AceofTrades Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Hello all, I'm so happy to have found these forums! I'd heard the term Ace in passing occasionally but never associated it with how I felt seriously until a few days ago. I'm 36, married to my husband and have 2 children. When I was younger, I enjoyed the feeling of climaxing but have always been wary of sex, it was more a "take care of the need and move on" type thing. I didn't really feel much for guys so I thought maybe I preferred women but I still didn't feel much. I enjoy the company of my husband but I only have sex because he enjoys it and I'm not completely adverse to it. Because i enjoy the sensation of climaxing I thought maybe I just was broken or something was wrong with me and maybe it would get fixed eventually. I've tried hormones, doing romantic things, porn with the husband but I literally feel nothing and fake it when I have to do it because he has needs too. I love my husband and I love my 2 kids and always wanted to be a mom but...if I never had to have sex again I'd be thrilled. Silly question but...is this ok? Am I just broken or confused or do others feel this way? Do any Aces have relationships similar to mine and are happy? No one knows what I've been thinking and in a way I think it would be easier coming out as homosexual with how ingrained sex is in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 nope this is normal for ace peeps. welcome to Aven. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 15 hours ago, AceofTrades said: is this ok? Absolutely! 15 hours ago, AceofTrades said: Am I just broken or confused or do others feel this way? It’s a very normal, common way for asexual people in “mixed” relationships (relationships with sexual people) to feel. 15 hours ago, AceofTrades said: Do any Aces have relationships similar to mine and are happy? While it certainly adds a big challenge, one that can be insurmountable, there are definitely people - some of them posting on these forums - who have found ways to make it work. 15 hours ago, AceofTrades said: No one knows what I've been thinking and in a way I think it would be easier coming out as homosexual with how ingrained sex is in life. Agreed! Asexuality is getting more visibility among young adults these days but it’s still far from well-known in general. Plenty of people posting here have only discovered it mid-relationship. Welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 It does sound like very normal things for an asexual to feel in a mixed relationship! You're not broken, and asexuality is so unknown, you didn't know it was a possibility, you shouldn't feel broken or guilty -- my partner is about your age and it was the same. It can be really hard to come out to a partner, and very upsetting to them. (If it isn't, I'd be worried they don't take it seriously.) At the same time, the alternative (hiding it) is usually worse -- a sexual partner probably senses something is "off" and is feeling inadequate and rejected and may have low self esteem as a result. A tricky thing is for a sexual to feel loved and fulfilled without needing to feel sexually desired by their partner. There a lot of different approaches mixed couples take, but the most important thing is really good communication, with honesty and empathy for each other's (a)sexuality. I'm a lot happier now that I know. But also, it was devastating when we learned about asexuality (after well over a decade together & children) and I had to face that he'd never desired me and never would -- not in a sexual way. I think it took around six months to feel "better than I felt before knowing". But I do, I'm glad we know, and I learned that I was very much wanted and loved in other ways. I hope hearing about my experience helps! You should probably talk to your partner about it soon, it's going to be upsetting and hard, but it's usually better to face it and work through it together. It's also fine to take a bit of time to prepare yourself for the reactions he might have and how you might respond. You're welcome to post in the sexuals partners/friends/allies section to see if sexual partners have advice. Link to post Share on other sites
AceofTrades Posted March 23, 2019 Author Share Posted March 23, 2019 3 hours ago, anisotrophic said: You're welcome to post in the sexuals partners/friends/allies section to see if sexual partners have advice. Great advice, I think I will, thank you for your replies! Link to post Share on other sites
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