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brbdogsonfire

Sexaul dating asexual success story

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brbdogsonfire

Hey everyone. I often see requests from sexuals dating asexuals asking how to deal with the lack of sexual attraction in the relationship. 

 

I am a sexual male 30, dating an asexual female 25. We have been. Together for around 5.5 years now, and I've never been happier in a relationship. How this became the situation though took a lot of work, and a lot of communication about our concerns and needs.

 

The relationship was difficult at first for both of us but once we began to be able to be open with each other it became a lot easier.

 

We have played with open relationships, but have realized limited sexual contact is easier for both of us. These relationships can work they just take effort from both parties and both parties must accept that neither can get exactly what they want on the sexual front of both will be happy.

 

 

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Congratulations! I've read several threads on this site about the difficulties inherent in sexual/asexual relationships and how one or the other partner isn't communicating or some other issue that's compounding the problem. It's nice to read about a couple that's making it work!

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MrDane

Its doable, but it takes work and sometimes acceptable compromises cannot be reached. I think, we all have things which we are not willing to lose or sacrifice in order to stay in a relationship. A lot of those things, are even not connected to feelings of togetherness/loneliness, happiness/depression, loss of love/revitalizing love.

I will not accept violence, hurtful behaviour towards my children, not being allowed to speak, having my adult sovereignity removed, religious dogmas controlling my family life, being bullied... and , i want to be chosen as company once in a while, and on the milder side: i like my coffee with milk and drink three beers in the weekend.

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CBC

I'm glad you two have found something that works for you and that you're both happy. Sincerely. It's important to share those stories here. That said, it's also important for those in mixed relationships -- both the sexual and asexual partners alike -- to remember that sometimes happy compromises can't be found, and that's ok. It's no one's fault. It's a difficult situation.

 

But yeah, good to hear. I hope things continue to go well for you.

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☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I'm 7 months into my relationship with my ace/aro partner.  And those first few months were really really difficult!  Not because we weren't able to communicate or compromise or anything like that.  But because it was all completely new to both of us and it sometimes felt like climbing a wet cliff side.  I've kept my optimism throughout it all, and I'm very happy with us and how far we've come.  

 

It's always nice to hear from more couples who have worked it out.  More often than not, it doesn't end up that way (which is perfectly okay) but it does make my day brighter when I read about a mixed orientation couple who have figured out how to be happy with each other.

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brbdogsonfire

 

On 4/16/2019 at 12:00 PM, ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ said:

I'm 7 months into my relationship with my ace/aro partner.  And those first few months were really really difficult!  Not because we weren't able to communicate or compromise or anything like that.  But because it was all completely new to both of us and it sometimes felt like climbing a wet cliff side.  I've kept my optimism throughout it all, and I'm very happy with us and how far we've come.  

 

It's always nice to hear from more couples who have worked it out.  More often than not, it doesn't end up that way (which is perfectly okay) but it does make my day brighter when I read about a mixed orientation couple who have figured out how to be happy with each other.

There is a lot of pessimism on here about mixed relationships. From everything I have seen they can be tough for most people and both people really have to be on board for any compromise to work. Sadly that requires a sexual to either give up sex completely or to heavily limit it, while for the asexual they may have sex or sexual contact they would prefer not to normally. It is not easy for either party.

 

With that said I have experienced the frustration and feelings of being led on that so many sexuals have complained on here about. My relationship went nearly 2 years before we had any sexual contact, and that is difficult. At the same time people need to see it from the other persons point of view. Its not something the aro/ace will think about and keeping open communication about how you both feel about it can help. It also helped a lot when my monkey brain realized that advances and attempts at anything sexual being turned down were not because I was not wanted or attractive. It seems like an obvious statement but truly accepting that and being ok with it are difficult to do. 

 

Even most sexual relationships fail so understanding adding a layer of complexity onto the relationship inevitably makes it harder for both parties. That said you should not feel bad if the sexual incompatibility eventually causes it to end, but you knew it going in so its an invalid thing to be upset at the other person for.

 

Good luck in the relationship though, with all its difficulties I wouldn't change what I have for the world.

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