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Dying Alone


Myers

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For the non-relationship folks, like me, who have no children nor partner—do you get melancholy about the possibility of dying alone?

 

It isn’t necessarily something I think a lot about, but I have often thought, “Dying alone is the price I will pay for my current solitude and independence.” If I were to die suddenly, it might be days before anyone knew. If I reach 80 and have to be in a home, I’d have no visitors.

 

Just something that I ponder every once in a while, even as I relish my solitude.

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Galactic Turtle

Despite not planning on having a partner, I assume I will still have many relatives who will be kept up on my health condition. I also plan to have some connection to my community so me suddenly not existing will not go unnoticed. Other than that, dying is a solo journey. 

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Yep, I have had those thoughts. 

 

What also plays on my mind which is very much a related issue are the dangers and the increased risks that come from living alone. What I mean by that is if I have a heart attack, a stroke, or have some kind of accident when I am in my house on my own, the chances of survival or making a full recovery if I do survive are drastically reduced compared to what they would be for someone who lives with other people. 

 

We sometimes hear stories in the news about people who's lives have been saved by their child or their partner, because they acted promptly and called the emergency services when they were needed. It is not a nice thought, but for those of us who live alone, there would be nobody around to administer CPR or call an ambulance in an emergency, and the likely consequences don't bear thinking about. it

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firewallflower

Though I'm still young, and the idea of a partnership appeals to me, it seems—for various reasons—quite unlikely that it will ever actually happen. I certainly relate to these kinds of thoughts. But I think that what frightens/distresses/saddens me more than the idea of dying alone is the idea of living alone.

 

There are plenty of ways to form meaningful interpersonal relationships outside of that particular type of "relationship," however; connection isn't limited to romance. What will be will be, I suppose.

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Rockblossom

I fear being old and less mobile because I'm afraid of being forced into some kind of care facility without someone on the outside looking out for me.  I've seen too many stories of neglect and abuse.  I may be the odd one out, but  I'm not really afraid of dying at home alone.  There is a good possibility of that happening even for people who were married with children.  Usually, one spouse dies and leaves the other alone, and the children work and have their own lives, so can't be with mom/dad 24/7.  So the elder parent is either at home alone or in a nursing facility.  In many ways, I feel lucky, because I've been alone my whole life and know how to take care of myself with no one else around.  

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I’m old enough (mid-50’s) that it could happen.  I worry more about what would happen to my pets and am trying to figure out what I can do to help with that.  I have no family and while I have friends I don’t contact the local ones daily (or even weekly in some cases).

 

Right now I work and my boss and coworkers would definitely investigate if I didn’t show up and they couldn’t reach me... but after that...

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It is possible to get the Life Alert system to call for help if suffering from a heart attack/stoke/fall/etc.  Maybe even able to summon help with the new computer systems that turn on your lights etc.  It is hard to be alone in this tech world.  Hospice Care is another avenue for 6 months out if you know your fate.  Having extended long term health insurance should be a must.  It may also be possible to set up a contract with the local animal shelter for the pet care if something happens to you.

 

But even with good planning things happen.  Where I live neighbors would notice if activity was not happening at my place like mail not being taken in or newspapers not being picked up.  Just live the life you have.  The end is its own schedule and event.

 

On a personal note, I am not planning a funeral.  Since I am alone I don't want the expense or the bother it might have on others "having" to attend.  I have arranged for my body to be donated to science (a medical school).  It will be used to train new doctors.  When they are finished with it, what is left will be cremated and buried in a plot the school has for donors.

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Most people die alone, regardless of their sexual or romantic orientation or their relationship status. Being an average sexual and/or romantic person doesn't change that.

My Grandparents had been married for more than 50 years. Gramps passed in a hospital, alone. Grandma lives alone now and chances are that she'll be alone when the time comes, too.

 

I had a pneumonal embolism a few years back. If I hadn't made it, I'd have died alone - despite having friends and family. My first neighbour in the intensive care unit passed away, too - he actually had family pretty much waiting nearby outside. Dying with a loved one around is a comforting fantasy, but at the end of the day, it's pretty darn unlikely.

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I have long-term care insurance... it’s not so much the dying gradually scenario that worries me - then you have people whose job it is to help sort things out - but the keeling over scenario.

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LonesomeCrow

It's not so much dying alone that concerns me, but rather having no one to visit me if I end up in a care facility. I was in the hospital for an extended time not too long ago, and having my family visit was the one thing I looked forward to every day. 

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No, because like Homer said, most people die alone. Besides, when I'm dead I won't know any different. I think I'll probably die in a nursing home near all the single wodows and widowers. I honestly would rather die alone than with people gawking at my humiliatingly, undigified, old, illness-ravaged body. I've been in hospital before and I was embarassed to have visitors see me like that. Friends wanted to come by to see me and I told them please not to. I want someone's last memories of me to be when I was healthy and happy, not sick and dying.

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On ‎3‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 3:48 PM, Myers said:

For the non-relationship folks, like me, who have no children nor partner—do you get melancholy about the possibility of dying alone?

I'm fairly indifferent about it. 

 

More likely I'll get to the end and ponder whether I'd have lived 'better' with someone else in my life (along with all of the other life choices that I could or could not have made!). But by then it would be too late anyway. 

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Yeah...that thought persists sometimes. Not so much dying alone, but being alone for my entire life. I like being alone, but when my BPD flares up, it opens up the hole in my chest that I try to pretend doesn't exist.

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SithAzathoth WinterDragon

I would not say I'm alone, however to die by myself would not really bother me as I never want another human under my roof in my new place, I love my personal space and don't want someone else in my new apartment messing with my sensitive equipment when I get it. (Seismographs) 

 

I also just this Thursday made it a permanent decision to never have children, I had my tubes removed and I'm in my late 20s, I surely never will date either since I never want to be sexual or be in a relationship with anyone, female or male. I'm fine with friends but I'll never date anyone, so being "alone" is much better. 

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As an old person who is primarily an observer in  life, I've concluded that the decider in whether you die alone is not whether you have a relationship/marriage or not, but whether you have a good-sized family.  My partner is now in hospice so I will not have his company the rest of my life, but if I had a lot of family members, I wouldn't be so alone.  I don't.  

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I don't have a lot of family members, (mother and sister), none of them drive or like to travel, I'm always on the road, if I were to die whilst away from home or something were to happen, they wouldn't want to come out of their comfort zone to even identify my body, I live close to my mother but she's never even attempted to see my home after I refurbished it, it's about a 10 minute walk from her home, family on my fathers side haven't had anything to do with me for over 30 years, that was my fathers choice, he banned them from contact with us, he banned us from contact with them.

 

I have no fear of dying, I'm happy with the thought of dying alone, I've planned and paid for my disposal after I'm gone, as I'm not religious, I don't want a funeral

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On 3/24/2019 at 10:22 AM, Ortac said:

Yep, I have had those thoughts. 

 

What also plays on my mind which is very much a related issue are the dangers and the increased risks that come from living alone. What I mean by that is if I have a heart attack, a stroke, or have some kind of accident when I am in my house on my own, the chances of survival or making a full recovery if I do survive are drastically reduced compared to what they would be for someone who lives with other people. 

 

We sometimes hear stories in the news about people who's lives have been saved by their child or their partner, because they acted promptly and called the emergency services when they were needed. It is not a nice thought, but for those of us who live alone, there would be nobody around to administer CPR or call an ambulance in an emergency, and the likely consequences don't bear thinking about. it

This is the main reason that single people have a lower life expectancy that those who are coupled up.  But even if you have a partner, one of them will certainly die first, so there are no assurances in life...or death.

 

It doesn't bother me one bit knowing that I will die alone.

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It wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t have pets... but I do, and one is still quite young.  :(

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Birth = separation from the mother. Death = separation from the living. Both are equally lonesome if you ask me. Is there even such a thing as dying together? Maybe if you die in an accident (plane or car or whatever).

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Neutral Charge

we all die alone anyway, death is a personal experience, having someone near you wont change how you die or how you will feel when you die, it will just change your life until that point and from the stories i have heard from older humans both married and single, its always harder when you die in a family, not for yourself as you are dead,  but for those left behind.

i dont really understand why people put so much emphasis in " i dont wanna die alone" it should be something among the lines i" i do not want to live alone" cause again, dying is irelevant on your life it wont affect you further and you wont feel anything about it and will not get a chance for impressions.

so the question is, do you not want to live alone? or do you not want to risk dying sooner cause you are alone? 

My opinion :D 

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On 3/24/2019 at 3:57 PM, ryn2 said:

I’m old enough (mid-50’s) that it could happen.  I worry more about what would happen to my pets and am trying to figure out what I can do to help with that.  I have no family and while I have friends I don’t contact the local ones daily (or even weekly in some cases).

 

Oh how I fear that! I’ve thought that when I get older I might not have pets. But pets are a big reason I can enjoy my solitude the way I do. I also have few friends and no nearby relatives. So who would take them? Wrenching.

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4 minutes ago, Myers said:

Oh how I fear that! I’ve thought that when I get older I might not have pets. But pets are a big reason I can enjoy my solitude the way I do. I also have few friends and no nearby relatives. So who would take them? Wrenching.

Exactly.  My original plan was to not get any more pets as I approached a certain age, but I got suckered into taking one more who lost his people and he’s eight years younger than the other two.  I figured it would be okay because my partner was much younger than me and of longer-lived stock... but now he’s my ex and I’m agonizing over how to find (someone who can find) a good home for them.

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MiraMeyneth

I'm still quite young (barely turned 19 last week) but at this point i've just kinda accepted it. When/If I do die alone,be it by my own hand or not of my own will, I just want my pets to be ok and taken care of.

 

Kinda surprising that i've already accepted that death is inevitable, but it's just a painful fact of life. It'll happen to me, you, my family, your family...etc etc. Not really expecting some sort of queerplatonic relationship to help or manifest, but that's probably my pessimistic outlook talking. Oh well.

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2 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

I dont care much about, dying; in fact the quicker it comes for me, the better. 

 

Ive gotten where Im now without having many friends and that whole thing about family always being there for you is just a bunch of bs. Family, like any other social group, behaves according to their interests; and will pick up and leave the moment you are no longer of enough interest to them. 

 

 

No offense but you sound like you have a lot of bitterness? I struggle with bitterness as well. You wanting to die ASAP is suicidal ideation isn't it? I have the same feelings a lot.

I know what you're going through to some degree and I wish I could help. All I know how to do is pray so i will pray for you. When I feel like how you're feeling I try to remember that I have hope in Jesus. Not trying to preach to you or annoy you just saying what helps me.

Have you ever considered religion or something?

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Anthracite_Impreza

I'm only bothered about my cars, that's my biggest worry. I can't bear the thought of what will happen to them without me, but I don't want them to die either...

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Custard Cream

 Being alone sucks, but I don't think having a partner or children guarantees you won't die alone. If you outlive your partner and your children are not living locally it is a realistic possibility. I'm a 4 - 5 hour drive from my father. He's in his 80s. If I didn't know my brother visits fairly frequently, I'd worry.

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Yes, this is a thought I have from time to time. I've basically settled for living the rest of my life single and childless. My family is small. I'm basically an only child (my sister is 21 years younger than I) & friends are harder to make as you get older. All of my friends are either married, engaged or partnered and either do or will have children of their own someday so I don't count on our bonds to be as strong as they once were when we were in our teens and 20s (i'm 33 now). 

 

Like another poster said, it's not the idea of dying alone that bothers me. It's the fear of rotting alone, being left to deteriorate in my own home or in a nursing facility. Nursing facilities don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to treating their elderly patients kindly. It's a higher chance you'll be abused and neglected if you have no family or visitors to check on you. 

 

As of now, I live 1,000 miles (1,609 km) away from my friends and family. I am planning to move in with my aunt by the end of this year. Her parents & brother (my grandparents & uncle) only live 10 min away from her. My aunt is also single and childless so at least we won't be feeling so lonely. This fear of withering away alone is exacerbated by the fact that I am so far away from my family. My thought process is, if I'm going to be single & childless, may as well be closer to my family and friends.  

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