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Social Anxiety Disorder


Ziffler

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Are we anti-social because we are NOT interested in sex or is it the other way around? Since we are NOT interested in sex, does that contribute to our Anti Social behaviour?

I just welcomed a new young member to AVEN that used this term and it got me to thinking and when that happens then of course it's time for a new thread to look deep inside ourselves again. :D :D :D

Social Anxiety Disorder.

I always just thought of myself as being shy, backward, introverted, timid and very much the loner. Now there is a disorder for this! :D :D :D

I am sure we have talked about this topic before, but who digs back into the old posts to revisit topics so lets re-examine this again.

Social activities are designed primarily for getting to know one another, building relationships and interative involvements which are lead in's to sexual attractions and activities. Being asexual, I am not interested in sexual attractions and activities.

So is that why I avoid social gatherings because I don't have the sexual attraction mechanism in me, thus the whole social scene becomes tedious, boring and frustrating?

Looking forward to reading your thoughts on this.

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An interesting concept.

I am definitely no a "social being" in that I am quite happy with my own company most of the time but then again I enjoy the company of like-minded people. For one thing conversation is an essential to me and the internet has proved to be a boon in this regard as one can have conversations without the constant need to be "social".

However I also seek out the company of those I like (or perhaps enjoy the opportunity when it arises) but I most certainly prefer those gatherings where sexual/personal attraction do not form the core. A "party" just to meet people is to me rather pointless. A gathering of people with a similar interest is on the other hand very enjoyable whhether that was the military when i was younger or the fun and games i have now.

For example, I am going away this weekend for two days of company with a small group for vaguely role-play activities. I will enjoty those of course but in reality it is the company of friends that I will enjoy most of all. So am I truly anti-social?

I think possibly confusion is caused by humans' "mating games". A LOT of "social activity" is a thinly disguised pairing session where people go to find a partner (whether or not they have one already). At teenage dances this is obvious. At adult dinner-parties less so. But i believe the basic drive tfor those sorts of gatherings to be the same. The "display" instinct is shown by the levels people dress up (or dress down) to attend such functions.

Interest groups on the other hand tend towards "uniform" (of one sort or another) which actually has the opposite effect of dressing up (despite the splendour that such uniforms can involve). The purpose of them is not to say "Look at me..look how attractive I am.." but to say "You have no need to look at me..I am the same as you.." The former wishes to exclude others and hence achieve a pairing. The latter seeks to be included in the group AS A WHOLE and thus remain individual. This is not to say there cannot be any overlap of these two groups or of the intention to display. The group activity approach, though , does allow those not seeking partners to still remain part of the group and enjoy company whereas the "display" gatherings mean that those who do NOT achieve a pairing are left out in the cold so to speak.

Does constant rejection by/from such social gatherings cause asexuality or confirm it in some way? I think this is very possible. The psychological effects of rejection may well have a bearing especially if the hormonally driven instinct is not too strong in the first place. The child whose art-work is constantly disparaged and marked down at school is hardly likely to develop a drive to express him/herself through art. The one who is praised for it may well be encouraged to explore such expression further. Can the same be said for a sex-drive?

Is it perhaps not "cause and effect" (whichever way round " but a case of BOTH antisociality and asexuality being the effect of something else (what I know not). Possibly a lack of testosterone in a male (for example) reduces both the sex-drive AND the drive to be sociable. I do not know. There is no doubt in my mind that "leaders" in any enterprise/endeavour tend to be both highly sexed and highly sociable. Is one the cause of the other or do both have a common cause?.

roddy

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A few years ago I self-diagnosed myself with Avoidant Personality Disorder. It is pretty similar to social anxiety. I was pretty glad to find that what was wrong with me was actually something pre-existent, it helped me to stop putting myself down about it.

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I'm OK in company, I'm happy with my own. It's actually taken a lot of years to get to this stage, and most of the difficulties(I think) arose because while I was growing up (50s /60s) it was a different time, (for example, homosexuality was actually illegal, though not lesbianism). I had a close friend at primary school, but we went to different high schools, and I never formed another close relationship or have a 'best friend', and from this time I realised I was an oddity.

I did my best to fit in, but other people must have realised it was an act and reacted accordingly - it hurt for many years. Since taking early retirement, the stresses of the 9-5 worinkg life have been removed, I can do hours that I want to, I have formed a really great working relationship with my colleague - but we don't meet socially. Yes, I'm fairly manic, I say some outrageous things I would never have dared to do when I was younger - but now I know that no-one is ever going to take me seriously, so I can get away awith it. :lol: :lol:

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FelineFanatic

Social Anxiety Disorder?

I feel I have social anxiety in some situations, but not others. If it is a sexual situation where I feel the flirting going on and what not, I get very uptight. hen there are social stuations where I feel no sexual tension or alterior motive and feel at peace. One example is in a church social. Most people there are in relationships, or are families. The singles there are so far out of my age bracket that it is not even a concern. (They are young enough to be my children or old enough to be my parents.) It is nice to sit aaround and have someone with an interst similar to your own to sit and chat on the topic. Another time I feel very social with no sexual pressure is when it comes to saving animals, pet rescue, and that sort of thing. You do not even realize what the people look like, because all attention is diverted to the animals, and since you are out there to help, there is no need to be dressed up. Old clothes, and pulled back hair is the norm. In fact, I think that is why there are so many homosexuals in animal rescue.

Since I can have some normal social interactions, I would not consider myself to have a social anxiety disorder.

I do have my own version of S.A.D., but in my case it is Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Just wondering if anyone else can feel OK in a social situation if there is no sexual tension?

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Adventuress Heart

I feel alot of anxiety in social gatherings/situations, I assume it's due to my AS. I'm not like that around my family so I'm not sure how that relates to asexuality since I'm sure sooner or later I'd get used to the person I was living with if I did enter into a relationship. I dont see much of a connection between social anxiety and avoiding sex if this is what the topic is about.

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I consider myself a very social person. Sometimes I think I have too many friendships as I end up with no time for myself! It's only if it is a single, flirting male that I get social anxiety because I'm afraid he's coming on to me! Not that I'd mind it if it could be a non-sexual romance! I do think our experiences in puberty might affect our lack of sex drive. I was rather awkward and ugly in middle school and so my first taste of male attention was negative and insulting...I don't think I've ever forgiven them for some of the comments they made. Later when they wanted to date me just because they then liked my appearance, I was still insulted as it seemed looks were all that mattered.

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Yes...it is possible,I'm very shy and I think that I have social phobia,it is the same than social anxiety,I think,but I enjoy with the company of my friends and family,only in certain situations I feel miserable and very bad,for example, in discos,in parties,in very big meetings,and so on.

I would prefer being not so shy,because for me it is very difficult the relations with unknown people,and in this way,I could have more friends,it is a pity. :(

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i don't consider myself to be anti social. that said, i don't have an interest in 90% of the garbage society thinks is important. i enjoy social contact with REAL people who are genuine, open minded, kind, and compassionate. as for game players or people out to impress others with meaningless materialism, i'd prefer the company of animals and nature.

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...an after thought....maybe so many people here feel "anti social" and shy because we have little in common with the majority of society that is so obsessed with sex....getting sex, looking "hot" & sexy...blah blah blah. place us in a society that is asexual and i bet more of us would feel comfortable in social situations. ohhhhhhh, if AVEN were only a country instead of a website! hehehe

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... ohhhhhhh, if AVEN were only a country instead of a website! hehehe

AMEN!

-GB

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Our Own Country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even if it were just a small Island..................................................

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

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It sounds marvellous!!!!.Can you imagine it?,an island for us,only for us,the Democratic Republic of Asexual People or sometnig like this,fantastic,but only an illusion,sadly.

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Hallucigenia
It sounds marvellous!!!!.Can you imagine it?,an island for us,only for us,the Democratic Republic of Asexual People or sometnig like this,fantastic,but only an illusion,sadly.

Well, there's a micronation called the Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands... so I don't see why asexuals couldn't eventually do the same. ;)

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It sounds marvellous!!!!.Can you imagine it?,an island for us,only for us,the Democratic Republic of Asexual People or sometnig like this,fantastic,but only an illusion,sadly
.

We may all be asexual..but does that guarantee we would LIKE each other? Or even that we all have the same aspirations? A nice idea at first glance but a non-goer I am afraid.

I'll leave it to the teens here to get all worked up about the unfairness of the world in general. I seem to have found my "niche" in this world and by and large I can't complain about my life. It perhaps could have been "better" and it most certainly could have been worse. I have friends who put up with me. What else is there?

roddy

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I might be late in joining in, but have some of you ever consider that you may have Asperger Syndrome?

I have always had the same kind of trouble all of you are talking about...

However, I had extreme learning difficulties as a child and before I ever went to school, I had a hard time playing with kids.

I didn't know what to do and often times I just stood there being confused or I would go back to my Obession which was listening to CD's and watching them spin. I was highly obessive with microphones as well.

Anyways, the point I am trying to bring up is that Asexuality is big in the Asperger Community...I was diagnosed with it as well..

Just something to think about...

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Anyways, the point I am trying to bring up is that Asexuality is big in the Asperger Community...I was diagnosed with it as well..

Just something to think about..

.

I suspect that you would find the same applies to ANY single-issue grouping. It will be bound to attract those who are "obsessive" (about that particular issue).

Reading through all the posts on this board (not just this thread) it does strike me that many members are only too glad to have the excuse of asexuality to blame all their problems on. I have no doubt that asexuality in a western world that currently seems to pay so much heed to sex IS a problem. But we are all surely capable of overcomimg problems if we WANT to.

It may well be harder to integrate into various social groups if we do not have that instinctive feel for sexuality that seems to be the oil that lubricates the social "machine" but that is not the only lubricant. The point is that MY life does not revolve around the need for sex. It has many points of contact with society, business, family, friends, hobbies, groups such as this..It may have been harder for me (and other asexual people) to build these bridges but it was not and is not impossible.

roddy

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Reading through all the posts on this board (not just this thread) it does strike me that many members are only too glad to have the excuse of asexuality to blame all their problems on. I have no doubt that asexuality in a western world that currently seems to pay so much heed to sex IS a problem. But we are all surely capable of overcomimg problems if we WANT to.

roddy

Sorry roddy, I can't let it go without saying I think your tone is somewhat harsh. I don't have any sense of anyone using asexuality as an "excuse" for anything, and in any case kalo is referring to a diagnosis of Aspergers. So far as I can see, people in AVEN, like people anywhere, do sometimes have things going on in their lives that make them vulnerable, mostly do have courage in dealing with those things, and mostly do support each other. On the topic of this thread, I do as it happens have friends, interests and social networks, but I also hope I'll never stop trying to change the world (despite not being a teenager!).

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Sorry roddy, I can't let it go without saying I think your tone is somewhat harsh.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but I believe it to be true.

It is not restricted to this board. It seems to me to be a modern disease. Find some handle to hang your problems on then it is all ok. It isn't your fault. Therefore everything wrong must be someone else's fault.

Set out to change the world? That is the sin the greeks called "hubris" and the Gods always punished hubris heavily. One persons benefit is anothers loss. Set out to change YOURSELF (or where things cannot be changed to learn to adapt)..that is not hubris. As Shakespeare said "The fault dear Brutus lies not in our stars but in ourselves".

If we have problems "fitting in" to society then it is OUR problem..not society's. By all means let us learn to recognise what our problems are but only as a means of overcoming those problems. Maybe I am fortunate in meeting people along the way who have helped me but then again maybe I am wise in recognising help when offered. But whatever i am it is only in my power to change. Nobody else can or should try to change me and I should not try to change anyone else.

roddy

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Oh No, Here I go again, Sticking my 2 cents worth in something I should stay completely out of. Woe is me!

roddy9uk wrote;

It seems to me to be a modern disease. Find some handle to hang your problems on then it is all ok. It isn't your fault. Therefore everything wrong must be someone else's fault.

This I agree with. Our courts let murders off due to "Innocent due to mental disorder". They did the crime, everyone knows they did the crime, yet because they aren't right in the head they go free. Well anyone who murders another isn't right in the head. Why isn't it, "Guilty due to mental disorder" and they get life in prison with shrink previledges.

That was an extreme but I see where Roddy is coming from in the little things of life. Thieves rob because they are poor, and so its ok. Kids kill their parents because their parents spanked them, which is now "abuse" so its ok. Worker does poorly on the job, but they are having domestic problems so its ok. etc. etc. etc. Whatever happened to "Personal Responsibility?"

roddy9uk wrote:

Set out to change the world? That is the sin the greeks called "hubris" and the Gods always punished hubris heavily. One persons benefit is anothers loss. Set out to change YOURSELF (or where things cannot be changed to learn to adapt)..that is not hubris. As Shakespeare said "The fault dear Brutus lies not in our stars but in ourselves".

The problem with this idea. The Greeks were wrong. There are no "Gods". There is the One Living God and He said to Change the World one person at a time.

Mathew 28:18-20. "And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen"

roddy9ukwrote:

If we have problems "fitting in" to society then it is OUR problem..not society's. By all means let us learn to recognise what our problems are but only as a means of overcoming those problems.

I agree and disagree with this statement. Well agree with the first and disagree with the second.

Our problems whatever they be, are "our Problems" and not societies. Example: I am anti-social, I fear heights and spiders. Those are my problems and society shouldnt have to deal with my problems and society isn't responsible for my problems and society shouldn't give me special previledges because of my problems.

As for overcoming, I have found in my case you don't overcome those deep seated problems. They are a part of you. I gave it a try. People said you got to overcome them by facing them head on. Ya right. Get into a tub of spiders to overcome the fear. (fear factor) I don't think so. I took flying lessons because I love to fly even though I fear heights. While I was flying the plane my instructor took hold of the controls and put the plane into a steep dive and then climb. I totally freaked and turned white as death itself. Last flying lesson. Social gatherings, sometimes I force myself to attend them for the benefit of the person for whom it is given and do fairly well as long as I see an escape route when I need it. The last one of those was my Nephews College Graduation Party. I showed up after work, when most other people had already left and I left just as another group was arriving. But My presence at his party overwhelmed him, because I never attend such gatherings so he understood how much I was going through to be there for him which meant alot to him.

So I don't think you can overcome such problems but can learn to adapt to some of them or work around them so they dont interfere with too much of your life.

This thread wasn't about asexuality being an EXCUSE for anti-social behaviour. I was just curious if there was a correlation between the two, not as an excuse but more as a cause and effect.

I look at such introspections as a way to learn more about myself. Why I am who I am. Again not as an excuse but so that I can understand myself and in that way learn to circumvent weaknesses in myself. Like making my nephews day by attending his graduation or my nieces wedding. When I was young, I just would not have went. Now I can attend as long as I take certain precautions. That has come about by learning about myself.

Ok, I turn it back over to you. Sorry for butting in.

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So I don't think you can overcome such problems but can learn to adapt to some of them or work around them so they dont interfere with too much of your life.

Ok, I turn it back over to you. Sorry for butting in.

OK..a matter of semantics. :) If I have a stammer and have problems with certain words I learn to avoid those words by using alternatives. In this way I have overcome the problem even though I have not deleted the problem. We don't disagree..merely say things a different way.

By the way, I have every respect for your beliefs but Christ only gave TWO Commandments and hence his disciples could only teach two.. One..Love God with all thy heart and all thy soull and two..love thy neighbour as thyself". Not a word about changing thy neighbour..:)

Oh and no need to apologise for butting in..

regards

roddy

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This thread wasn't about asexuality being an EXCUSE for anti-social behaviour. I was just curious if there was a correlation between the two, not as an excuse but more as a cause and effect.

I definately think there is a correlation, but not a cause and effect, more like personality traits that are related and commanly found in the same person.

Like someone who is outgoing and friendly being also very interested in touching people, or someone who has a good sense of humor also being good a flirting. People are different enough that it's not always the case, but it's not surprising when it does happen.

And you can see these DNA traits in other areas of our lives as well, such as talents or activities we enjoy or learn easily:

Like people who are artistic can usually do more than one type of artsy thing well (singing AND acting, painting AND drawing) - or sportsy people who are good at mroe than one type of activity (running AND jumping, catching AND throwing)... or intelligent people who are good at both math AND science or writing AND debate....

These things are so commonly seen together that it's almost expected that someone who can play guitar can also sing - but it's not always the case. And traits that you don't expect to see together sometimes do happen - like the person who is good at math happening to draw well too.

I tend to think that sexual orientation is so complicated and varient in all it's range and possibilities that what we are likely to feel isn't identifyable by a single gene in our DNA, but rather a combination of a variety of traits that all work together to give us varying strengths of tendancies that are formed and shaped with hormones, individual experiences and our culture's socialization.

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regarding an "asexual country and/or island"....sure asexuals are all different, but having a country of purely asexuals would sure eliminate a lot of the things i find annoying in our culture. (the game playing to get laid, the sex in advertising, movies, songs, literature, etc) plus it would make finding a life partner not interested in sex a whole lot easier! i would be more comfortable letting my guard down because i wouldn't have to worry about a sexual alterior motive from another person. i LIKE the variety of different people's personalities/interests...just minus the sexual stuff. :D

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roddy9uk wrote:

By the way, I have every respect for your beliefs but Christ only gave TWO Commandments and hence his disciples could only teach two.. One..Love God with all thy heart and all thy soull and two..love thy neighbour as thyself". Not a word about changing thy neighbour..

Kewl. You got it. Jesus said, if you keep those 2 then you can't break any of the others. Can't steal if you love the person you are going to steal from. Can't commit adultry if you love the people that you are about to violate.

Then Jesus gave a New commandment. John 13:34-35: "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."

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OK, been thinking about this carefully - obviously, my answers aren't the same as Ziffler's because I'm not a Christian.

What I mean by "trying to change the world" is not standing outside the complicated thing called society (you can't, really). Nor is it acting out of self-pity from anything I might have experienced. It's more like, being one of the people within "society" who say, can't we do things differently in relation to this war or that injustice? Not because you expect anything to change, but because it's worth a try to keep the conversation open. In terms of sexual politics, being asexual but also lesbian and feminist, it means pointing to the fact that the human community ("society") is more interestingly complex than supposed. Again, keeping conversations open.

Maybe "campaigning" is just my "niche", the area where I often have my friends and feel like I know who I am. Don't want to prolong this as it is way off-topic from the thread. I think we are very different people and need to agree to differ!

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As an atheist, i find Roddy's meanderings irrelevant. That said, no one should use 'o me genes made me do this' because that's crap too. (Except in the relatively rare cases where your genes DO actually make you do things that are considered antisocial (Tourette's e.g.)

However, your genetic heritage, COMBINED with nurturing(or lack thereof), socialisation (ditto) and environment, frequently 'make' you a criminal - dont believe this?

I can show places here - and I'm sure you could show me places there-where matters change quite quickly-

the interventions that help have have absolutely zilch to do with any kind of religion and quite a lot to with nutritional supplements, anger management courses, self-defense courses for women, and neighbourhood watch.

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As an atheist, i find Roddy's meanderings irrelevant.
.

Then you are misreading me Islander as in fact I was simply replying to someone else's point using their own points of reference. Knowledge of religion/religious teachings need not imply belief in that religion (or any other).

That said, simply because advice is given by a religious leader it does not make that advice (or following the advice ) "religious". "Love thy neighbour as thyself" is simply good advice for anyone. It can be rephrased in modern terms as "Let the other fellow have the rights you claim for yourself"..ie rub along together.

It is nota commandment limited to one religion only. EVERY religion (even atheism) says the same thing in different words.

Only politicians claim the right to change others' views "for their own good". I remain as opposed to "social engineering" (however "good" the declared intent) as I am to social excuses. What we are is no one's fault. What we become is up to us alone and no-one else.

roddy

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I'm insecure about dealing with unknown quantities and new people. I hate having strangers trying to pry into my personal life. I tend to be very slow making friends and have few. I prefer routines and solitude for the most part.

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Hmm. I'm certainly extremely introverted and require minimal social interaction (not truly anti-social, nor would I say I'm shy), and while I'm competent socially, I can't really say I'm good at being such. I'd actually attribute this more to the introversion making me less inclined to seek out social contact, and thus not developing the skills to as high a degree as more extroverted people would simply as a matter of course.

Is my asexuality a factor in this? Probably so, since it's one less reason that I have to seek out other people and hone my social skills, but I don't think it's the dominant factor.

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