Jump to content

Too young to come out?


#Pancake

Recommended Posts

Hi! I'm a female teen, and I'm 99.9% sure I'm a panromantic ace. Even though I am pretty sure of this, I'm kind of scared to tell my friends, just in case I suddenly start dating someone and something changes. But on the other hand, I feel trapped with them not knowing and feel like if they know I feel awkward talking about boys, and may refrain from it, which would be a lot easier for me. Am I too young to come out? Sorry if this has already been answered, I'm new here. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lady Constellation

I agree with the person above me. If you feel ready to come out, and coming out won't cause you any  harm, go ahead. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
firewallflower

As I see it, whether or not you "should" (in quotation marks because I'm also inclined to say this isn't the kind of question with a right/wrong answer) come out depends largely on factors other than your chronological age: Do you have a safe environment to come out in (if not, then being younger could make taking that step especially risky)? Are you comfortable enough in your own identity to want to share that identity with others? Do you feel personally ready to announce it to the world? Would coming out make you happier, more comfortable, or otherwise have a positive impact for you in some way?

 

These are the questions I'd recommend asking yourself. Don't pressure yourself to come out if you aren't totally sure—there's nothing wrong with waiting—but if you want to do so and feel ready, then by all means go for it, and more power to you! Teenagerhood is a time when plenty of people discover their sexual orientation... so if you're old enough to declare yourself as gay, straight, or bi, I'm inclined to think you're probably old enough to declare yourself as ace if you want.

 

That said, you're right that it's always possible something may change in the future. The reality is that this could happen at any time (there are people, including some right here on AVEN, who didn't experience sexual attraction until later in adulthood, and there's really no way of knowing for sure whether that will ever happen), but statistically, it would certainly seem more likely the younger you are. But the thing to keep in mind: If you/your feelings change, there's nothing wrong with that. (Spoiler: Being human, you/your feelings are bound to change in some ways throughout life, even if sexuality doesn't turn out to be one of those ways.) If you decide to come out now and then later need to revise your label, that's okay. If you decide to come out now and stick with your label for the rest of your life, that's okay. If you decide not to come out now and then later discover another label is more accurate, that's okay. And if you decide not to come out now and never develop any feelings warranting a different label, that's okay too. It's all okay. As long as you're listening to and accepting yourself and your feelings with an open mind (there's this idea, which I agree with, that labels should be "descriptive, not prescriptive"), that's what matters.

 

So, to return to the question of whether you should come out, one more question: Is the possibility of something changing in future (perhaps even warranting "coming out" for a second time, with a different label) a possibility you're okay with? If the answer to that and the other questions is yes (or at least, not no), then it's up to you. (But if the answer is no, then I would probably advise waiting, simply because, in the event—no matter how likely or unlikely—that you find yourself not panromantic asexual after all, you don't want to feel trapped by a now-inaccurate label.)

 

So with all that said, if you would like to come out, feel ready, and there's not significant risk involved, I'd say go for it. :D

 

On another tack, welcome to the forums! It being AVEN tradition to offer cake to newcomers, may I?

P1050364.JPG

This is a lovely community, by and large, and I hope you find what you seek here. :cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites

The thing to remember especially when you're young is that nothing has to be concrete. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. So you tell your friends you're pretty sure you're a panromantic asexual. Then two years later you figure out that you're not asexual or that you like only one gender romantically or that you're aromantic. That doesn't make what you said before wrong, at that time, that was the best way you had of explaining yourself. Later on maybe that will change or maybe not and there's nothing wrong with that. When you're young, it tends to feel like whatever you label yourself as has to be true forever for it to be real, but really it's just what fits you right now, and that's fine.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You are never "too young". Anyone who insists that is giving bad advice and you should ignore it. Does anyone ever tell a young person your age they're "too young to know" if they come out as straight? No. If someone your age can determine that they're straight, then you can determine your orientation too. Anyone who insists you're "too young" is a heteronormative loser.

 

Also, it's your identity. You get to pick your labels, not anyone else.

 

Good luck coming out, panromantic asexual :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

One particular aspect you mention:  just telling your friends that you are asexual doesn't mean that they will stop talking about sex and romance when you're around.  If that's the  major reason you're considering coming out to them, think more about it.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...