Sweet Potato Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 My parents sit comfortably on the Right side of the political spectrum. growing up I was taught that anything but straight was sinful, that LGBTQ+ people had a mental illness, conversion therapy is good, the whole disgusting rhetoric of typical homophobes. Thinking of myself as a good person I labeled myself as straight by default. how could I be anything else? I'm not sure when exactly I started questioning the validity of what I was taught, I do know it was somewhere in my late teens I went from gay=wrong to gay = I don't care just don't flaunt it. (internalized homophobia). at some point, I found the word pansexual and was hella confused, what is the difference between 2 genders and all genders since there are only 2 genders? or so I believed. After a LOT of research, questions, and more research my homophobia and transphobia really crumbled. Transphobia took a bit longer to die, I pretty much went over everything that makes a woman a woman and when I found no differences between cis women and trans women, Logic, science, and facts finally erased the last traces of bigotry from my brain. discovering my own queer identity came towards the end of this rewiring of my thoughts. I look back at how I used to think, and I am quite disgusted with my past self and quite glad I am no longer that person. Did anyone else here overcome childhood bigotry? Link to post Share on other sites
Denoscar Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Yes, I can relate to this as a whole. I thought I was straight most of my life. I was homophobic growing up because of herd mentality. I wanted to be undoubtedly "pure". However, even when I thought I was straight and had internal homophobia, I had suspicious thoughts. I would ask myself "why would I like girls?" to which I would respond, "Why would I like guys?" and either my brain would go silent or it would say "because you're supposed to." but that makes me realize something important. If you love someone, you would love them for them, and not for what other people think of you. For my brain to only go for the "you're supposed to" reasoning instead of just saying that I prefer them means that I didn't really like them in the way I thought I did. I didn't love them for them. I realize now that all the arguments against Homosexuality and Transgender people are faulty. I just wish I knew that sooner. I can also tell you that I've never felt better ever since I've removed the intolerance from my mind. Hate has no place in my soul. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 I was raised to be homophobic. (it was nearly universal back when I grew up). When I went to college people told me that the guy I was talking to was gay. I remember my reaction of being astonished - I had thought of being gay as sort of like having kooties - not an real thing. I remember thinking - he's really gay...... so... he like guys... so.... well so nothing. Somehow at that moment I realized that it didn't make the slightest difference to me that he like guys, not women. (35 years later we are still friends...) That said, I am still disturbed at a visceral level by seeing two men kiss. I would never say anything, and I completely support their right to do so, but some things can't be changed. Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Luckily, I wasn't raised in a particularly conservative or intolerant family, but THEY surely had this kind of struggle, I mean the internalised homophobia. They wouldn't say that it's wrong, but somehow they still think it's OK to refer to homosexuals with slurs, even after I tell them it's insulting. Also, my little brother once said Hitler was right to deport them. 😰 Even as a middle schooler, I was very shocked. But with all this, I used to feel very uncomfortable with homosexuality, and I still am to some degree. The thought of it was just weird. Usually I like what's weird, but as I grew up, I had to make a conscious effort of telling myself that it's OK and that no one should be upset, that it was normal; even more so with transgender people. Well, at least now, I know for a fact that not being straight and cis is just fine, otherwise I wouldn't be on Aven, and that's a good thing since I am neither 😆. But I'm still wrapping my head around some things. For example, thinking about MTF transidentity puzzles me a bit, because my childish brain wonders ''but why on earth would anyone want to have a feminine body?" because of my own dysphoria. I think it's cool somehow, but I have trouble to really understand it. Also, I'm wondering if me being ill at ease with this is just because I'm just naturally not at ease with relationships and, uh, body parts in general, but somehow I felt like I had to make an effort to get used to gay and trans people, because hey, people can't be heterophobic or cisphobic, right? So while I felt free to eww in front of a straight couple kissing, I only dared to uncomfortably look away if it's a gay couple because otherwise it means I'm intolerant and I don't want to be. Strangely enough, I have thus become somewhat more accepting of gay relationships than straight ones (also because straight relationships are like what we're supposed to do, so it's not very interesting) and especially in fiction because then it means something other than attracting the public. But I still prefer if there's no relationship at all. Leaves room for interesting stuff. One exception, there's a fictional queerplatonic/romantic (don't really know the difference) relationship between two guys that I can't help but find kind of very cute. That's all. Whoa, that was yet another long, long rant. Edit: I also learnt a friend in high school was gay and, well, meh. We went straight back to talking about nerdy stuff, pun intended (sorry). Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 Yep, being a bigot is strong in my family - homophobia, transphobia, racism, you name it. I used to 'support' the BNP because my dad did. Thankfully I grew out of that shit. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Potato Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 12 hours ago, uhtred said: That said, I am still disturbed at a visceral level by seeing two men kiss. I would never say anything, and I completely support their right to do so, but some things can't be changed. are you just as disturbed by a straight couple kissing? is this part of being repulsed by PDA's or internalized homophobia? the first is fine, the second can and should be changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Denoscar Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 15 hours ago, uhtred said: That said, I am still disturbed at a visceral level by seeing two men kiss. I would never say anything, and I completely support their right to do so, but some things can't be changed. I used to feel that way when I had internalized homophobia. Now that I don't anymore, it's cute to me. I would think that you certainly can change that, but I also don't know you very well. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 10 hours ago, Sweet Potato said: are you just as disturbed by a straight couple kissing? is this part of being repulsed by PDA's or internalized homophobia? the first is fine, the second can and should be changed. Only disturbed by 2 men kissing. Its a deep reaction that doesn't seem changeable. I can avoid letting anyone know, and I certainly don't act or comment on how I feel. Interestingly its just kissing. I have no problem seeing gay porn - it just doesn't interest me. Link to post Share on other sites
Rhaenys Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 My home country (where poc are the majority population) is neck deep in homophobia. I used to be a homophobe as a kid but that changed when I was 12. My cousin came out to me...and well I loved my cousin more than society. Link to post Share on other sites
i aced it Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 I'm slightly embarrassed to admit it, but I can relate to this a lot. I just accepted what my parents said up until relatively recently. Then I started trying to figure out what I believe, and realized the only reason my parents are homophobic is because of how they interpret a few things in the bible. For the other things my parents taught me are wrong, like murder, stealing, lying, etc., there are very clear ways these things harm other people, and even the people doing them. For being LGBT+, there are not. Once I had sorted this out in my mind, the only logical step was to not be a homophobe anymore. I hate that I ever was in the first place. That's a summarized version of how I changed my mind, and I'm glad I'm not the only one with this experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Karst Posted April 21, 2019 Share Posted April 21, 2019 We all internalize bad ideas from the people around us. What matters is finding the strength to question them. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanv Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I was also raised this way. And to make matters worse, when I was a young boy, I was sexually assaulted and molested a couple times by an older boy. This really fueled my homophobia but I'm starting to move past that now. A rapist can be any orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
Blaiddmelyn Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 I was raised homophobic. I honestly don't recall when I stopped - I think I'd just started to get used to people saying someone was gay and it being no big deal. And then my mate came out to me. He'd been so nervous, I'd been sure he was about to tell me he was dying and I was so relieved when he said he was gay I think I told him off for scaring me ... and around that time, I realised I didn't really believe the stuff my mum had told me anymore. Took me a little while longer to accept I wasn't straight though 😛 Link to post Share on other sites
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