Question about Trans; Romantic Orientation?

[DayDreamer~]

Hello, this is entirely new territory for me so correct me if anything I say or phrase is disrespectful please. ^-^

 

So, my partner came out to me as thinking they're most likely Trans yesterday. I love them very much and this is not a problem for me, and I hope I can support them as they continue to learn more about themselves and how they'd like to present themselves, dress, be called, etc. They're not exactly sure what they are yet, but it seems to be leaning towards MtF. 

 

My only concern is that when I asked if they knew yet whether they preferred to date males or females with this new knowledge, they said they weren't sure. We've been together for over seven months now, we're long distance, and we've made it through a few rough times- I really don't want this to end, but I'm worried that they'll decide they want to date the opposite gender to what they transition to. They said they love me, and after I insisted on knowing whether or not they wanted me to stay, they said they'd like to try this. 

 

For anyone on here who transitioned while in a relationship or came out to a partner, did your romantic orientation change as well? Or was that pretty much the same? I'm assuming it depends on the person. I just hope that as they learn more, they'll be honest with me about whether or not they can continue dating me as a cis female. 

 

Please note I won't hold it against them if they do decide they want to date guys instead. I want them to be happy no matter what, and they already seem to be happier being able to come out to themselves and a few trusted others, so I'm really glad they're starting to discover more about themselves and accept it as it comes. I'm proud of them. 

[Cheap_Villain]

Gender and attraction are 2 completely different things, so their attraction to you most likely hasn't changed. 

 

physical transition with hormones can often change sex drive, for some people their sexuality/romantic attraction does change completely. Out of what I heard with people who take estrogen, their sex drive usually lessens, but if they just came out as trans the only reason for their attraction to change would be more of a realization than a "them changing" thing.

 

for me personally as a trans guy, ive been more romantically attracted to guys than girls after coming out for a year, but my boyfriend (also trans) experienced the opposite. it's really dependant on the individual, I would honestly just keep open communication between you two about how yall feel 

[anisotrophic]

Some people change the orientation they identify with when they transition, but the majority don't. Also a change in this orientation identity could be to bi, just identifying with more attractions. I think you should ask them, if you're worried.

[Philip027]

I'm not the trans one, but my partner is.  Didn't change anything for them, they already knew they were biromantic.

 

I don't feel like it changed anything for me.  I got to know my partner as "female" originally and now that we're connected, it doesn't really matter to me what gender they identify as now.  Even though under some interpretations we are technically in a "gay" relationship, I don't feel gay.  I'm not drawn to those of my sex... quite the opposite, actually.

[TrippleL]

Great to hear you’re supportive and love them for who they are 🙂

 

When I worked out I was non-binary transgender it was the same as working out I’m a biromantic asexual; it has always been the case, I just had not realised / had a word for it / known others feel this way.

 

I understand some people’s orientation (sexual or romantic) and gender can fluctuate or change over time, but a majority of people on AVEN seem to be like me; ie “have always been this way” (note: this is an observation not a judgement 🙂)

 

When I realised all of the above it took me a while (a few months) to settle on labels and preferences, so the only advice I can offer is carry on being there for them and I hope it works out great for both of you 🙂

[DayDreamer~]

Thanks everyone for your replies, they've helped me a lot with thinking through this.

 

They've always dated girls and when considering whether they were gay prior to thinking they might be Trans, didn't seem to find that accurate so I'm wondering if romantically they're probably still attracted to females (we got together thinking we were both asexual hetero-romantic, by the way). But of course I won't shove them into a box in case that changes as they explore their new self. And it's true that they could consider themselves Bi as well instead of completely going the other way. I'll just have to see what happens. When I asked them what they were afraid of, one thing they mentioned was fear I wouldn't want to date them being Trans- and their voice broke, and my heart cracked with it. So that also convinced me they want me to stay.

 

A lot of their personality has always been so sweet and supportive, and they're really funny and all around I fell in love with their heart. The only difference I can see if 'he' becomes a 'she' is that they'll no longer look the same, if they decide to get the surgeries. But I know I'd still love their heart no matter what vessel it's in- and if they get to be happier and love themselves more because of it, that's the best gift of all.