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OnlyFear

Areas of discomfort

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OnlyFear

So, let’s set the scene. I’m an asexual. I’m dating a straight male, who loves having sex with me. I have no problem having sex with him, I have less/no drive obviously. But I truly enjoy kissing and cuddling with him and all that. 

 

My problem is I’m not good at sexting. I’ve done it, and maybe enjoyed it at some point, but nowadays I just find it awkward. I want to make him happy, but I just draw a blank. A complete blank for replies, and I can tell it disappoints him every time. 

 

How do I fix this? Its ended awkwardly many times but he keeps trying. I have changed topics instead of replying to the sexts and its always awkward. I don’t know if the root problem is my lack of sexual desire, or my lack of creative writing skill. I just don’t know. 

 

I’m not even sure if anyone can help me, maybe I just needed to put it out there and get it off my chest. But if you have a suggestion, I’m happy to read it. Anything is better then feeling this lost and confused with no where to turn. 

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user23974865

I think something like that shouldn't take such large proportions that it even gets distressing when it doesn't work out. It sounds to me like a general sign of lack of communication. Talk to him. Tell him what works or doesn't work for you, what makes you happy and what makes you uncomfortable, and so on. And encourage him to tell you the same types of things about himself. It's ideal if that kind of information gets exchanged without having to ask, but if that doesn't happen on its own (and I think most of the time it doesn't), simply talking and asking is usually the best thing to do.

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anisotrophic

When I've been sexual with my partner I'd sometimes flirt and he found it stressful. It got better when we understood asexuality he knew he wasn't expected to feel anything reciprocal. Because he can't! :P I love him, I don't want him to stress about that.

 

If your partner wants to flirt anyway with texts maybe that's ok with you, the main thing is you're feeling pressured about the expectation of reciprocating? Because you can't. I'm guessing it doesn't mean you're upset with him for having those desires but it's stressful to feel like you need to feel/express something in return.

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CBC

I would honestly just tell him that you're not into it. I imagine he's not getting a whole lot out of it if it's as awkward as you say. If it's not something that's coming to you relatively naturally (some nervousness at first is normal of course, as with any sexuality activity), it's probably not worth forcing. I'm not asexual but I've done it with someone I wasn't really fully into that way (and they were ace) and it was... blehhh. Your partner may be disappointed, but it's better to be honest.

 

Question, though: does he know you're asexual?

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Serran

Sexting is awkward... I dont get the point. Flirting, sure. And I send sexy pics sometimes. But full out sexy times in text ? Ew. And not ace. 

 

Just be honest you dont like it and dont know what to say in reply. 

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