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Is it the same?


YXSHINN

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Today I came across something quite interesting. I was reading a blog, the person was talking about how she is questioning her sexuality and all that, and then she mentioned that "being open to dating or engaging in romantic activities with a certain gender doesn't equal being attracted to them."

 

And I thought that was an absolute dealbreaker, because if that is so, then I might be aromantic after all.

 

I've been contemplating whether or not I was biromantic because of the fact that I said that I was open to dating girls.

 

Most people I've talked about it online suspect I'm in fact aromantic, but still some people think I might be demi-biromantic because they think I "haven't met the one yet" and haven't really "had a emotional connection with someone."

 

But my question was if you guys agree.

 

Does being open to dating a certain gender equal actual romantic attraction?

 

I'm curious of what you guys think.

 

Thanks in advance~

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Being open to it and actually falling in love or feeling that attraction is different. I know plenty of people who date with out liking or even 'loving' the other person. 

Those are just my thoughts but other people might think differently.

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andreas1033
1 hour ago, YXSHINN said:

Today I came across something quite interesting. I was reading a blog, the person was talking about how she is questioning her sexuality and all that, and then she mentioned that "being open to dating or engaging in romantic activities with a certain gender doesn't equal being attracted to them."

Yep, exactly. When your young, even though you have real doubts, you may leave it open, till you know its over.

 

Leaving it open when young, is not the same as wanting or liking others. You just left it open, to see what happens in your life. You can know your asexual when young, but you have to leave it open, to see how others liking you affect you, and see how it possibly changes your life.

 

Thankfully after a certain age, you become dead to people, if someone does not change your ideas on it. Thankfully for me, it was 21 years ago, i put my line in the sand, and said no female would have a chance anymore. No female since then have.

 

Leaving it open to age of 23, was enough for me. Although i never actively looked for a partner, i just left it open, as when your young, you do not know who will like you, and when.

 

So for me, being open to it when young, does not mean i fancied anyone, or liked anyone. I just left it open. No one changed my life and i was glad.

 

No one will ever know if someone could of changed my life, but it was only going to happen when i was young.

 

Thankfully after 1998(at 23 years old), for me, i just became totally dead to others liking me, and it was over.

 

So for me, leaving it open like you ask, is not the same, as saying you fancy this gender or that gender. You just leave it open, as you cannot know, when your young, ie teens, who will like you in your life, ad how this interaction will affect you.

 

Human interaction is far more complex, then people like to believe, especially when young, and you do not really appreciate how people interact.

 

So for me, i never fancied people or anyone. But that does not mean, that being asexual, and being like that, that someone could not affect you in a way, that gets past this, as human interaction is more complex, then just how you think you feel about others.

 

So i totally agree, that when your asexual, and leave it open when young, is not the same as saying, you fancy this gender, or that gender.

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I don't think the distinction is particularly important.  If you'll date people of your own sex, for all intents and purposes, you're gay (or bi or whatever).  I don't think it particularly matters whether you'd call it "attraction" or not.

 

Now if you're just stringing people along (of either sex) without actually being particularly interested in them, that doesn't make you "not attracted" to them, it just makes you kind of an asshole.

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8 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

I don't think the distinction is particularly important.  If you'll date people of your own sex, for all intents and purposes, you're gay (or bi or whatever).  I don't think it particularly matters whether you'd call it "attraction" or not.

 

Now if you're just stringing people along (of either sex) without actually being particularly interested in them, that doesn't make you "not attracted" to them, it just makes you kind of an asshole.

I guess that's true, but I was just talking about it from my own perspective.

 

I feel like in my head I could date both genders, however in real life I don't feel like I'm attracted to anyone. That's why when I came across this, I got curious.

 

But you're totally right!

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