Can I be aromantic, fantasize and DON'T WANT my fantasizes/feelings?

[Aliengirl92]

I'm 100 % sure i'm asexsual, but what i am often very confused about is my romantic orientation.  I have for about 10 years ago (now i'm 26) have some fantasizes and feelings that make me very confused and very, very depressed and sad. I don't felt i was in love, first i fantasized about a girl that was my friend and after some time it started with fantasizes about a boy that  also was my friend, but the things i think was that i DON'T WANT these fantasizes about them and especially NOT with the boy.

At that time he wrote to me EVERY DAY and i started to don't answer him and in the end i send him angry messages, to tell him to stop all that writing to me. I could not have those fantasize in my head and it was like an evil nightmare i have at that time. So now we don't have any contact and maybe it's not fair but can it be an aromantic sign to feel and think that way? Anyone who broke the contact because of something like that or am i just completely crazy???

I very often se myself as an aro-ace but have not told some familiy or friends something about it yet. 

[iyote]

I'd call those intrusive thoughts, not fantasizing, given that you don't want them.  

Intrusive thoughts can happen to anyone and typically occur about things we DON'T want to do or think about doing.  For example, thinking of harming someone, even if you'd never do that.  I get intrusive thoughts too, and they suck.  

Apparently the best way to get rid of intrusive thoughts is to not let them control or affect you, without consciously trying to ignore them.  Just let the thoughts pass.  

Here's an article I found that might help: https://moodsmith.com/intrusive-thoughts/

It talks about what intrusive thoughts are and how to cope with them: 

Quote

If you have unwanted thoughts regarding your sexuality, you may avoid people, places or things that trigger your thoughts.

You need to learn to stop doing this, as even though the strategies that you have developed help you in the short term, they are not helpful long term, as they only serve to keep this cycle going.

 

[Retriarch]

I'd have to agree with iyote. If you don't want them, they'd be intrusive. I treat my intrusive thoughts (not about sex, but I imagine it works the same way) the same way I treat my anxieties, just telling myself 'Hey, you're having an intrusive thought. It doesn't symbolize you as a person.' After that, I try to do something to take my mind off the thought in question, such as listening to music or reading a book. You can power through it, it'll just take some practice. If you need more strategies, as stated, I'd treat it like anxiety. Look up mindfulness on google, good luck