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anamikanon

Advice needed on intimacy

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anamikanon

Had a long talk with my ace yesterday. He's feeling rejected and unloved since I stopped being sexually attracted to him. The few times he tried to pleasure me sexually, I was... indifferent mostly. Didn't refuse, enjoyed well enough, but wasn't particularly enthusiastic about it, nor seemed interested till I got aroused by the... action. Even then, wasn't particularly bothered about climaxing...

 

My problem is after trying to make sex work, I've just lost interest in expecting it. If it happens, okay, if it doesn't, okay. I don't expect, anticipate, etc. As a result, a lot of my behaviour with him has changed. The flirting and stuff has evaporated. Physical intimacy other than hugs and cuddles and kisses is gone - strictly platonic. No spontaneous gropes, no winks, that sort of a thing. I do trust him in my intimate zone. Having sex with him doesn't feel creepy or anything. Just .... pointless to expect.

 

On his part, my behavior is increasingly coming across as disinterest and disconnect with him. My behavior that he misses is what I'd do to arouse a sexual partner, tease, promise, tempt and so on. I have no freaking idea how to do it with someone I'm not having sex with. Or, for that matter why. Why would I grope someone in passing if it weren't to give a playful sexual zing? Or whisper seductively in someone's ear when I wasn't intending to seduce them at all?

 

We still hug and kiss and cuddle to sleep every night, etc. Stuff I'd do with someone I'm NOT sleeping with (sexually). He feels like I've clubbed him with the rest of the world (which I mostly ignore - asocial). I can see how he may feel like that, because he was seriously singled out for different behavior while I was sexually interested in him - I am way more remote with EVERYONE else. It is just me. I don't chit chat, randomly spend time with people, or even interact beyond the necessary. I actually still do with him - I still spend way more time with him than anyone else - my son included! We literally live together, but he doesn't see it the same way.

 

I don't want him to feel unloved, but I am at a bit of a loss what to do about this. Acting sexual without intending sex feels inherently creepy/sleazy. Doesn't come naturally. I tried a bit today, he enjoyed it, so felt less creepy, but I had no idea why I was doing it. What I meant by it. Was just a "act like I'm flirting" thing. Pointless on my end. Not to mention it feels really jarring to act sexual with someone I don't want to pressure sexually. Wouldn't sexual actions, teasing come across as pressure for sex?

 

Insight from aces would really be appreciated. What is it that he may be seeking? What could I do to make him feel more loved without "acting" sexual or worse, arousing myself to no end to act like that.

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anamikanon
13 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

Wouldn't sexual actions, teasing come across as pressure for sex?

In the past, when he'd just come out as ace and I was still in the "trying to put the genie back in the bottle" phase, I'd act quite seductive (frankly, normal) with him. Took a while for my behavior to change, even as intellectually I understood he wasn't interested. In those days, he used to feel really pressured about sex, no matter how much I told him I can take no, and always have. He used to guilt himself every time sex seemed implied.

 

Now it is the opposite. He's feeling bad because sex is no longer implied.

 

There just seems no winning this.

 

I STILL don't mind having sex with him, but the behavior he's expecting, where I act casually sexually interested through the day doesn't come with once-in-a-blue moon hit-and-run sex. It comes from a shared sex life, which we simply don't have. For me to act like that with him, we'd have to be having sex on some kind of a regular basis for my mind to register it as an aspect of our relationship to tease and play with during non-sex times...

 

Not even sure of that is making sense.

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anamikanon

BUT I feel troubled and sad that my behavior is causing him to feel unloved. It couldn't be further from my intentions. I do love him.

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KrysLost

im so confused, who's ace and who's not?

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Skullery Maid
4 hours ago, anamikanon said:

BUT I feel troubled and sad that my behavior is causing him to feel unloved. It couldn't be further from my intentions. I do love him.

Hmmm I think he needs to be more understanding and you need to tap into different motivations for more intimate behavior, if that makes sense. 

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anamikanon
2 hours ago, KrystalLost said:

im so confused, who's ace and who's not?

He's ace, but I've lost interest in sex with him now and that bothers him, because a lot of the attracted behavior that he definitely liked has gone with the attraction. He's sex indifferent, so tries to initiate sex hoping we can get back in that space, but so far it isn't working. I don't mind sex with him, but I don't really seek it anymore. 

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ryn2

If he’s still allowed into your intimate spaces and you’re still spending time with him you don’t spend with your friendzoned people... maybe he just (needs to understand that he) should reframe his own viewpoint a little?  It sounds like he thinks the only thing that differentiates people you’re intimately involved with from the rest of the world is sexual behavior - perhaps because he’s observed that, perhaps because you’ve said it in the past - and has not (yet?) adjusted to how that’s not (or is no longer?) true.

 

Maybe the two of you could brainstorm a simple little ritual you save for one another?  A past partner and I did a quick hand squeeze/tap that was invisible to others and had a secret meaning to us, e.g.  It could be pretty much anything.

 

I don’t think forcing yourself to be fake-sexy is any better than forcing him to be fake-sexy.  Even though you are not ace it’s just as unnatural.

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uhtred

I'm sorry you are in this situation. It has some familiarity to me.  My wife is near asexual, but has always enjoyed sexual attraction. As far as I can tell she likes the reassurance that I am attracted to her and love her - she just doesn't want sex. 

 

Its difficult because showing physical attraction while not going crazy for lack of sex is hard.

 

I think part of the problem is that some asexuals don't really understand sexual frustration.  They seem to feel that if sex is good, then things leading up to sex are good.  There is no sense that various foreplay activities are fun IF they lead to sex, but just massively frustrating if they don't. 

 

So, maybe you can find some other type of thing you can do to show him love, but which is completely not sexual? (I say this, but have failed to find this myself)

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ryn2
29 minutes ago, uhtred said:

They seem to feel that if sex is good, then things leading up to sex are good.  There is no sense that various foreplay activities are fun IF they lead to sex, but just massively frustrating if they don't. 

This is also something important to discuss with your partner, to make sure they understand how you feel (and, if your feelings vary such that sometimes these activities are fine and other times they’re just not, how you will convey your current state of mind).

 

Different people have different preferences (and sometimes an individual's preferences change over time), so an ace partner who initiates foreplay activities may mistakenly think “my past partner liked this so my present one will too” (or “my partner likes this” when it was once true but no longer is... or is sometimes true but not true right now).

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Serran

He may be searching for the thing you two have that sets you apart from others. So, replace the sexual behavior with another "just us" thing. He needs to feel special. 

 

And from what you have said being physically intimate is a need for him so likely hes gonna feel a bit rejected unless the new "us behavior" is something physical closeness. 

 

But it is also just a part of mixed ships, as I said in uhtreds thread. A lot of the flirting and touching is fun and intimate to people even if they dont want sex. So they cant have that from a sexual partner and the sexual partner cant have sexual interest from them. No one gets needs met if the two things cant be worked out and then everyone is left at least a little disappointed. 

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anisotrophic

It seems like he might be worried that this is unusual... in a way that does not bode well for the future.

 

I think the most one could say is that it's an unexplored territory for you... you can't really know what it's going to mean, long term. That uncertainty might be scary, he would find it more reassuring if you were to have a familiar pattern. Maybe he worries about trajectory, simply because it's a new one.

 

My partner is reassured that we're being more "normal" when I return to sexual attraction. I don't think I lost my desire, but it faltered with a fluctuating sense of repulsion. My sexuality was upsetting, vulnerable, embarrassing. (We tend to be fans of the gas/brakes model.) But the discomfort has receded for me, for now. It sounds like you're in a different place; you aren't caught between two forces like that, your gas is simply gone.

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anamikanon

So, my ace and I had another one of our long honest talks and...

On 3/25/2019 at 8:35 PM, uhtred said:

she likes the reassurance that I am attracted to her and love her

This is a very big deal. He knows me very, very well and is justifiably concerned that me "tuning him out" will lead to me being less and less interested and moving on. I admit that I'm not very good at keeping track of people apart from those I am actively involved with.

 

That said, the "tuning out" was mostly on a sexual front, and on my end I am nowhere close to moving on from him. Our talk did help him see that. And also that we've gone through various ways of coping with things and nothing that distresses either of us has remained a status quo. If he is feeling like I am moving on from him, the behavior leading him to think that will change AS LONG AS HE LETS ME KNOW instead of bottling it up expecting me to read his mind. We are learning and growing. This isn't a final destination.

 

On 3/26/2019 at 4:11 PM, Serran said:

He may be searching for the thing you two have that sets you apart from others. So, replace the sexual behavior with another "just us" thing. He needs to feel special. 

 

And from what you have said being physically intimate is a need for him so likely hes gonna feel a bit rejected unless the new "us behavior" is something physical closeness. 

This is something we need to work on. Both of us are fairly "minimalist" in that sense with simple habits and very few rituals or activities that are unnecessary. So what we settle on will have to be somewhat functional to not feel contrived. I have some ideas... work in progress.

 

He has also suggested that we try to have a real, if low frequency sex life - he says my behavior with him is way more involved like that and he genuinely doesn't mind and giving me sexual pleasure genuinely pleases him. Also he keeps thinking that the distance is because of his asexuality, so if we could have sex, it would be reassuring for him. He means this in the sense of me being more interested and eager for the sex, etc as opposed to being comfortable with him, but not particularly wanting or not wanting it.

 

I am not sure he gets that it doesn't quite work that way for me. I tried to explain saying that eagerness or looking forward to something comes with a reasonable expectation that that thing is going to happen. If we had sex regularly, there's only so long I'd remain disinterested knowing it was likely going to happen again soon. But if it can happen any time in the next three months, there is no reason for me to get all excited over it today, and then when he initiates, I am caught offguard with other things on my mind... and it takes a while to get in the frame of mind.He did try to understand, but his questions made me think that he perhaps doesn't get that it isn't so much an on-off switch as a long fuse...

 

I have no idea how this is going to go.

 

10 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

It seems like he might be worried that this is unusual... in a way that does not bode well for the future.

 

I think the most one could say is that it's an unexplored territory for you... you can't really know what it's going to mean, long term. That uncertainty might be scary, he would find it more reassuring if you were to have a familiar pattern. Maybe he worries about trajectory, simply because it's a new one.

 

My partner is reassured that we're being more "normal" when I return to sexual attraction. I don't think I lost my desire, but it faltered with a fluctuating sense of repulsion. My sexuality was upsetting, vulnerable, embarrassing. (We tend to be fans of the gas/brakes model.) But the discomfort has receded for me, for now. It sounds like you're in a different place; you aren't caught between two forces like that, your gas is simply gone.

I think he sees it as me not being happy in the relationship right now, more than future. Just absently okay and dealing with something unpleasant I can't change.

 

================================

Another interesting thing that came up when we were discussing our situation was that it isn't just sex, but a lot of different kinds of affection where he experiences the pleasure more through giving someone pleasure. For example, he likes cuddling me because I like it. But me touching him even affectionately doesn't do much. He may enjoy it or not or be indifferent. If actively made aware, he's likely to enjoy. Other, more indirect activities work when I do them. Giving him treats (food related mostly), doing activities together, our ritual daily evening walk, the film ritual (where I try to find interesting films he hasn't seen and do a snacks/popcorn thing to go with them) - all register as expressions of love, but aren't enough, because I am not a foodie or film buff or that it is just a practical routine to go on the evening walk, get shopping done, etc.

 

 

This complicates things, since he wants physical expression of affection, but a lot of them don't register unless he's the one doing it. He wants sexual/flirty behavior, but can also feel sexually pressured by it or may not register at all or I may not be able to do it spontaneously... He's asexual, but definitely wants sex, because he wants to give me sexual pleasure - BUT - wanting sex is nowhere close to what I'd consider a sexual frequency... 

 

We talked a lot and got a lot of clarity about what works, what doesn't, what are the concerns and so on... but little clarity at this point in terms of what to do. But then we have time. Experimenting with a few spontaneous ideas. Let us see.

 

But talking is a good start, I guess... and the talk did help him feel very important in my life.

 

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ryn2
1 hour ago, anamikanon said:

all register as expressions of love, but aren't enough, because I am not a foodie or film buff or that it is just a practical routine to go on the evening walk, get shopping done, etc.

It sounds like he feels much the same way about meaningful-only-to-him expressions of love from you as you feel about sexual expressions of love from him... and for the same reason.  You’re both trying to do nice things for each other, and you both appreciate the gesture, but the connecting isn’t happening like you (both) wish it would.

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greynonomous

So we have gone through a bit of this lately ourselves. I definitely register the health of our relationship based on physical intimacy (flirting, hugging, cuddling etc) but am sex indifferent.

 

I do like to show my partner I love them and I've told them I didn't expect our sex lives to change, and originally coming out has been a bit complicated but it helped explain away some of our issues.

 

I did notice that they became very indifferent and 'colder' in the sense of not being physically affectionate and this did make me very afraid that it would lead to us becoming just platonic and then driffting away.

 

What's helped us is to be very open about how we express love and affection, talking and even having a sort of schedule for sex. It takes a lot of anxiety away for me in having to plan or prep for something that may or my not happen, and reassures my partner that it WILL happen in a consistent if maybe not so often fashion.

 

I actually have been the oneto get antsy when my partner blows off the schedule more than once in a row. Having other couple specific rituals and hearing how they matter to them also helped me. It also reframed how I could communicate with them. Ironically enough they notice it more if I clean the house or get them chocolates than if I give them a spontaneous neck rub or outing for example. So now I know that while I can give them a neck rub when I notice they are stressed out, I should also keep in mind how they perceive acts of affection and maybe surprise them with a small present that shows I was thinking of them during the day.

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anamikanon

Thank you @greynonomousthis was very insightful.

 

I think I had dismissed the meaning sex holds for him since he's indifferent to it. But he isn't indifferent to ME and me disengaging from sex did impact him. Regardless of whether he enjoys it, he wanted to do it for me, and somewhere, me taking that option off the table has perhaps come across as rejection. I suppose the challenge now is to figure out how to meet both our needs. As usual. :D

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MrDane

It sounds like you,  @anamikanon are in the process of friendzoning him. Why? Probably to protect yourself. I fear this. To friendzone a lover, makes room for another friend to eventually step in and take that position. When? When you need to feel warm and fuzzy and wanted again someday. 

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MrDane

...I have toned down my affection a lot or at least my kisses/smacking ass/hugs/gifts... since I constantly get reminded by myself, that I have an underlying sexual agenda, and that used to be a positive sideaffect of my love. 

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anamikanon
54 minutes ago, MrDane said:

It sounds like you,  @anamikanon are in the process of friendzoning him. Why? Probably to protect yourself. I fear this. To friendzone a lover, makes room for another friend to eventually step in and take that position. When? When you need to feel warm and fuzzy and wanted again someday. 

I am honestly not able to answer this. I do love him, and I have lost sexual interest in him, but to my mind, it is more like "no point expecting" rather than being averse to sex with him. I am still comfortable with him sexually, just no longer that excited about the whole thing. I can't imagine being "okay" with sex with a friend.

 

Not to mention that I don't need to friendzone him to make room for another friend to become a lover - if that was what you meant. I'm polyamorous. I can have another lover if I want. Or several. That said, a lover takes up a lot of mental bandwidth, and one of the reasons I'm not getting involved with anyone is "too much going on, no time" etc. So it is possible that unconsciously, I'm making emotional space for another person...?

 

I absolutely can't deny feeling sexually wanted again is a big wish.

 

This is hard to say. The unconscious mind is rarely logical, but I really don't see availability of emotional bandwidth for another lover resulting in an actual another lover any time soon. A lot of my limitations are not emotional, so much as circumstantial. In fact, my ace being in my life will actually make it easier to date another person, because he can be there and care for my dependents (aging mother and disabled son) if I need to go and be with my lover. If I were single, it would be way harder. I'd be able to be with him for a limited time, and always be worried about getting home on time.

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SCPDX
On 3/29/2019 at 9:23 AM, MrDane said:

It sounds like you,  @anamikanon are in the process of friendzoning him. Why? Probably to protect yourself. I fear this. To friendzone a lover, makes room for another friend to eventually step in and take that position. When? When you need to feel warm and fuzzy and wanted again someday. 

My wife and I have moved there rapidly. She now has moved to the guest bedroom (again with the excuses...first she had a cough and now the CPAP that she has credited with saving our marriage is ‘too noisy’). We’re moving in a few weeks and losing a bedroom so I’m interested to see how she’ll handle that. One hint: she’s *very* interested in buying a small travel trailer. 

 

As has been my custom, when she makes a change like this, I see how much further she wants to take it. It’s the only way I can get an honest answer out of her. So I’ve added in avoiding the situation where either of us is naked in the other’s presence. It’s pretty blatant what I’m doing. Suffice it to say, she’s VERY comfortable with this. 

 

So my marriage has reached full equivalence to living with my sister. 

 

I am working out how to find someone to step in...it’s not going well. But that’s it’s own post. 

 

 

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uhtred
21 hours ago, SCPDX said:

My wife and I have moved there rapidly. She now has moved to the guest bedroom (again with the excuses...first she had a cough and now the CPAP that she has credited with saving our marriage is ‘too noisy’). We’re moving in a few weeks and losing a bedroom so I’m interested to see how she’ll handle that. One hint: she’s *very* interested in buying a small travel trailer. 

 

As has been my custom, when she makes a change like this, I see how much further she wants to take it. It’s the only way I can get an honest answer out of her. So I’ve added in avoiding the situation where either of us is naked in the other’s presence. It’s pretty blatant what I’m doing. Suffice it to say, she’s VERY comfortable with this. 

 

So my marriage has reached full equivalence to living with my sister. 

 

I am working out how to find someone to step in...it’s not going well. But that’s it’s own post. 

 

 

Its is miserable position to be in ,but all you can do is choose among the options available to you, while assuming that she won't change.

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SCPDX

Update: in the new house, she’s planning on being roommates with our nine year old. I found that out when my nine year old was telling me why she needed a loft bed. “I’m going to get a loft and mom will sleep in my bed!” My “wife” confirmed that this was discussed. 

 

To my suprise, I’m not all that angry or emotional about this. At least the brother-sister thing is something I can relate to. 

 

Might be time to quit wearing my wedding ring...

 

 

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ryn2

Is communication on other subjects normal or has she withdrawn in general?

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anamikanon
6 hours ago, SCPDX said:

Update: in the new house, she’s planning on being roommates with our nine year old. I found that out when my nine year old was telling me why she needed a loft bed. “I’m going to get a loft and mom will sleep in my bed!” My “wife” confirmed that this was discussed. 

Wow. That sounds like a breakdown of communication between the two of you as well, if your 9yo daughter knows more about your sleeping arrangements with spouse than you.

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anamikanon

We are in a somewhat less.... volatile situation. But ...

 

Also my sexual disinterest in my ace seems conditional to ignoring him altogether. I still don't seem to have an asexual affection gear for him and end up getting aroused and frustrated or plain irritated. If we spend extensive time together or are physically affectionate, I get these horrendous bouts of anger at his disinterest or depression over his indifference.

 

Increasingly I have been questioning why I show an interest in expressing love in the way he likes it if he can't do the same. Well, the answer is obvious, I love him, but.... the mind's counterargument is also immediate "so he doesn't?". In all honesty, I can say that I am way more averse to his style of love than he is to sex. I am finding myself irritated with this middle ground kind of thing. I can handle a sexual relationship proper, or I can friendzone him.

 

Frankly, it isn't as constant as my post makes it sound, but it is very irritating to not simply mindlessly set him aside for most of the day and be affectionate on and off all through and ALSO not be desired when it happens. My mind does not know how to eagerly race headlong toward a clearly marked deadend and then stand spot jogging at the barrier. Or why. Both of us working from home makes this a 24/7 thing as opposed to people who are out for jobs for most of the day - or at least one of them.

 

Maybe I'll figure it out eventually, but these last few days have seen me push my way out of a hug for the first time ever. I have never flat out rejected his touch before.

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ryn2
11 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

Increasingly I have been questioning why I show an interest in expressing love in the way he likes it if he can't do the same.

Is there a third way the two of you might not otherwise use, but can agree to use for one another in place of *both* your preferred approaches?  Or is that too contrived?

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anamikanon

Will have to find out. Work in progress.

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anisotrophic

I feel like I am sometimes drawing on the same physical affection I have with our young children? Who are also physically affectionate (to the point of challenging our bed capacity sometimes...)

I don't know if it helps. I know you're also a parent, but I think others might feel like, "no way, these are apples and oranges!"

I'm pretty sure I've been engaging in nonsexual physical affection a lot more, to reassure myself and feel loved -- specifically, when I'm feeling sad about the absence of sexual attraction (which didn't disappear, but is rarer and rarer over time).

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greynonomous
On 3/28/2019 at 3:41 PM, anamikanon said:

Thank you @greynonomousthis was very insightful.

 

I think I had dismissed the meaning sex holds for him since he's indifferent to it. But he isn't indifferent to ME and me disengaging from sex did impact him. Regardless of whether he enjoys it, he wanted to do it for me, and somewhere, me taking that option off the table has perhaps come across as rejection. I suppose the challenge now is to figure out how to meet both our needs. As usual. :D

So there are some similarities to what you are feeling now and what aces feel which is a disconnect between the amorous and the sexual.

 

I can only share what our therapist shared with us a while back, which is that a lot of couples go through this without one of them being ace. The issue is that folks want spontaneity and 'real' all the time, but a lot of times it is work, to kickstart it. You may not feel it, but you know what he is looking for, and maybe you can tell yourself to act it out for the first 30 minutes, a lot of the time this goes from just playing along to actually getting you back into the mood.

 

I do this all the time. I know what my person likes, and I know I want us to have a good relationship, so sometimes I force myself to from and be happy even though I don't feel like it, and in 15 minutes or so a lot of times I forget that I was tired/cranky/etc, and it really helps keep the relationship healthy.

 

Also, it sounds like he may not understand how YOU perceive affection in general, with and beyond sex. I would have an honest conversation after you think about it, on how YOU express and receive love, and ask him for specific actions for now until he can internalize those as habits. Sex is a big issue, but a lot of times it was hiding other stuff.

 

Now is the time to deal with those. That plus forcing yourselves into having s heduled romantic times (date night, movie night, etc) are really simple to do but you will be surprised how they help you guys rebuild around them. Saying something as simple as you want a date night weekly, one with guarantee getting lucky if you want it, and the next guarantee of no sex where it is JUST date night, it can help cause then you have the rules set before hand. The stress of not knowing the rules of engagement doesn't help cause then you are in adrenaline mode (fight/stress), not oxytocin mode (closeness/affection).

 

18 hours ago, anamikanon said:

Maybe I'll figure it out eventually, but these last few days have seen me push my way out of a hug for the first time ever. I have never flat out rejected his touch before.

 

I'm very sorry to hear this. I've had that happen to me (both sides) and it was devastating. It sounds to me that there is unresolved resentment here.

 

Just remember that all relationships even with another allosexual, you are not always going to go all the way, and you should be able to enjoy what you DO get without focusing on a hypothetical that you aren't getting. This is something that is drilled into guys' heads all the time.

 

Also, I thought he was open to sex though? If he is affectionate and likes receiving affection back, and is open to sex (perhaps during previously agreed on Windows of time) then I have a bit of trouble seeing the issue without clarification. Is it that he's a dead fish, or you have to initiate all the time or what? What is the frustration here? Yes he may be acting, but flip this to the fact that a lot of people act during sex. Get into the performance, don't focus so much on second guessing what's real or not. If he's a bad actor, let him know what didn't work so he can get better.

 

Him being ace means that he's in that bed for YOUR pleasure, so you can be honest about what is and is not working, and not lie about it like some women do. 

 

Find other ways to reframe your thoughts that take the resentment down, it really helps. You might want to even have a not taking app on your phone, and write down when you feel abnoyed what you think is the cause 'he doesn't even feel sexually attracted to me!' and try to see how you can reframe it in a non negative or non confrontational manner "he loves me, and wants to be with ME, my personality and everything, even if he can't feel everything like I can.".

 

My partner said it helps them to think of it like me being colour blind. I see most colours but I just don't have that one that they have in addition.

 

PS - I'm assuming from what I've read he is sex indifferent not sex averse.

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anisotrophic
5 hours ago, greynonomous said:

Him being ace means that he's in that bed for YOUR pleasure, so you can be honest about what is and is not working, and not lie about it like some women do.

It's very true that, when in a better mood, this is the upshot about a sex indifferent asexual partner! 💕 The optimism of this angle is great 😄

 

It took be a bit to wrap my head around it, but a couple months into realizing my partner's asexuality, I realized "oooh, I can just ask for what I want, since that's almost by definition what he's trying to do for me here" (I'd always hesitated before, wanting him to want it himself too.)

 

Truthfully it feels like I channel a more aggressive sexuality to make those asks, though. (Which entangles with my gender confusion...)

 

@greynonomous thank you for posts like this, which remind me of all the reasons my partner is pretty awesome. On a no-sex date night I felt really happy reflecting on knowing he loves me... for every other reason! There are times that this feels profound and lucky to have 🍀

 

We also like the colorblind analogy...

 

I hope some of it is helpful for @anamikanon too 🤞

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greynonomous

No problem @anisotrophic! It's always great to read how it's going for you and the partner. I actually learned a bit from previous posts I've seen from you, and helped me in remembering what my partner may be going through as well.

 

Hope @anamikanon finds some value here too :)

 

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