BDSM Asexual Relationships

[alrileythen]

This is something I've been trying to put it words for a while, and I don't really have a way to ask others about it unless I'm at least a little blatant about what I'm talkin' about.

 

I've noticed, in my recent prodding around various NSFW communities, that I've seen curators/creators of sexual content identifying as asexual. I wanted to sort of, open a discussion on this. Asexuality, as it's been talked about on here, doesn't always mean not having sex- at least that's what I've seen. But purposely seeking it out- coming from someone who id's as asexual is a little more than confusing. I'm not the type of person to question someone's identity. However they call themselves, however they define themselves, I'm going to say Yes and Thank You For Trusting Me! But I suppose I'm most curious about the why.

 

Is it power? Having power sexually over someone else? Over themselves? Of the freedom to choose to act upon desires they would otherwise ignore? Is it comfort in one's body? In trust?

 

I'm simply a fellow ace trying to learn, so whatever feedback you have may be appreciated. Thanks! Let's talk about this. As well, if I need to move this discussion elsewhere, if it's in the wrong forum, let me know!

[ryn2]

27 minutes ago, alrileythen said:

I've seen curators/creators of sexual content identifying as asexual. I wanted to sort of, open a discussion on this.

I’ve read this a couple of times and I feel like I’m missing something... specifically how this relates to BDSM.

 

 

[FaerieFate]

Fun fact, not all BDSM relationships are sexual at all. I know people who enjoy BDSM that doesn't include sex. Not my thing, but two each his own, right? As long as everyone is happy and consenting, good for them!

[ryn2]

3 minutes ago, FaerieFate said:

Fun fact, not all BDSM relationships are sexual at all. I know people who enjoy BDSM that doesn't include sex. Not my thing, but two each his own, right? As long as everyone is happy and consenting, good for them!

I have a good friend, my one ace irl friend, who often engages in sexual activities as part of BDSM play because she struggles to find play partners who are willing to scene with her without that.  On the rare occasion she does find someone who just wants to play without sex, that’s her definite preference.  The rest of the time, sex is basically the fee she pays for scenes.

[iff]

moved from sexual partners, friends & allies to the grey area

 

iff,

Moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies

[alrileythen]

On 3/18/2019 at 7:12 PM, ryn2 said:

I’ve read this a couple of times and I feel like I’m missing something... specifically how this relates to BDSM.

 

Perhaps I should've adapted the title better. I'm mostly speaking on people who use BDSM terminology on things like-- NSFW blogs and such. People who have the label asexual beside dom and participate sexually with their blog and their followers.  "Name / Asexual / Soft Dom" sort of nomenclature in their abouts and such.

 

On 3/18/2019 at 7:15 PM, FaerieFate said:

Fun fact, not all BDSM relationships are sexual at all. I know people who enjoy BDSM that doesn't include sex. Not my thing, but two each his own, right? As long as everyone is happy and consenting, good for them!

No yeah, I totally agree. I think that's really neat. Finding ways to participate without participating sexually is really interesting to me.

[Hunnibi]

I actually usually handle sex this way. I'm asexual and don't have a desire for it, but when someone else does I kind of go along and do the thing. For me, engaging sexually is easiest when I have nothing sexual "done to me" and have to fake arousal,  but just do everything to others. Sometimes I just keep my pants on for it. It doesn't feel like equal romantic vanilla sex then but more like BDSM. So I think BDSM is actually a good way for people to play together, when one partner is into it sexually and the other isn't.