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needygeorgie

Feeling confused about my gender

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needygeorgie

I've have identified as female for most of my life but around the time I realized I was asexual I felt kind of disconnected from that identity. I don't mind being referred to as she or her. I do like to look feminine but not always. I have phases where I want to look more neutral or androgynous. I know I do not feel like a man but I don't fully feel like I identify as a woman either. I don't have very strong feelings of dislike for female body parts their kind of just there? But I really don't like the fact that I have reproductive organs and I've been thinking about getting a hysterectomy later in life. So would that make me demi-girl or non-binary? I don't know. 

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Phoenix the II

Have you read about androgyny? :) 

 

Edit: Sorry, you even mentioned that. 

 

Maybe demi-girl? What do you feel best suits you?

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Coddiwomple

First of all, demigirl falls under the nonbinary umbrella, so you can be both a demigirl and nonbinary. :) Your gender expression can affect your gender, but it doesn't have to. Just because you like presenting femininely sometimes doesn't necessarily make you female-aligned. Similarly, your pronouns don't necessarily indicate your gender. I use he/him pronouns as well as they/them, but my gender isn't male-aligned.

 

The experiment that really helped me to figure out my gender was to stand in front of the mirror and state "I am [gender]. I am [various corresponding gendered words]. My name is [correspondingly gendered name] and my pronouns are [corresponding pronouns]. I have [corresponding anatomy]. When I die, people will remember me as [gender]." I did that substituting  in female, male, and nonbinary, and found that I was only comfortable being seen as nonbinary. I would try that and other experiments and see what makes you most comfortable. The label isn't the most important part, it's figuring out what you want in terms of pronouns, names, transitioning, etc. that's most important.

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needygeorgie
2 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said:

First of all, demigirl falls under the nonbinary umbrella, so you can be both a demigirl and nonbinary. :) Your gender expression can affect your gender, but it doesn't have to. Just because you like presenting femininely sometimes doesn't necessarily make you female-aligned. Similarly, your pronouns don't necessarily indicate your gender. I use he/him pronouns as well as they/them, but my gender isn't male-aligned.

 

The experiment that really helped me to figure out my gender was to stand in front of the mirror and state "I am [gender]. I am [various corresponding gendered words]. My name is [correspondingly gendered name] and my pronouns are [corresponding pronouns]. I have [corresponding anatomy]. When I die, people will remember me as [gender]." I did that substituting  in female, male, and nonbinary, and found that I was only comfortable being seen as nonbinary. I would try that and other experiments and see what makes you most comfortable. The label isn't the most important part, it's figuring out what you want in terms of pronouns, names, transitioning, etc. that's most important.

I will define try that and see how I feel. Thank you. 

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Coddiwomple
1 minute ago, needygeorgie said:

I will define try that and see how I feel. Thank you. 

No problem! Good luck! ❤️

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Jo_Castle

I just wanted to pop in and say I feel the same way! It's a bit confusing, but there's a great community here to back you up!

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needygeorgie
29 minutes ago, Jo_Castle said:

I just wanted to pop in and say I feel the same way! It's a bit confusing, but there's a great community here to back you up!

thank you!

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KrystalLost

THis 100% describes me. although my tits can get a life if you ask me. for me, being refered to as a female is like looking through a screen, it doesn't feel personal.

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Starbogen

In all honesty everything you said in your post are things that I've heard from people who identify as cis women. Of course the possibility of not being cis exists and it's something that only you can figure out for yourself, but generally I would say that if being seen as your assigned gender doesn't make you uncomfortable then try to not worry about it so much.

 

Not every woman likes having reproductive organs, or feels super connected to being a woman, or likes looking feminine all the time. There are plenty of people who prefer looking masculine and have a masculine personality and no stereotypically female interests and yet they don't identify as anything other than female. If gender is a spectrum then not even being binary is necessarily a complete absolute. Someone doesn't need to feel 100% one thing or another to be that. This is just how I see it though, maybe others would disagree.

 

If what feels wrong for you is rooted in being identified as female, then being nonbinary could be an explanation. But if you have no issue with being female, only with certain specific things generally associated with femaleness (such as feminine expression, cultural expections regarding social roles and perception of female body parts and reproductive organs) then in my opinion that's less about potentially being transgender and more about being gender noncomforming.

 

But like I said before only you know how you feel about all this stuff so only you could figure out the answer. You just have to ask yourself the right questions and analyze what exactly it is that makes you feel uncomfortable or disconnected from those aspects of femaleness. Is it just that you're not a very feminine person? Or that you associate those things with sexuality so being asexual made you feel more distant from those things? Or does being considered female in any context just feel wrong? 

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needygeorgie
6 hours ago, Starbogen said:

Or that you associate those things with sexuality so being asexual made you feel more distant from those things

I would say it's definitely this. And also specific things associated with femaleness.

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Starbogen
1 hour ago, needygeorgie said:

I would say it's definitely this. And also specific things associated with femaleness.

But then I guess you could ask yourself if you're really uncomfortable with the concept of gender (as in with being female) or are you just uncomfortable with the concept of sexuality (that's associated with sexual body parts and internal organs)?

If being being refered to as female and having female body parts doesn't bother you, then maybe could it be not so much a matter of your gender but of your sexuality and feeling disconnected from specific aspects of your body (like sexual/reproductive organs)? It's true those things are generally associated with women and femaleness but not all women feel connected to that stuff. I think asexual women especially would be more likely to experience that. Feeling disconnected from those kinds of things could be an indication of being trans but I think it's important to understand the context in which you feel that way, since it could also just be an indication of feeling uncomfortable with a specific aspect of sex or gender and not necessarily with gender itself as a whole.

Sorry for the wordy reply but I hope this helps.

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needygeorgie
9 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

But then I guess you could ask yourself if you're really uncomfortable with the concept of gender (as in with being female) or are you just uncomfortable with the concept of sexuality (that's associated with sexual body parts and internal organs)?

If being being refered to as female and having female body parts doesn't bother you, then maybe could it be not so much a matter of your gender but of your sexuality and feeling disconnected from specific aspects of your body (like sexual/reproductive organs)? It's true those things are generally associated with women and femaleness but not all women feel connected to that stuff. I think asexual women especially would be more likely to experience that. Feeling disconnected from those kinds of things could be an indication of being trans but I think it's important to understand the context in which you feel that way, since it could also just be an indication of feeling uncomfortable with a specific aspect of sex or gender and not necessarily with gender itself as a whole.

Sorry for the wordy reply but I hope this helps.

This actually makes a lot of sense and is in line with what I feel. And to clarify I definitely know I am not trans because if I had to choose between having female body parts/reproductive organs make ones or neither I would choose the latter.

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