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Is it wrong to want to stay a virgin forever?


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everywhere and nowhere
2 hours ago, Zero_is_al1v3 said:

I would love to die a virgin, i don't like the idea of me having sex with anyone, at any time of my life.

I plan to do so too. I'm absolutely sex-averse and I can't even imagine circumstances in which I could have sex. I simply couldn't so it and I choose to accept myself instead of giving in to a mindset which pathologises sex aversion.

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15 hours ago, Zero_is_al1v3 said:

I would love to die a virgin, i don't like the idea of me having sex with anyone, at any time of my life.

Same

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  • 3 weeks later...

I very much plan to die a virgin. I have made it to my 40th year as such, and see nothing changing in that regard. Other people can think what they like, but at the end of the day we shouldn't be pressured into something we don't want just because most of society expects people to want it.

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everywhere and nowhere
47 minutes ago, Sam M said:

I very much plan to die a virgin. I have made it to my 40th year as such, and see nothing changing in that regard. Other people can think what they like, but at the end of the day we shouldn't be pressured into something we don't want just because most of society expects people to want it.

I'm of the same opinion, and incidentally, I'm forty years old too.

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  • 2 weeks later...

At the age of 33, I did not experience romantic feelings. I also have an aversion to sex. So yes, I hope to die a virgin.

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  • 2 weeks later...
hudsonvalley76

I am sex repulsed. I am a 45 year old virgin and I will remain a virgin until the day I die.

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No it’s not wrong at all. I wish I was still a virgin as I sadly did have sex with someone years ago. But I wished I’d never had sex now and stayed a virgin

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Following Through

If being a virgin is wrong I don’t want to be right.

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Before I accepted my asexuality, I thought my not having had sex was a failure in life because sex is the thing "adults" do, implying that if you don't have sex, you're still a literal child (even with 30).

 

But immediately the moment I accepted I'm ace I realized all this obsession about your "virgin status" is all bullcrap. And I immediately also stopped caring. So yeah, I don't intend to have sex anytime soon, but not dogmatically, more like because I never felt like it and it kind of freaks me out a bit.

 

There is actually a lot of interesting history about why virginity is even a concept that people care about in the first place and the short version is this is based on ancient superstition and also was use far too often as one of many excuses to oppress women into submission, or to force them into special roles they never asked for. Virginity (as a concept) for a long time was a woman-only thing.

The notion of the "male virgin" is a relatively young notion but that doesn't mean it's any better. The modern version of "virgin" is basically just synonymous with "loser".

Culturally, virginity is a lose-lose situation. Either virgins are the purest and goodest beings that walk earth, implying that any sexual interaction is by default dirty and shameful, or virgins are losers. Either way, there's always someone who is looked down upon.

 

But virginity is a made-up concept, and not even a good one. Even the term is kind of ideological. I mean, we have a lot of other sex or romance-related things that have no special words. While we have a word for "never had sex", we have NO well-known word for no kissing, no petting, no masturbation, no pr0n viewing, etc. etc. etc. It is interesting that it is ONLY sex that has this special treatment. Which just shows how arbitrary it is.

 

Therefore, the answer to the question "Is it wrong to want to stay a virgin forever?" is a resounding "No!". But there's a caveat: It is not wrong when it is your actual geniune feeling. But it starts to get dangerous when this want is not your real want but a want to please others. It becomes toxic when you try to FORCE yourself into virginity. Certain religious groups have abused this heavily to push some "no sex before marriage" nonsense which is basically brainwashing. And we all "know" how "great" abstinence-only "education" works, don't we? ;) (NOT!)

 

Basically, avoiding sex because you never felt like it in the first place is completely ok. But avoiding sex only to appeal some kind of virginity cult is NOT good for you, because that way, you let others dictate your sexuality.

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I thought it was because no one would or could love me or be attracted in any way. :P 

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What I hear from this (incredibly old) question is: Is it wrong to not do something I do not want to. And the answer is generally "no," particularly if that involves being violated.

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1 minute ago, daveb said:

I thought it was because no one would or could love me or be attracted in any way. :P 

Frankly, that is ridiculous. You are entirely lovable and deserving of love.

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9 hours ago, Zagadka said:

Frankly, that is ridiculous. You are entirely lovable and deserving of love.

Yeah, that's one of those things my brain wants me to doubt. 😐 

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everywhere and nowhere
10 hours ago, Kroete said:

Therefore, the answer to the question "Is it wrong to want to stay a virgin forever?" is a resounding "No!". But there's a caveat: It is not wrong when it is your actual geniune feeling. But it starts to get dangerous when this want is not your real want but a want to please others. It becomes toxic when you try to FORCE yourself into virginity. Certain religious groups have abused this heavily to push some "no sex before marriage" nonsense which is basically brainwashing. And we all "know" how "great" abstinence-only "education" works, don't we? ;) (NOT!)

 

Basically, avoiding sex because you never felt like it in the first place is completely ok. But avoiding sex only to appeal some kind of virginity cult is NOT good for you, because that way, you let others dictate your sexuality.

Come on, this is an asexual forum. We can safely assume that the vast majority of people here who want never to have sex make this choice not due to sex shaming, but because they are asexual and don't desire sex.

Some asexuals may want to try sex, to know "what the fuss is all about". But some - including myself - indeed want never to have sex. I don't feel distressed about it in any way because already as a child I realised that if I don't want to have sex, I simply won't. But I have read testimonies from aces who felt like sex was something inevitable and it gave them a lot of anxiety and distress. These aces - sex-averse, but still quite strongly influenced by sociocultural sex normativity - are the most vulnerable ones and they, perhaps the most of all aces, need to feel assured and empowered in having the right to choose celibacy for life. The very idea that there could be anything wrong about such a choice feels outrageous, because people who don't want to have sex shouldn't have sex. Nobody should have sex without explicitly and certainly wanting it (yup, I also believe that if someone's feelings about sex are "I'm not opposed to the idea", than they shouldn't have sex - "not being opposed" is too little). Our culture needs to stop assuming that sex is for everyone, that it's impossible not to enjoy it, and stop shaming and pressuring people who prefer celibacy.

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On 2/13/2022 at 12:46 AM, hudsonvalley76 said:

I am sex repulsed. I am a 45 year old virgin and I will remain a virgin until the day I die.

I wouldn't say I'm sex repulsed, I just have no interest for it. I thought losing my virginity back in the late 90s, but quickly that passed.

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On 2/16/2022 at 12:40 AM, Kroete said:

The modern version of "virgin" is basically just synonymous with "loser".

Culturally, virginity is a lose-lose situation. Either virgins are the purest and goodest beings that walk earth, implying that any sexual interaction is by default dirty and shameful, or virgins are losers. Either way, there's always someone who is looked down upon.

A friend here on AVEN and I have discussed the same thing.

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oxygenfluoride

There's nothing wrong with it. Before I'd delved deeper into this on the interwebs, I never thought there was something wrong with it.

 

I guess in the West being a virgin is synonymous with being a loser.

 

I would love to die a virgin, it is a source of pride & a superpower to me.

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I tried it due to peer pressure (and lack of inner strength to say no), I can honestly say that for me, I wish I had never tried it, I hated it and felt violated, the only thing I can say in its favour, I tried it, I didn't like it, I stopped, but I knew then that it wasn't for me, I'm in my fifties and I was in my teens when I tried sex for the first and last time, part of me regrets trying, part of me thinks that I had to try it to know whether it was right for me.

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  • 5 months later...
On 3/29/2019 at 2:29 PM, Guest iwanttolearn said:

Hello, how is everyone?

 

so many people make dying a virgin seem like such a bad thing and I’m here hoping that could happen to me...

 

can anyone else relate? I think, I’m not sure, but I might actually be sex-repulsed or sex aversive too, I just never ever want to do it..I can’t even and don’t even want to imagine or think of myself doing it...

 

Please let’s discuss about this... :)

Hello! I’m tired, but on AVEN anyway. I will also die a virgin if everything goes as planned.

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I would like to experience sex with a life partner at some point in my life but doubt it will ever happen. But I'm doubtful about intercourse itself because I'm not sure I'm that attracted to it and it seems so much easier to never have to worry about pregnancy or STDs. So I wouldn't mind never having intercourse. 

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Personally, I want to die a virgin. I not only don’t have any interest in sex, but I am repulsed by it, so I’d be happy to never have sex in my life 

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  • 3 months later...
Sister Mercurial

@sexyvirgin I see the above is your first post.  The following post (intended to provide new members with information about asexuality and the various other forms of attraction that may lead to relationships without sex necessarily having to be involved) may be of help: 

 

 

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Glad I am not alone on staying a virgin. Growing up I think one of things that stressed me about non platonic relationships is that in the future sex would be involved. Like not only because I don't want it but I just not fan of nudity and vulnerability it would bring. I had a friend senior year of high school that casually started hooking up with people, I was supportive but confused. Just something I am not curious about or something I want to do. I rather jump out of plane lmao. Only thing i worry about it is if someone bring it up (including my lack of interest in dating). I have always been one who never fit the "ideal life", I just want to blend in . I don't want people to think I am immature or just selfish or career focused. My values and interests and feelings are just elsewhere. 

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I'm a 38 year old virgin and plan on staying that way - unless there is some drastic change in the way I feel about sex. There's nothing "wrong" with that. Everyone can do what they want with their own body.

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i don't usually bring up whether or not i've had sex with people who know i'm asexual because i want them to know that asexuality isn't the same thing as never having had sex and that my sexual history isn't relevant to my identity. that being said, i wish that i could feel and express that i'm proud of being a virgin, not in the sense that being a virgin is in itself a good thing (especially relating to purity or morality), but just in the sense that i'm glad i never felt pressured to do something i didn't want to do and also because i'm not ashamed of it.

 

i think of myself as sex-positive in the sense that i think that everyone who has the capacity to make the decision should have as much or as little consensual sex as they want to - for me personally that means none at all but that doesn't mean that i think sex itself is a bad thing.

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Im happy to die a Virgin. It doesn’t bother me, im a male and im 40. I’ve never had sex, I don’t want to have sex anymore, im not interested in it. I watch porn every month or so but I don’t like it, when I masturbate I never get an orgasm, im uptight, so that doesn’t help but I don’t care. If I could stop looking at porn for good and stop wanking, I’d be happy with that, it’s just habit I have, I know it’s distgusting. I don’t care anymore if I come over nerdy or not experienced sexually. My sex drive was at its highest as a teenager now it’s low, there are reasons why I’ve not had sex but that’s my private domain. I’m proud to be a 40 year old male virgin, hopefully till I die. 

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5 hours ago, Albert34 said:

Im happy to die a Virgin. It doesn’t bother me, im a male and im 40. I’ve never had sex, I don’t want to have sex anymore, im not interested in it. I watch porn every month or so but I don’t like it, when I masturbate I never get an orgasm, im uptight, so that doesn’t help but I don’t care. If I could stop looking at porn for good and stop wanking, I’d be happy with that, it’s just habit I have, I know it’s disgusting. I don’t care anymore if I come over nerdy or not experienced sexually. My sex drive was at its highest as a teenager now it’s low, there are reasons why I’ve not had sex but that’s my private domain. I’m proud to be a 40 year old male virgin, hopefully till I die. 

Welcome to AVEN from a 61 year old virgin. 

 

I've masturbated regularly since my late teens. For most of my life though I enjoyed it, I did feel some shame for doing it. When I joined AVEN and read of guys here discussing it in a positive way, I felt better about it. Since then I've chatted with a couple of people here who were struggling with their own 'activities'. After a while they felt much better about things. 

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On 9/4/2022 at 1:52 PM, Autumn ace said:

Personally, I want to die a virgin. I not only don’t have any interest in sex, but I am repulsed by it, so I’d be happy to never have sex in my life 

Same

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