Serra Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 *points to title* This is something I've never understood.... I've had many friends tell me about how they have HORRID relationships... how they've been abused, they fight constantly, but then they have makeup sex and its all fine until the next one.. why would someone WILLINGLY stay in such a toxic relationship just for What they refer to as "Great sex?" It boggles my mind how important sex seems to be in every facet of our lives... Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 People stay in failing and toxic relationships for all sorts of reasons, the great sex is just one of the ones they themselves are consciously aware of. There's feelings of shame and not wanting to prove everyone who's told you 'this relationship will fail' right, there's feelings of not wanting to have wasted all that time you invested into making it work, there's feelings of fear that you'll never be able to get anyone else, and there's the cozy comfort of the familiar, even when that familiar is bad. People get attached, they think this is 'true love' and that they can 'overcome all odds' and the great sex, to some people, proves that there's something there, there has to be, otherwise how could the sex be so mind blowing? There's also the fact that, to these people, the sex is something amazing. Imagine something you really really love...a particular kind of cake, or genre of video game, or type of sport. Now picture that most of the time you get access to 'pretty good' samples of this...well made cake, fun video games, decent sports equipment or a team that does pretty good together. Now picture that you find some one who has an exemplary sample...they make the BEST damn cake, they have exclusive access to the perfect game you've dreamed of all your life, they're the most amazing team mate and bring you top end gear that you'd never be able to buy on your own. You like the person well enough most of the time...some of the time at least. Yea sure they're a bit of a dick sometimes and you end up arguing and screaming at each other once a week but then they make you this awesome cake/you have a great game session/ you go sport like you've never sported before and it all seems like it's not such a big deal when you're basking in the glow of the good parts, and those good parts are ten times better than they are with any one else. Surely the rough patches and the occasional argument's are worth this one-of-a-kind, better-than-all-others version of the thing you love, and surely the fact that its so amazing with just them means there's something special between you two, right? The human mind is a complex ball of logical failings, and people get caught up in these situations without ever consciously realizing what they're doing or thinking. That can get us stuck in self made traps where we just sit there because we don't realize how bad or pointless its really gotten, and we're comfortable enough where we are. Link to post Share on other sites
Serra Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 ^^^^ This is a pretty good explanation... though I will still never understand it personally... Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 I never got this myself. Or “angry sex” or “hate sex”. That sounds hurty, not fun. And why do you want to have sex with someone you hate? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Why would anyone have make-up sex in the first place? That's kinda messed up Link to post Share on other sites
Lipbalm Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 I've known long ago that some girls really love to date horrible guys and they love the drama that comes out of being in such relationships. Even if you look around on AVEN, you sometimes get to read posts from girls in toxic relationships who never want to leave, but they appear to love the sympathy. One of my friends, she's 31 and was hospitalised three times, once with a shattered cheekbone by her boyfriend but she thinks the world of him. She blames herself every time she gets beaten black and blue. So this post does not surprise me. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Quote There's also the fact that, to these people, the sex is something amazing. Imagine something you really really love...a particular kind of cake, or genre of video game, or type of sport. Now picture that most of the time you get access to 'pretty good' samples of this...well made cake, fun video games, decent sports equipment or a team that does pretty good together. Now picture that you find some one who has an exemplary sample...they make the BEST damn cake, they have exclusive access to the perfect game you've dreamed of all your life, they're the most amazing team mate and bring you top end gear that you'd never be able to buy on your own. You like the person well enough most of the time...some of the time at least. Yea sure they're a bit of a dick sometimes and you end up arguing and screaming at each other once a week but then they make you this awesome cake/you have a great game session/ you go sport like you've never sported before and it all seems like it's not such a big deal when you're basking in the glow of the good parts, and those good parts are ten times better than they are with any one else. Surely the rough patches and the occasional argument's are worth this one-of-a-kind, better-than-all-others version of the thing you love, and surely the fact that its so amazing with just them means there's something special between you two, right? There isn't a single example of food/game/stuff/whatever I've come across that I'd willingly put up with a "bit of a dick" to have, so yeah, it still baffles me that people would, even if it's not about sex. Link to post Share on other sites
abandoned-account Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 6 hours ago, Lipbalm said: I've known long ago that some girls really love to date horrible guys and they love the drama that comes out of being in such relationships. Even if you look around on AVEN, you sometimes get to read posts from girls in toxic relationships who never want to leave, but they appear to love the sympathy. I swear it seems some people go out of their way to look for more pointless drama whether they have to start it themselves or not. I will never understand such types. 6 hours ago, Philip027 said: There isn't a single example of food/game/stuff/whatever I've come across that I'd willingly put up with a "bit of a dick" to have, so yeah, it still baffles me that people would, even if it's not about sex. I agree, BS is BS. Not even for the most gorgeous and vast collection of vintage computers in the world! Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 There's no need to try to understand why people do things you don't want to do. Especially concerning sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Back to Avalon Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 2 hours ago, Vee. said: I swear it seems some people go out of their way to look for more pointless drama whether they have to start it themselves or not. I will never understand such types. I think sometimes people conflate love and drama. Or maybe they just get hooked on the drama and become addicted to the adrenaline rush it gives them. Link to post Share on other sites
starweb Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 18 hours ago, Mrs said: I never got this myself. Or “angry sex” or “hate sex”. That sounds hurty, not fun. And why do you want to have sex with someone you hate? Or comfort sex. But then, I never got spontaneous sex either. Those commercials where a couple is painting a house or something and give each other the 'look'. Does not compute. We have a house to paint! Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolatastic AroAce Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 I always thought this was just something people did in comedy movies. I can't believe people say this in real life. How could anything be worth getting the crap kicked out of you or potentially dying everyday? I suppose they think they can still fix the relationship? It sounds like a weird version of Stockholm syndrome...maybe the "awesome sex" makes them think the person really cares about them... Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 Quote But then, I never got spontaneous sex either. Those commercials where a couple is painting a house or something and give each other the 'look'. Does not compute. We have a house to paint! The implication is that painting the house is fucking boring, compared to... actual fucking, which to most people is not. You can replace "painting the house" with whatever other sort of chore-like activity you'd really rather not be doing. Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 The only reason I see makeup sex is interesting is that the concept is alluring or interesting in theory. TV tends to display those as steamy. Think of people shipping enemies that hates each other. Also, just search 'hate sex' to see their reasoning which I don't agree with. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 11 hours ago, Ameline257 said: I always thought this was just something people did in comedy movies. I can't believe people say this in real life. How could anything be worth getting the crap kicked out of you or potentially dying everyday? I suppose they think they can still fix the relationship? It sounds like a weird version of Stockholm syndrome...maybe the "awesome sex" makes them think the person really cares about them... Most people use the term in real life to mean sex after garden variety fighting, not in an abusive setting. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick2 Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 Humans are very strange animals. Maybe it has to do with something way back in our primal minds. Must mate with the dominate male in the pack. Dominate male must protect what is his. Link to post Share on other sites
starweb Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 11 hours ago, Philip027 said: The implication is that painting the house is fucking boring, compared to... actual fucking, which to most people is not. You can replace "painting the house" with whatever other sort of chore-like activity you'd really rather not be doing. I'd include sex in that category. I think I'd rather paint the house. Link to post Share on other sites
- Ness - Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 I never would want to stay in a relationship that's extremely toxic just for that so it confuses me as well. Through, I feel as if it's something I don't really need to know about. Link to post Share on other sites
Serra Posted March 24, 2019 Author Share Posted March 24, 2019 22 hours ago, Philip027 said: The implication is that painting the house is fucking boring, compared to... actual fucking, which to most people is not. You can replace "painting the house" with whatever other sort of chore-like activity you'd really rather not be doing. See to me... sex is the boring chore I'd rather not be doing.... Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Wanderer Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 Increased emotion (good or bad) equals increased vigour and passion. angry sex, make up etc etc. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdography Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 This is something that always confused me. Is sex really that good that you’re willing to risk your physical and mental well being to have it? I don’t see how that is beneficial at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted March 25, 2019 Share Posted March 25, 2019 30 minutes ago, Purple Wanderer said: Increased emotion (good or bad) equals increased vigour and passion. angry sex, make up etc etc. *nods* Link to post Share on other sites
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