Curiosity but keep it PG-13

[Rein]

I’ve been wondering something after doing the “for fun” questions on a dating app and I’m probably not the first to bring this up.

 

What brings you to any dating site? Just meeting people for example.

 

What do you seek in the relationship? A BFF to hang out with. A person to marry but still do the platonic BFF. Someone for coitus. A family. Something else?

 

I’m just trying to understand myself. I for instance feel alone most days. I’d like to have a family. Most date apps give me the impression people just want coitus. I’m not opposed to that but I’d rather cuddle or something. 

 

I also wonder if I’m doing it wrong because no date resource has ever been all that much help. 

[Hermy]

Plenty of people on dating apps are after sex. Never tried them but I'd say you're most likely to find what you're after if you're direct about it.

[MollyDMA]

I tried dating apps and sites because I was bored and I got a lot of 'offers'. I was also on there just to make friends but it took some digging before I found some decent people. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. 

[gisiebob]

...have you ever heard of the experiments in tomato sauce marketing?

 

people without fail will say they want chunkier sauce. people without fail will buy the less chunky sauce. we are liars to our own selves,

and knowing what is important to us is something that's very important to us. so sometimes we are unoriginal. that sexytimes stuff feels nice and is a handshake of comfortableness with someone I care about, so it must be important, right?

 

sometimes it's really hard to stand up in the old timey saloon and declare "I like strawberry sauce on my  spegetti!" but it's probably worth it.

[SorryNotSorry]

Nope, never had any luck with dating sites, for multiple reasons.

 

It's implied that if you're interested in dating, sex is your endgame, and non-asexual dating is built around that idea. If you come straight out and saying you're openly asexual, guess what, you've just pre-emptively dumped >99% of potential partners on that site.

 

Another is that traditions die hard, even in situations where they're utterly pointless. Case in point is the traditional rule that the woman must NEVER make the first move—if she does, it means she's despo, a slut, and probably a lot of other things that aren't true. This is why sites like HerWay are failures, because whoever invented online dating probably counted on the idea that the women would make the first move at least half the time. In the real world, it only happens 10% of the time at most, and I think that's a very generous estimate. Even in a hypothetical situation where you can be pretty sure the men in the group are asexual and sex is not their endgame, women still won't initiate because of tradition and the fear of being stigmatized for breaking with it.

 

As I've pointed out in Asexual Musings and Rantings, if you date, you're a brand. Personally, I've come to terms with the idea that women just don't have any interest in what my brand has to offer, so I've learned to be happy with setting and fulfilling my goals for myself alone.

[Rein]

6 minutes ago, Woodworker1968 said:

I've learned to be happy with setting and fulfilling my goals for myself alone.

Just curious, if a family was something you wanted. Would you adopt and do the single parent thing?

[Guest]

I just go on it to meet weird people and argue with them over stupid things. 

[Rein]

Really? You do that intensionally or is that just how things play out?

 

and the whole “brand” thing has me thinking marketing terms and wondering how you find the right market to sell your brand. My brain hurts with how dehumanizing and demoralizing that is. 

[SorryNotSorry]

2 hours ago, Rein said:

Just curious, if a family was something you wanted. Would you adopt and do the single parent thing?

I never wanted a family, so the question is moot.