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Asexual spouse and non-asexual me


addicthubby

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45 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

You know what they say about courage?  You would think it's about one's ability to stand their ground, but it's really more about knowing when to run away.

 

There is nothing shameful about splitting up.  What really would be a shame is convincing yourself you must stay in a relationship you're unhappy in, because it would "look bad" or some other BS if you didn't.

I dont know where OP lives, but im divorced personally and quite literally no one cares. I think the shame a lot of times comes from internalized issues. 

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Philip027
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Hell, I felt that for a long time on AVEN. It's weird being a prominent member who marries another (formerly) prominent member and everyone puts you on this pedestal of like... successful asexual couple

It's okay, I've taken up those reins now d(`-`d)

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Philip027

I don't really care for "public attention" one way or the other, but I do like being able to potentially serve as a positive sort of relationship example for others.  (I don't think I'm getting THAT much attention out of it anyway, though)

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  • 1 month later...

@addicthubby in many ways I’m the equivalent of your wife in my situation & I know it’s tough for BOTH people.

we don’t have kids but for other reasons divorce just feels too daunting. My husband basically switched his alcohol addiction (which DID lead to arrests & job losses) to a porn addiction, which I tolerate since I need him to do whatever helps him stay sober right now.

i used to be VERY against porn- morally, ethically, and it just grossed me out. I had repulsion & disdain for anyone too into porn, strip clubs, or even too much mastrubation.

 For me, identifying as asexual is rooted in a number of intertwined factors: my history, meds, hormones, and just who I am & what my preferences are.  The reason I identify as asexual is because I don’t feel compelled to fix anything… Any thought of changing is strictly for the benefit of my husband because honestly I feel fine in my sweatpants with my glass of wine watching TV. But as with you and your wife, we have to meet in the middle if we want to save our marriage.

The fact is there is a vast spectrum of sexual preferences and behaviors-  it’s fair to say most men masturbate and it’s not considered reprehensible, and pornography is one of the biggest most profitable industries in the world… Obviously plenty of people are into it.

To stay with my husband I had to face facts and suck it up and stop being so judgmental. 

 Simultaneously I had to listen to and respect his needs-your wife and I cannot have it both ways, refusing to help satisfy our husbands needs & also not allowing him to figure out a workaround.

 On my husbands end, he has to listen to and understand me as well-not treat me like a reject of a wife, not pressure me To always do things I don’t want to- not expect me to always fake it instead of being authentic.

Where I’m at right now is that we’ve been trying to meet in the middle but can’t seem to get it right- he always wants more of me- since it’s not enough for him, his porn usage has gotten out of control.

Going luck to all of us 🤷‍♀️

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