Embracing Femininity

[catkid]

You know, for a long time now, the way I wished to express my gender was more leaning towards masculine. It's been that way ever since I was a kid. I wanted my appearance to be stereotypically male. Short hair, flat chest, the works. It wasn't that I hated being feminine, I just preferred the masculine aesthetic. Of course, it wasn't really a matter of importance to me until I was told I was too old to be acting that way when I was ten. A part of me railed against this. I absolutely refused to wear feminine clothing after that. There were still certain restrictions, like my hair, but I wore exclusively shorts/pants and huge t-shirts. It was as close as I could come to rebelling. This became something I was known for in my family and I couldn't change my mind about it at that point if I wanted to. I was too proud to admit to myself for a long time that I was suppressing my desires to prove a point.

Now I'm twenty-three and I identify as non-binary. I still have an incredibly difficult time revealing to people that I'm AFAB. It was almost a point of shame for me for a while. It's taken a lot of self-loathing, confusion, and crying to admit to myself my deepest desire to live as both feminine and masculine. I still want short hair and a flat chest, but now I know it doesn't have to be mutually exclusive to my desires to wear feminine clothing sometimes. Now, admitting that to my family is going to be a different ordeal entirely.

[CierraJasmineJ]

Hi! So, I'm not very good at gender things, I'm sorry if I mess things up or say something offensive. Also, whoever told you couldn't act masculine sucks! I know it happens, all the time really, but still that really sucks. I see how people's insistence on you being a certain way has made you feel against being that way. I know it's lame advice, but just do what's comfortable for you. One thing - except for your family and other people who already know, you don't need to tell anybody that you're AFAB. For all the other people care, you were born NB, and that's how it always has been, and you don't owe anyone an explanation. Feel free to tell them if you want to, but only if you yourself do, and don't feel pressured to say or do anything you don't want to. If you want short hair, well, you're twenty-three, and I don't know enough about your situation, but if you feel safe and comfortable doing so, then have short hair! I know I sound like I'm making it sound really easy, I know it's not. Family pressure sucks. However, be who you are, unapologetically, because other people don't get to have a say in who you are. Gender is wishy washy and annoying, and gender roles kind of suck in general. However, play around with your gender for a bit! Try wearing clothes that you want, and try having the hair that you want. There is nothing wrong with living as both feminine and masculine, and you can show your family that. I can't promise they'll take it the way you want, but I can promise that being who you are is not a crime.