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The dam has broken the revenge of the over dramatic title!


The Cake is Not a Lie

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The Cake is Not a Lie

I'm 14 and have only recently figured out I'm ace. After I found out I was ace it has felt like the dam has broken. I am constantly having anxiety about having to figure out my romantic orientation even though I know it's not necessary to figure it out right now. I've tried not thinking about it but it just keeps eating away at me. I also am thinking I might have a crush on one of my friends that lives out of state which isn't helping things. Can anyone help?

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HonoraryJedi

Take deep breaths. Focus on other aspects of your life until this one makes more sense. You are right in that you do not need to have things figured out at 14. But since this knowledge clearly isn't helping your anxiety, start treating the anxiety as anxiety rather than as effect of not knowing your precise orientation. For myself, when I have these spirals, what I think is the cause is rarely actually the cause. If the anxiety itself gets bad, see if there is someone you can talk to. Of course school should have someone on the payroll to help students with stuff like that, but I don't know what the school system is like in Fearûn x)

 

Having a crush can be confusing if you are already questioning your orientation. I problem like that is what drove me to seek out this forum in the first place. But honestly, I think this will give you a chance to focus some practical aspects of this like what you actually want right now, what kind of relationship you want, and what kind of feelings you have, instead of the more general questions of identity and orientation. Really, it makes sense to figure out what you feel and want first, before trying to use these things to find a label for yourself, yes? So, consider what you want and feel right now, and less about what this means about you as a person forever. I hope that makes sense.

 

Also, random advice on crush. If you have plans on meeting up in person, wait with taking any action of worrying too much about how you feel until you've had a chance to figure it out in person. I could have saved a lot of trouble for myself if I had stuck to my initial plan of doing that, I think.

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