2XD Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 Hi all Im hoping for some advice on how to gently let someone know that you're not romantically interested in them. Basically, I have been chatting (Acebook messages, AceApp messages, WhatsApp) with a few guys, and we have talked about trivial stuff, but also personal things. Some are very flirty and Im worried that they think I might like them. I dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but how do I kinda make it clear that I dont see them in a romantic way (and never will) without actually having "the talk". Im not sure if they like me, so I dont want to just assume so, but I also kind of want to nip it in the butt, before they might develop some deeper feelings and also continue chatting as friends. Not sure if this makes sense. Has anyone been in this situation, on either side of it? I have been mentioning other guys ("This guy I've been talking to said . . . .") but I dont know if that's enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 If they're being flirty and you don't make it clear that you don't like that, they will continue doing it. It's less hurtful -- and confusing -- to be very clear and blunt than letting it go on. Link to post Share on other sites
BumpaBump Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 Totally agree on Sally with this one. You've got to do yourself the favor of just straight up letting them know you're not interested rather than potentially giving mixed messages and them continuing to come on to you thinking there might be some slim chance of it working out. Link to post Share on other sites
2XD Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 2 hours ago, Sally said: If they're being flirty and you don't make it clear that you don't like that, they will continue doing it. It's less hurtful -- and confusing -- to be very clear and blunt than letting it go on. The flirtyness doesn't really bother me. When its something that does, I have said so in the past. I am very sarcastic and joke around and that's a friendly thing to do, but i guess some people could also see it as flirting. Its the same the other way around, which is why I dont know if its just friendly behavior or actually an attempt at flirting. 18 minutes ago, BumpaBump said: Totally agree on Sally with this one. You've got to do yourself the favor of just straight up letting them know you're not interested rather than potentially giving mixed messages and them continuing to come on to you thinking there might be some slim chance of it working out. The question isn't really IF, but how. Since the whole "do you like me" or whatever hasn't been discussed, I dont know if there's any expectations. So id feel dumb just saying "hey, I dont know if you like me, but just FYI, I dont like you". Seems kinda messed up. Im just looking for people who might have been in this situation. Like I said before, I have mentioned talking to multiple other people. So Im hoping no-one thinks theres an exclusivity and is upset. Are there any other things that can be said to kinda make things clear on a friendship basis? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 Just bring in the topic of dating or something relevant to it and then if they ask or say anything about it to you and what your feelings are on it, just say you have no interest in it. Or you could just ask "You getting mixed signals are you just being friendly or flirty?" See what they reply and act according to that. If they try and say they can change your mind put your foot down otherwise it will never end. If they respect you and say they understand, good. If not then I suggest you do not bother because those are not respecting you. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 the eternal human struggle: how to communicate without having to communicate or load up a grenade laucher with rubber rounds Link to post Share on other sites
gabriele Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 I always say that honesty is the best policy. The sooner you tell them honestly - the better. I get if you don't want to hurt their feelings, I'm the same way. But if you don't tell them clearly and honestly - it might lead to them not quite getting the point, still thinking they can get somewhere or other not pleasant situations that will hurt more feelings that telling the truth. I know it's not the most pleasant thing to do, but sometimes it just has to be done. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 Clear honesty is best. It doesn't have to be mean and it doesn't have to be a long explanation. Just make it clear that you are not interested in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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