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Jumanji11

How to ask about an open relationship

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MrDane

@Jumanji11 I think I would go with uttering things in this order

1.I love you and I want to be your partner 

2. I really miss having partnered sex. 

3. I want us to try to see if there are ways/things/variation we could do together that would satisfy my need and which you could even enjoy. Perhaps more like a massage. I dont want you to do things, which you would rather not.

4.I want to have partnered sex in my life, and I have tried to be patient. Now I want us to work on a solution.

5.this is so important to me and my well-being that I will even want us to talk about opening our relationship, and allowing me to seek sex elsewhere. I want you to help me with finding a solution for this. What can you accept.

6. I am not willing to sacrifice my sexuality and need for partnered sex. If you chose to restrain me or go against me, then I will have to choose between losing my partner or my sexuality. 

 

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chandrakirti

Sounds sensible @anisotrophic..you can have too much of a good thing, as the saying goes.

Unfortunately my times in A&E have shown that the definition of madness is 'banging your head against the same brick wall time and time again, hoping for a different outcome'....

 

On the OP - it's probably more sensible to relate it all back to @Snao Cone's well considered thread about 'how I learned to love....' 

 

In other words 'horses for courses'.

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anisotrophic

Well, as an addendum, I think the permission for open/poly met a hedonic goal in the Epicurean approach, by removing the fear/pain I had of being trapped & unable to experience my sexuality with someone that desires me. I *would* love to experience that, but the most important goal is met now -- being allowed. (For me, this is what makes me happy.) :)

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chandrakirti

Well whatever system works for both of you is great. I'm crossing my fingers it goes well.

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Jumanji11
On 4/12/2019 at 4:05 PM, MrDane said:

@Jumanji11 I think I would go with uttering things in this order

1.I love you and I want to be your partner 

2. I really miss having partnered sex. 

3. I want us to try to see if there are ways/things/variation we could do together that would satisfy my need and which you could even enjoy. Perhaps more like a massage. I dont want you to do things, which you would rather not.

4.I want to have partnered sex in my life, and I have tried to be patient. Now I want us to work on a solution.

5.this is so important to me and my well-being that I will even want us to talk about opening our relationship, and allowing me to seek sex elsewhere. I want you to help me with finding a solution for this. What can you accept.

6. I am not willing to sacrifice my sexuality and need for partnered sex. If you chose to restrain me or go against me, then I will have to choose between losing my partner or my sexuality. 

 

Thank you thank you thank you. I used this as a template and wrote down what I plan on saying. I'm going to talk to him tonight. 

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MrDane
1 hour ago, Jumanji11 said:

Thank you thank you thank you. I used this as a template and wrote down what I plan on saying. I'm going to talk to him tonight. 

Wow, let us hear how it went! You can write a personal message if you want! 

 

It is never easy to be in a mixed relationship. Not even if one is a patient sexual, who is quite okay with mostly vanilla starfishing, unshaved legs and no french lingerie. And the other is an asexual, who occasionally enjoys sex and is quite keen on “giving me what I need to feel relaxed, loved and happy”.

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