IndigoSeahorse Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 I know that I don't have a gender preference, but I can't tell if I am actually romantically attracted to people. I don't know if the things that I've called 'crushes' in the past are actually crushes and not just intense squishes(platonic crushes). I'm really confused and would like some help in figuring my identity out. Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 I’m biromantic and happy to help 🙂 Can you share a bit more detail, if you feel comfortable? Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoSeahorse Posted April 13, 2019 Author Share Posted April 13, 2019 Okay, well, I'm already pretty sure I'm ace, so that isn't really a factor. In terms of these 'crushes', I really want to spend time with and be close to them, but the idea of kissing or anything sorta grosses me out. Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 You don’t need to kiss anyone if you don’t want to 🙂 Do you relate late to having felt love at all? Here’s a description of what love feels like to me, which I posted a while back: There is something to the “you know when you have” with falling in love, but that doesn’t really help. I definitely know when I’m in love... but I spent years thinking I felt sexual attraction, so what do I know! 🙂 If it helps, to me love feels like a tingly feeling, I get excited to see the person and I want to be physically close to them (sensual, not sexual, attraction). This can then develop into a “loving” feeling in my chest, which I can only describe as a kind of excited warmth that radiates outwards and makes me see the best in the person and the world. Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoSeahorse Posted April 13, 2019 Author Share Posted April 13, 2019 I guess, but can't you have sensual attraction when in a platonic relationship? Out of all the attractions, I feel like romantic is the worst defined. I just don't get what really separates romantic attraction from other types. I don't really see much of a difference between a QPR and non-sexual romantic relationship other than exclusivity and kissing. Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 2 minutes ago, TurquoiseWhale said: can't you have sensual attraction when in a platonic relationship? I don’t see why not 🙂 3 minutes ago, TurquoiseWhale said: I don't really see much of a difference between a QPR and non-sexual romantic relationship other than exclusivity and kissing. I can’t / won’t tell you what label you should use, but that may mean you’re aromantic (I may be completely wrong on this, hopefully an aromantic person will join the conversation and correct me if necessary 🙂) Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoSeahorse Posted April 13, 2019 Author Share Posted April 13, 2019 Yeah, maybe my complete romantic confusion is actually my answer right there. Link to post Share on other sites
TrippleL Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 Good luck working this through. I’m following this thread so if I can add anything useful I will 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoSeahorse Posted April 13, 2019 Author Share Posted April 13, 2019 Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
AllTimeBubble Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 Hi, I'm aro so might be able to help a little bit. When you have potential crushes/squished, do you imagine cuddling close/spending all your time with them or is it more like imagining having really good conversations and doing friend things? Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted April 14, 2019 Share Posted April 14, 2019 I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'Romantic and Aromantic Orientations'. Michael Tannock, Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator. Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoSeahorse Posted April 14, 2019 Author Share Posted April 14, 2019 AllTimeBubble, now thinking about it, I usually just want to talk and spend time with them in general, but since I'm AFAB, it's generally seen as a normal best-friend thing to cuddle and hug, and sometimes that's involved, but usually I'm just a less huggy person in general than most of my female friends. Link to post Share on other sites
AllTimeBubble Posted April 14, 2019 Share Posted April 14, 2019 12 hours ago, TurquoiseWhale said: AllTimeBubble, now thinking about it, I usually just want to talk and spend time with them in general, but since I'm AFAB, it's generally seen as a normal best-friend thing to cuddle and hug, and sometimes that's involved, but usually I'm just a less huggy person in general than most of my female friends. Oh ok, that does sound more like a squish to me, so you might be aromantic but I'm not going to give you a label because of that either way, only you can decide ultimately who you are 😁😁 Link to post Share on other sites
AmorphousBlob Posted April 14, 2019 Share Posted April 14, 2019 Honestly, I just think of romantic attraction as "Do I want to date, kiss, or do things I personally consider romantic with this person?" I don't have a good grasp on my own feelings, so I could never differentiate attraction based on feelings alone. Though this question is a bit tricky, since not everyone considers the same things romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
IndigoSeahorse Posted April 15, 2019 Author Share Posted April 15, 2019 Thanks, this was all really helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
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