Check World Watch and the Visibility forum for a full listing. . . .

In the meantime, I am an asexual male. I could help with some queries, if you wanted. . . .

[kbrd143]

I would like to read about asexual men. How they handle the "man" talks when around sexual male friends. Do you come out to your male friends, if yes, how do they act? Are you a loner? Social phobic? Besides sexual attraction, is there anything else that's missing in your life? A wish for intimacy?

I understand that some asexuals are fine with the way they are. So, please don't beat me up here because I suggested that asexuals are missing something in their life. I just want to know if asexuals feel something is missing, like sexuals do, that are with asexuals. Maybe on another level?

I don't know if you understand, I am having a hard time putting my thoughts into words.

Thank You!

Oh! You did have questions. Let me try to answer these, as I can, one by one.

First of all, those "man" talks: if the talk is anything other than jocular in nature, they bother me. I do not want to hear about someone's sexual conquests in "locker room" details. I am perfectly fine to be told that sexual things are going on in a person's life -- and, if they are significant, for some reason, I do not mind a certain level of detail. But bragging? Nah. Can't be bothered. So, I generally tend to walk away from it.

Have I come out to my male friends? Yes. And the ones to whom I was not out -- the new ones, for example, I have met at my new job -- I will be very out by Tuesday evening. (I am one of the people who participated in the 20/20 interview.) Some react very well, some react with disbelief -- some are downright incredulous -- but no one has been super, duper negative about it. Mostly, the problem most guys have is mistaking their own experiences for universal constants: "What about your urges?" they ask. What urges? Or, "You're going to be known as 'the guy who doesn't have sex!" I tell them that this is accurate enough, but it is something, I assume, which would mortify them. . .

Am I a loner or social phobic? Not that you would notice. I seem to require more down time by myself than most people do, but I am rather outgoing and gregarious when I am around other people. Or so I am told. Some asexuals are different and are very withdrawn in mixed company -- but the same could be said for sexuals.

Is there anything missing in my life? Other than my car keys. . . . No. I don't really have a sence that anything is missing from my life. I am very aware of the fact that I am ... somewhat disconnected from most of the people around me in that I just don't get this whole sex thing. And, if I am honest, I must admit that I sometimes wish that I could understand it, if only for a little while. However, as important as sex seems to others, I cannot make it important to me, so I accept myself, I accept my sexuality and I live my life as fully as I can -- ideally, without sex. (Although, I am perfectly capable of sexual activity, and, on occasion, I have been known to participate in such things. . . .)

I do enjoy relationships with others -- and, in fact, I am in a relationship now, with another asexual -- but many asexuals don't.

I am fully aware that I am not like other men, but I do not see this difference as a negative -- I do not feel as though it were something that I am missing. Rather, I see it as something that others need, but which I do not. I see it as a kind of freedom. . .

[vikingo]

With respect to articles, a few references can be found - mostly links to be followed - at the end of the the Wikipedia article on Asexuality: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

You can also check some of the AVEN threads for links to the outside world, e.g.:

The Library: http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/viewforum.php?f=15

World Watch: http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/viewforum.php?f=11

Asexual Q&A: http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/viewforum.php?f=5

It could be interesting to see some actual research on asexuality. However, expecting such research to solve problems for anyone here and now I would consider very (too) optimistic. Optimism is good and should be kept. But consider how long research has been conducted in the field of sexuality without even realising the existance of asexuality and without providing fundamental understanding of sexuality. Or love for that matter.

I never had problems with conversation with my male acquaintances. There are different reasons for that. One - and probably the most prominent - is that in the circles I belong to, males do talk about many other subjects besides about other human beings from a sexual interaction point of view. It may be different in other circles though.

Part of me find (a)sexuality intellectually interesting. But I do think that too much intellectualisation about such matters may be inappropriate. The energy is much better used by focusing on how one self functions in relation to other people, weighing with one self if a given relation is sustainable or not.