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scarletlatitude

"Ask a Sex Therapist: If I’ve Never Enjoyed Sex, Does That Mean I’m Asexual?"

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scarletlatitude

Allure

https://www.allure.com/story/why-sex-always-bad-am-i-asexual

 

4 April 2019

 

TMI warning - talks about sex and sex practices. Snippet below 

 

Spoiler
Quote

DEAR VANESSA: I’ve been sexually active for a couple of years, with a few different partners. I’ve had a decent amount of sex, although I wouldn’t describe myself as “experienced.” My problem is that I’ve never enjoyed it; in the moment, it simply doesn’t feel great. I never think about sex and I never crave it. I feel like I could be perfectly happy never having it again. I don’t understand all the hype about sex. Am I missing something? I feel a lot of anxiety about this whole situation. Does this mean I’m not that into sex?- Just Don’t Care (But I Guess I Care Enough to Write This Email?), 20

 

DEAR JDC: There are two possibilities here: that you’re just not that into sex, or that you’re just not that into the sex you’ve had thus far.

 

 

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daveb

Barely mentions asexuality and gets it wrong. (the quote below from the article is from a sex therapist)

 

 "Asexuals have no libido, and demisexuals have a tiny bit of libido. It’s all a spectrum," Richmond explains. 

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sithgirlix

This is why we need visibility. Ugh.

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RoseGoesToYale

I'm going to be very blunt... if asexuality gained more visibility, sex therapists might lose business. They have absolutely no incentive to cover asexuality or encourage clients to explore it, because on the chance that they do and realize that asexuality fits them best, they won't go back to the sex therapist... why would they need to? The main purpose of a sex therapist is to listen to the sexual goals of clients and come up with a plan to help them attain those goals.

 

The asker does not seem distressed about the actual lack of sex. They even state they'd be happy not having sex again, and sign their letter "Just Don't Care". This could be me reading into it, but it sounds like the asker is worried that not being interested in sex makes them socially not normal. The appropriate response to this is "You might be asexual. Here are some resources, check 'em out. If you feel like it fits you, that's great! If not and you have more concerns, come talk to me. Bottom line is you don't have to have sex if you don't want to." Period. The asker did not ask for sex tips, yet the therapist goes on to push a (rather extensive) sexual regimen on them, and that kind of disturbs me.

 

I should point out my bias here... I already have reservations about psychologist/psychiatrists because they also turn a profit off of patients, plus a few bad experiences in kind. I'm sure there is a tiny minority of LGBTQIA sex therapists out there who are with it, and hearing more from them in the media would be awesome.

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MLJ
5 hours ago, daveb said:

Barely mentions asexuality and gets it wrong. (the quote below from the article is from a sex therapist)

 

 "Asexuals have no libido, and demisexuals have a tiny bit of libido. It’s all a spectrum," Richmond explains. 

Where does that quote appear? I can't find it anywhere on the page. (And the author of the blog is Vanessa Marin.)

 

I thought what she said about asexuality was very good. She says that asexuality is "relatively common and completely normal"  and is aware that asexuals can either be perfectly fine never having sex OR getting involved in romantic relationships that include "a sexual component that feels good to you."

 

She does spend more time on what to do to increase your enjoyment of sex than she did on asexuality, but I'd guess most sexually inexperienced young people who find sex "meh" probably just haven't learned what they like yet. I also liked how she emphasized that most people (i.e. most sexual people) aren't constantly obsessed with and craving sex.

 

It seemed like a pretty accurate and well-balanced article to me.

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daveb
22 minutes ago, MLJ said:

Where does that quote appear? I can't find it anywhere on the page. (And the author of the blog is Vanessa Marin.)

oops, my mistake!

I clicked the link in the quoted bit to an article about "normal female libido". I should have clicked the link to the article scarlet linked to at the top of the OP.

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