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Purple Wanderer

Attracted

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Purple Wanderer

Those in relationships/seeking them.

 

Does your partner need to be attractive (in the physical sense - obviously they would have other qualities that are attractive, humour, intelligence etc etc)

 

Now I've been told several times the women I used to go for have often been unattractive. Ive always gone personality first - but for me theres always still been an element of aesthetic attraction. 

 

Could you date someone you found unattractive? Is it wrong to judge on physical characteristics if we dont want a physicak relationship. Thoughts?

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catra

well, i find 90% of girls i see aesthetically attractive, so i don’t think i’d ever have the problem of being with someone i find unattractive. if i did, though, (as shallow as this sounds) i’d probably need to find them at least a little pretty. i think that even if i found them unattractive at first, as my feelings grew, so would my (aesthetic) attraction.

 

i don’t think it’s wrong, though, to judge on physical characteristics. it’s great to focus on personality but i don’t think it would be the healthiest/best relationship if you thought your partner was ugly. 

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alicio

As cheesy as it sounds, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And for people like you, someone having other attractive qualities might make them overall beautiful in your eyes even if they aren't conventionally considered beautiful. Someone being an asshole can make them seem ugly to me, no matter how "pretty" they really are.

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CBC

I mean, as a non-ace, I do want a physical (sexual) relationship, but wanting that isn't based in finding someone hot or whatever. I tend to fall for people based on our connection, and whilst I don't think I could be with someone that I found unpleasant to look it, it's kind of like... the physical attraction is a result of my feelings. And on the flip side, I can see a random person who I recognise is attractive, but that has zero bearing on whether I want to have sex (or any sort of interpersonal connection) with them.

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Bloc
4 hours ago, Purple Wanderer said:

Those in relationships/seeking them.

 

Does your partner need to be attractive (in the physical sense - obviously they would have other qualities that are attractive, humour, intelligence etc etc)

 

Now I've been told several times the women I used to go for have often been unattractive. Ive always gone personality first - but for me theres always still been an element of aesthetic attraction. 

 

Could you date someone you found unattractive? Is it wrong to judge on physical characteristics if we dont want a physicak relationship. Thoughts?

My partners are physically attractive to me. I like their body, like watch them, like to touch them. They are not necessarily what it's called conventionally attractive. If I find someone physically unattractive I would not date them. But my idea of attractive and unattractive is different from what other people think. I find many or even most "hot" women and men unattractive.

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2XD

luckily people are attracted to different things.

 

Apparently i was "way hotter than my ex" according to some people, but i always felt like he was too god for me, because of his character and he was attractive to me, but I guess not in the "traditional" sense. 

 

That being said, I would have to be attracted to my partner. But i think physical attraction is also affected by emotional connection. Once I feel connected with someone and like them for their personality, physical attraction may follow. 

 

Though I think there are things I couldn't look past .... unfortunately

 

 

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Tapehead

I have had attractions to “unappealing” women based on their personality but for me it’s tough to date because I always end up just liking someone as a friend and they are usually oblivious to my feelings.  

 

For example I thought I had a crush on a co-worker.  Dreamed about her a few times, get happy when she likes my posts on Instagram etc.  spoke to her at a party and I felt my feelings vanish and almost instantly I just see her as a friend and she is a lovely girl I’d love to get to know more and form a friendship.

 

An emotional connection is the most important and a beautiful soul has won me over but as mentioned above; I get to know them more and end up just seeing them as a friend.  It’s like I lack that part of me to fall in love.  I can deeply love someone as a person I mean when I think about one of my girl friends I feel so many different loving emotions but I could never fall in love with her romantically.  I love her with everything I have tho as a friend and we always tell each other that we love one another.

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Guest

I definitely need an attractive partner or I'll feel disgusted. I think my general mode is asexual though if I find a partner that's attractive I would probably be able to survive in a sexual relationship. Nothing wrong with wanting a physically attractive partner, maybe they'll make you less asexual, at least that's how I feel.

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IceKing
On 4/9/2019 at 3:08 AM, Purple Wanderer said:

Could you date someone you found unattractive? Is it wrong to judge on physical characteristics if we dont want a physicak relationship. Thoughts?

First off: I don't think there is anything wrong with it. It's highly individual what one wishes/looks for when they are dating.
I value intelligence and a sense for cultural things and art in a person (be it friends or hypothetical partner) and people could say I'm wrong /selfish for it.
Second off: In my past I had closer relations with people I've found aesthetically less pleasing than I'd like to. Before knowing about asexuality I felt I'm blind to sexual attractiveness somehow but I'm still aware of the people I fnd aesthetically attractive. And I need to say it plays a greater role than I would have liked to admit in the past.
Don't get me wrong I do love the personality of someone and think it's a very important aspect (I always thought the most important aspect). But especially in romance I noticed how different I felt towards a guy where I thought "he looks alright" and a girl where I thought "she is really cute and I love her smile" (I liked them both in regards to their personaility). I don't think looks are the essence of dating but I do think they still play a (tiny) role, even for asexuals.

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CBC
On 4/9/2019 at 3:30 AM, 2XD said:

Apparently i was "way hotter than my ex" according to some people

I once had a medical professional insinuate that I was physically out of the league of the person I was in a relationship with at the time. Awkward af. How the hell am I supposed to respond to that...?!

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InquisitivePhilosopher
23 minutes ago, CBC said:

I once had a medical professional insinuate that I was physically out of the league of the person I was in a relationship with at the time. Awkward af. How the hell am I supposed to respond to that...?!

Wow. How unprofessional and rude! I'm sorry you went through that.

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CBC
8 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

Wow. How unprofessional and rude! I'm sorry you went through that.

It was rather unprofessional, yeah. Like I wasn't being hit on exactly... I don't think... but I certainly thought it was an odd and inappropriate comment. More than anything, I was just surprised. Pretty sure my face was something like this.

 

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InquisitivePhilosopher

@CBC Yeah. I don't if they meant their comment to be a joke, an ice-breaker to ease your visit to the doctor's; a subtle, flirtatious comment, meant that you should be dating them, instead, or what...

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CBC
25 minutes ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

@CBC Yeah. I don't if they meant their comment to be a joke, an ice-breaker to ease your visit to the doctor's; a subtle, flirtatious comment, meant that you should be dating them, instead, or what...

More info on the situation: I spent a few days on a medical ward for a physical issue and prior to being discharged they wanted me to speak with a crisis worker to make sure I was doing ok since I've a history of mental health issues. That was the person who made the comment, the crisis guy. It was... yeah, odd.

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Katiie

Aesthetic attraction matters to me, yes. I still feel physical attraction through it, I just don't want to have sexual relations at all.

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Iam9man

I’m generally only romantically attracted to a woman I find aesthetically attractive, although someone one person considers attractive may not be the same for the next person.

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Squirrel Combat

I prefer an equal balance between physical attractiveness and personality.

 

It's like a song with a nice tune. I just want to immerse myself in it and learn everything about it.

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