May not be Ace?

[MSBThePale]

Hi, so I've been identifying as ace(graysexual demiromantic) for almost a year now. Let me say that it was an enormous relief to find out there was a word that described my experiences. Growing up, I always found it hard to use the word "crush" and even when I did, it was aesthetic at best, and I've always been more or less sex repulsed.

 

I found a sweetheart some few years ago, and it's mostly long distance, which has suited me just fine. When I came to terms with my identity, I came out to my partner a few weeks later(He is still struggling with understanding but that's a different can of worms).

 

Long story short, I've been really happy with this new development in my life. I'm finally comfortable in my skin. I spent a period of time questioning and I thought i figured it out.

 

But recently, I've been looking into medical concerns. On a semi unrelated note, I've always had trouble gaining weight and managing it, so over the years, I've had people suggest to me that it may be a thyroid condition. I never get around to seeing a doctor for this, but I finally looked up some symptoms, only to find out one of them is low libido. Part of me wanted to shrug it off, but it's too convenient. I have all of the other symptoms. Now I can't help but wonder if I was ever asexual at all.

 

I know a lot of ace people face skepticism when coming out and the ever infamous phrase, "You must have some sort of imbalance," and I always scoff at it. But what if there really is something wrong with me? Is there much different between sexual attraction and libido? If I get treatment, will I just become allo? All of the medical websites and articles talk about how it's something that can easily be fixed, but I don't want a sex drive. 

[Pandark]

Would it hurt to get yourself checked/treated for a possible thyroid condition and find out? If you suffer such condition it's probably not a good idea to leave it untreated. It's not as if you're a different person afterwards. This whole identity thing, don't make too much of it.

[MSBThePale]

31 minutes ago, Chilli Pepper said:

Would it hurt to get yourself checked/treated for a possible thyroid condition and find out? If you suffer such condition it's probably not a good idea to leave it untreated. It's not as if you're a different person afterwards. This whole identity thing, don't make too much of it.

No, it wouldn't hurt, and I probably will get checked out. I don't mean to make it sound like I'm putting off going to the doctor because I want to stay asexual. I guess it's just shocking to think that maybe I was wrong, even after I became so comfortable with the label, and even told my SO about it. I've been this way my whole life, but I've also always had the other symptoms, so it's hard to know what's real.

[Comfortably Confused]

Attraction doesn't equal libido. If I were you, I'd get checked out because health is wealth but also remember that it's your identity and so long as you identify as asexual, you are asexual. 

[Guest]

Libido can be high without interest in making it partnered. Or it can be low without a medical condition. You might even one day like a person enough to ve attracted to them that way. Doesn't matter.. just be you and go with how you feel.

 

I thought I was ace non libidoist for about 5 years, after 10 years of failed attempts at wanting sex. Turns out I just need a very strong emotional bond to get interested and once I am a libido sparks. Until then I had nothing at all, not even solo stuff. So, ya never know really. Not worth worrying about, imo. Just be you as you are today and if it changes tomorrow, go with it. 

[MSBThePale]

1 hour ago, Comfortably Confused said:

Attraction doesn't equal libido. If I were you, I'd get checked out because health is wealth but also remember that it's your identity and so long as you identify as asexual, you are asexual. 

Thank you so much. I still don't know how closely tied my libido is to my attraction, but that is something I needed to hear.

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I see Sexual Attraction and Libido as different things since there are Sexuals with low libido, and Asexuals with a high libido.

I do think, though, that you should have your thyroid checked if you're concerned, and don't worry about your identity changing.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[Philip027]

For what it's worth, I've had low testosterone for a while (probably for a lot longer than since it was first discovered) but even after they were putting me on testosterone shots, it didn't give me a libido or anything.  They did pretty much nothing, in fact.

 

Sometimes you just are the way you are.  The reasoning is unimportant.

 

Also, while people are saying that getting a libido does not necessarily mean you would direct it at anyone else (and they're right), personally, I feel like if I had a libido, it would have caused my sexual orientation to fall more in line with my romantic orientation and I probably would very well have ended up as heterosexual.  How do I know that?  I guess I don't... but I have a strong inclination that that's how I would have turned out.

[Comfortably Confused]

On 3/25/2019 at 2:00 AM, CBC said:

] I'm not asexual if I innately want to have sex with someone.

Except that wanting to have sex and feeling sexual attraction are also two different things. I've tried to lump those two together and it really doesn't work.

[Philip027]

6 hours ago, Comfortably Confused said:

Except that wanting to have sex and feeling sexual attraction are also two different things. I've tried to lump those two together and it really doesn't work.

Why would you refer to an attraction as "sexual" if it didn't amount to you desiring sexual activity with them to at least some degree?  (Yes, you can still be abstinent from it for whatever reason, but that's the whole idea behind abstaining; you still *want* to do something but other reservations are overriding that desire.)