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Angel_Devil

Am I demi or gray?

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Angel_Devil

Well, I've been asking myself this question recently. I came out last year as demisexual and demiromantic but now I'm a bit confused. I've never felt sexual atraction to people I don't really know but I sometimes feel kind of a romantic atraction to strangers but an "inocent" one, like just holding hands and hugs but no kiss (its disgusting for me to kiss someone I barely know). That leaves me a bit confused but I could handle. My libido kind of fluctuates, what bothers me a bit, but after reading other asexuals experiences I found out it was ok too. However, now there's something more.

I have this friend and he's nice and sweet, we've met sometime ago. When we first met we talked a lot and we used to flirt to each other. We hand out once as friends and I felt the wanting to kiss him but it wasn't strong enough and didn't want anything else with him. We don't talk a lot, we're not really close friends. He already started dating and broke up. He had something for me to before dating, now I don't really know but the thing is: I feel like I have physical and maybe even sexual atraction for him but not romantic and my mind goes nuts cause when I with him and think of him I turn on but when I think I don't really want to date him cause I feel zero romantic atraction for him it turns me off, almost feel disgusted.

So now I'm wondering if I'm demi or gray, sexually and romantically.

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Star Lion

Really, all demi’s are gray but not all gray’s are demi. Graysexuals/romantics are people who have experienced sexual/romantic attraction rarely and/or only under certain circumstances. This includes grays without sub labels, demis who only have the feelings after developing a deep connection, liths who lose their attraction after it’s expressed back to them, and frays who lose their attraction after developing  a deep connection. What you’re describing might not even be romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is a desire towards a person to date them romantically (as in commitment and physical/emotional intimacy). It’s often confused with sensual attraction which is a desire towards a person to make physical contact with them (not to confuse with sexual contact). That might be what you’re talking about but I advise to just think about your feelings so you can determine your orientation. Just remember that the gray umbrella aren’t orientations but just descriptions of your orientation (ex. graybisexual)

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Queer_Queen

I mean if you speak in technical terms, isn't gray-ace an umbrella term with demi under it???  

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I agree with @Star Lion, and it sounds like you could be Demisexual, if what you're experiencing is Sexual Attraction.

I define Sexual Attraction as leading to the desire to have sex with someone.

Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal.
Likewise, I define Romantic Attraction as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone.

But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction and Romantic Attraction.
There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling.
There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty.
There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone.
And more.
 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's an Angel Devil Cake,

fd5c8a547edf9dffd675fd5e4a291fe7--angel-

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Angel_Devil
Posted (edited)

@Star Lion @MichaelTannock

Oh that was really helpful. These atractions are kind of confusing but now I'm understanding it more. Thanks a lot!!!!!

Edited by Angel_Devil
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