Should I ask my parents to go see a psychologist? Please, I really need some advice

[alien.hedgehog]

I'm literally exhausted. I have panic attacks almost daily for two years. I can't sleep right anymore. Some days I can't sleep at all and others I sleep twelve hours and I still don't have enough energy to get out of bed and do something.

 

I love my hobbies but I just couldn't do something creative in a long time, I want to go study music after highschool but I can't bring myself to exercice enough. 

 

Everyone told me that I lost weight AGAIN recently and my parents beg me to eat in some days, but even the smell of food grosses me out. It's like everything grosses me out.

 

I make every mistake and bad thing that happens so big of a deal. Most of the time I know it's not something so bad but I just can't help myself, I tell myself how fucking stupid I am and how I can't even do something right. I tell myself that my mom was right, that I'm useless and I'm not going to do anything in life because this world is just not made for me.

 

People exhaust me the most. In most days just the sight of other people brings my mood to the ground. It doesn't matter if that day was normal and nothing happend, just their faces and their voices make me go insane. They all speak so damn loud, it's like something is constantly drilling in my ears and banging my brain to my skull. I started smoking because it's the only thing that actually helps me calm down and prevent panic attacks(and makes me hungry enough to be willing to eat something). Even in my bad days staying in the bus stop, a little far away from other people and litting a cigarette helps me compose myself until I get home. 

 

Even this acearo thing makes everything worse. I love that I finally understood myself and I entered in this great comunity but at the same time is almost unbearable. I'm so tired of living in this world, surrounded by horny teens who can think just about how to get laid. I'm so tired of the music teacher in my highschool who keeps herrasing be and my ex(a year ago I thought that I was a lesbian and I was with a girl in my school and because one of my classmates couldn't shut up now this guy knows) and keeps bullying me(in my face, but with other classes too) because I have an illness that prevents me from getting out the house without my sunglasses on(in sunny days, when it's rainy or are just clouds on the sky is somewhat bearable). I'm tired of doubting myself everyday and thinking that I lie to myself just because I want to be a part of a comunity. And I'm so tired of people telling that didn't get a good dick and that I'm confused, especially of LGBTQ+ members who tell me that I will get over this.

 

I keep having problems with my anger. This is actually a thing that I take from my mother. Because of her relationship with my biological father she has pretty bad anger issues that she in some ways caused mine through the way she treated me. And now there are some days when I literally scream and swear for the smallest of things, and in other I run out of my class and lock myself in the bathroom just so I could cry and punch and kick the walls trying to calm myself.

 

And somethimes I have an actually good day. Like I'm home alone and all I do is watching anime while drinking Cola and playing with my cat but I still feel so damn exhausted. And I know that sleep will not solve it because I don't feel it like a phisical exhaustion, is more like a mental thing. And I'm like"Why are you like this you stupid bitch? Why?".

 

I really don't want to put something like this here(I don't even know if this is the right place to post it anyway), but I literally don't have anywhere else to go for advice. My best friend is such a caring person, she takes everyone else's problems like her own and I really don't want to be a burden for her, especially now after she went through a really bad breakup. My parents can't understand this, I tried to tell them about my panic attacks in the past but they only brushed it off like it's not a big deal,"Just stop panicking so much.", they say"What a great fucking advice, then give me more money so I could buy more packs of cigarettes and stop scratching and bitting my arms when I am home just because I can't smoke and calm myself", I think but never say. My school psychologist is not an option either because she is the type of person who thinks that introverts don't have a right to live. The last time when I went to see a psychologist(five years ago) it wasn't a great experience. My mom was in the room al time, the doctor kept correcting my posture and making me feel unconfortable while not letting me finish my ideas and telling me that my problems are not a big deal and I should just get over it, in the final she proclamed that the computer and internet where at fault(of course) and kicked me back home telling me to stop staying on my computer and start learning more math(because that aparently solves all your problems). Because of that and the fact that my family stays pretty bad with money those months I'm reluctant to go get some help. 

 

Again, I'm sorry that I put this here, but please, PLEASE, tell me what I should do. I feel that I'm breaking down and I just don't know what to do anymore. 

[Sethyenn]

I'm really sorry to hear all of this. Right now I'm in somewhat similiar and at the same time different situation. The only thing I can say is that if you want to go to see a therapist,  you need to find a good one. I don't think that's an easy task, there is a lot of weird ones out there. By the sound of it, I don't think your parents would have been exactly happy if they heard this all. There is an option to go to some therapist once you will be 18 (Idk if you are already) but you will have to get money for that. I'm not telling you to not ask them,I think you should actually, at least you would have known what's their opinion.

 

I'm sure there will be someone with better advice than me, the only thing I can tell you is to try to live on...it doesn't solve anything but there is a chance that something will happen. Right now I'm kind of a mess so I don't know if this all has a point but i guess it maybe has? I just wanted to tell you that you need to be carefull with psychologists x)

 

[Back to Avalon]

It sounds like you're going through a lot, and I hope you find a good therapist to help you deal with it. Your medical insurance might cover psychologist visits, or you might be able to see someone for free or low cost through your county's mental health services. If there is a college or university nearby, you might find low-cost psychological services offered by the psychology graduate students. If you need to tell your parents why you want to see a therapist, you might tell them something they would approve of, like "I'm trying to quit smoking" or "I need to sort out my feelings about college." (I don't know your parents, of course. I'm just guessing.) If your plan is to lie to your parents about where you go when you have a therapy appointment, they'll probably find out if you do this through their insurance. (I don't know, though. There might be privacy laws protecting you. You could call the insurance company and find out.)

 

I know it's tough when your parents can't or won't listen and understand. I hope you find someone who can help you deal with everything. Good luck.

 

[Akmenos]

39 minutes ago, Back to Avalon said:

If you need to tell your parents why you want to see a therapist, you might tell them something they would approve of, like "I'm trying to quit smoking" or "I need to sort out my feelings about college." (I don't know your parents, of course. I'm just guessing.)

Oh my gosh, I’m so so sorry to hear you’re going through this. Nobody deserves to suffer like that. I agree with @Back to Avalon. Try explaining to your parents what you go through, and that you desperately need help. They may not quite understand mental illnesses, so being clear will help. Hopefully, they’ll care about you enough to find a good therapist. If that doesn’t work, I reccomend anxiety hotlines when you have panic attacks, or maybe an addiction hotline. They’re someone you can fall back on, and maybe they’ll help you find a therapist. Perhaps look into online therapy as well. I hope things turn out better for you.

[alien.hedgehog]

I didn't posted here for a long time, but I wanted to thank all of you for your advices and support, it really means a lot to me. Because of some circumstances I ended up telling my parents about everything I've been dealing with. The discution didn't go so well(mainly because my parents never know how to shut up) but it wasn't the dissaster I imagined it to be. So I started seeing a psychologist for a couple of weeks now and taking medication. The situation hasn't change very much but I like to think that I'm progressing. Also I hope that after a while those issues will disappear or that I will learn to manage them better.

 

So, again, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm really glad that I'm a part of such a beautiful comunity that was ready to help me when I needed. I will keep trying, because today I actually had a good day after a long time and I want more of those.