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1 in 3 women experience pain during intercourse

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Phoenix the II

Let's keep the thread on topic, and leave personal insults out.

 

Phoenix the II

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anamikanon
2 minutes ago, chandrakirti said:

@anamikanon and @RocknRoll_Doll I extend my apologies on behalf of the decent people of the UK. We're not all the same. But hey! I'm female, so...

lol. Don't do that. Last thing the world needs is women embarrassed and apologizing on behalf of crass men tripping on their own anatomies. 

 

They are all grown up. They can handle their own PR.

 

Pretty sure it isn't an issue limited to UK.

 

On a geeky note, there is some evidence that testosterone causes this sort of a .... handicap. Difficulty managing aggression, articulation when under stress, etc. So maybe we can blame biology all the way...

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chandrakirti

 

4 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

On a geeky note, there is some evidence that testosterone causes this sort of a .... handicap. Difficulty managing aggression, articulation when under stress, etc. So maybe we can blame biology all the way...

Haha! @anamikanon...I've been there and done that with the hormone thing...AVEN doesn't believe in science!

 

I was only apologising for the decent people ..not the rest! 😄

 

Anyhow, let's do what the good mod says and get on with the main points of this very relevant thread.

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Telecaster68
12 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

On a geeky note, there is some evidence that testosterone causes this sort of a .... handicap. Difficulty managing aggression, articulation when under stress, etc. So maybe we can blame biology all the way...

Great.

 

Do I get to blame any women disagreeing with me on their period coming?

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anamikanon
5 minutes ago, chandrakirti said:

Anyhow, let's do what the good mod says and get on with the main points of this very relevant thread.

yep.

 

Coming to the point of the OP,

 

From the bumper rings, I remembered something I'd tried once. The woman crossing her legs during man on top (can probably be done if less easily with woman on top too). Or simply keeping legs inside the mans. It dramatically reduces the depth of the penetration, plus gives the man a "tighter" feeling or something, because I remember the man in question enjoying it very much - as in didn't get a sense of him being "need to go deeper, not satisfied". Not quite a bumper ring, but an erotic and handy way to reduce penetration if you are "cervix ouch" in the moment and don't have bumper rings or any other quick fix alternative. Can probably be done spontaneously and your lover may not even think much about it beyond an experimental position - for those who hesitate to say such things.

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anamikanon
4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Great.

 

Do I get to blame any women disagreeing with me on their period coming?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3517487/Blame-hormones-Higher-levels-testosterone-explain-men-aren-t-caring-empathetic-women.html

 

Among many, many results on the subject, which I won't be discussing with you while your cigar is this lit.

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Phoenix the II

Thread locked for cooldown until this forums moderator can look into it.

 

Phoenix the II

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iff

Reopening this thread. Please avoid any personal attacks, insults.

 

Iff,

Moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies

 

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anamikanon

With regard to the OP, I guess a lack of sexual desire may make ordinary discomforts of PIV harder to bear. For example, when intercourse goes on too long, there is often minor discomfort even for sexual women, but their own arousal and interest in sex makes them ignore it while it isn't too bad. It is quite common/normal for women to feel "pleasurably sore"* after sex, for example. I base this assumption on having felt it as well as it being a relatively common mention in erotic novels - for example. Slight pain can also be erotic for many women.

 

In constrast, for an asexual, there is no desire for sex driving them - or distracting from the discomfort. So the addition of discomfort to already not being interested in the activity probably has the opposite effect - pain caused by something you don't want to begin with - may feel worse. In comparison, non PIV sex usually won't cause discomfort that could - say - be felt the next day (for an arbitrary "measure" of how uncomfortable). Most other skin is way less fragile and oral sex will rarely have the sort of force PIV can.

 

Edit: * Pleasurably sore is a judgment of sorts. Sore is sore, but because it isn't unbearable and because it is caused by something we enjoyed, it has a pleasurable association. The soreness serves to remind of sexual enjoyment.

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anamikanon

We have, in the past used this "sore psychology" to good effect to space out sexual interactions. My ace having a large penis, rough sex or sex that goes on too long does cause me soreness as described earlier. But being used to associating it with being sexually satisfied, I have noticed that the discomfort helps me not want sex as often. I haven't noticed this in other relationships, so it could be the conditions of this one. My partner's size combined with me being aware that he doesn't want sex as often as me making me more sensitive to possible deterrents.

 

(and no, the discomfort isn't that bad and is a whole lot of fun creating 😁)

 

He had instinctively also used this "sore psychology" on his end to offer rougher than usual sex when he is leaving town, so that the feeling stayed with me after he was gone as well. He had nailed it surprisingly well. It was a pleasant reminder.

 

I imagine the effect would be the exact opposite for an asexual. The lasting discomfort of sex.

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ryn2
1 hour ago, anamikanon said:

Pleasurably sore is a judgment of sorts. Sore is sore, but because it isn't unbearable and because it is caused by something we enjoyed, it has a pleasurable association. The soreness serves to remind of sexual enjoyment.

Agreed, that’s true of other things as all.  Soreness after a hard workout can be a satisfying reminder that you made it to the gym, e.g., whereas the exact same soreness after the dog pulled you along in pursuit of a squirrel or you almost fell after a rude stranger shoved past you on a crowded walkway is going to feel (mentally and even physically) completely different.

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uhtred

I think that there are a very wide range of situations.  There are many women who enjoy PIV including finding it physically pleasurable and under normal situations not at all unpleasant or painful.  There are many reasons some experience pain and this can range from mild discomfort to extreme pain.  

 

There can be an underlying medical issue. This can be anything from an infection to a physical irregularity in the anatomy.

 

There can be a bad feedback where after a period of abstinence, sex becomes uncomfortable, so it is avoided, and the problem gets worse.

 

There can be a lack of lubrication, either natural or due to a lack of foreplay.

 

There can be a lack of arousal  - either due to  a lack of attraction / libido, or a partners behavior.

 

The male partner can be rough / unskilled. 

 

There can be size incompatibility issue. This can be length - hitting the cervix, or width casing painful stretching. 

 

There can be a self-reinforcing dislike  / fear of sex which causes the woman to expect pain, which makes it worse.

 

There can be negative reaction toward sex which will make it unpleasant - this can be for a wide variety of reasons. 

 

Probably a bunch more I'm not thinking of. 

 

 

 

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anamikanon

The compulsive geek and sexual in me of course wants to deconstruct it so that it can be addressed.

 

In my mind (of course, being sexual, probably), there isn't really a clear delineation between sex and non-sex. And sexual interaction itself includes a whole range of things - many of which have comfortably fit in my ace's comfort zone, even enjoyment zone, even as he adamantly (or rather, naturally) refuses to see any value in sex itself for him.

 

I think understanding the causes can help resolve this kind of discomfort or at least reduce it dramatically. 

 

In our relationship, my sexual experience pretty much had us to a point where sex was enjoyable for both. Was it "normal"? No. But then no two relationships are the same, so I thought nothing of it. I thought he naturally had low libido, which actually, he doesn't - he used to masturbate on a pretty frequent basis in phases and probably still does again now that he isn't trying to turn all masturbation into sex. The limited enjoyment he got - and NO DISCOMFORT - for him was all there was to sex. We wouldn't even have realized that he was asexual if he hadn't moved in and the prospect of sex suddenly seemed frequent. And yet, now that we are settled in a far lesser frequency than either of us anticipated, it is enjoyable again.

 

I think the experience and sensitivity of a sexual partner can make a pretty big difference when it comes to bridging a mismatch. And a flexible/low libido probably helps too.

 

My thinking is that aversion also has to come from somewhere. Not being interested in sex would be indifference. Aversion would have other reasons.

 

I think it could be interesting to hear from asexuals who are able to make it work on what helped and more importantly, what made them averse to risking an attempt - fear of being pushed beyond consent or creating expectations would be my guess. Mine, sadly isn't very profound on this. He is like "I don't mind" - there isn't a whole lot of detail. He does get sore on occasion. If he feels sore, he refuses and that is that. No upset/trauma, that kind of thing. Doesn't make him averse when he isn't sore. Probably because I've never tried to make him have sex if uncomfortable. He used to get averse on occasion if he had other stresses and didn't have the bandwidth to make the effort. But since "no" always worked, I don't think it crystalized into something harder - caution, aversion, a default of refusal, etc. I do think if I had pushed, he would get averse. He didn't, so this is just a gut feel.

 

I'm just guessing. But I find this important as a sexual in a relationship with an ace, such insight is going to help keep us good or help save us if we derail.

 

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Nowhere Girl
3 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Agreed, that’s true of other things as all.  Soreness after a hard workout can be a satisfying reminder that you made it to the gym, e.g., whereas the exact same soreness after the dog pulled you along in pursuit of a squirrel or you almost fell after a rude stranger shoved past you on a crowded walkway is going to feel (mentally and even physically) completely different.

Absolutely. I definitely feel satisfied if my muscles are sore after workout because it means I worked out hard enough.

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ryn2
1 hour ago, anamikanon said:

I'm just guessing. But I find this important as a sexual in a relationship with an ace, such insight is going to help keep us good or help save us if we derail.

There’s also the potential for some emotional component (that it sounds like your partner isn’t experiencing).  If having sex is emotionally upsetting - you feel like you’re letting yourself down, you’re doing it because you’re afraid of getting dumped, etc. - then lingering discomfort (even mild) reminds you of that rather than of something fun and positive.

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knittinghistorian
On 3/8/2019 at 9:39 AM, ryn2 said:

Agreed, that’s true of other things as all.  Soreness after a hard workout can be a satisfying reminder that you made it to the gym, e.g., whereas the exact same soreness after the dog pulled you along in pursuit of a squirrel or you almost fell after a rude stranger shoved past you on a crowded walkway is going to feel (mentally and even physically) completely different.

I sometimes get sore abs and legs after doing ballet exercises, and it’s a “good soreness”.  Or the tiredness in your legs after a nice long hike. Very true!

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anamikanon
On 3/13/2019 at 5:40 AM, knittinghistorian said:

I sometimes get sore abs and legs after doing ballet exercises, and it’s a “good soreness”.  Or the tiredness in your legs after a nice long hike. Very true!

Soreness after sex is like that for us. I have been all kinds of sore over the decades I've been sexually active, I have yet to be an "unpleasant sore". Even when it is painful to the point of ouch peeing or not wanting sex for a while, the soreness is pleasant. Go figure.

 

*This excludes the marital rape which was thoroughly unpleasant even without soreness, but I don't count that as my "sex life".

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ryn2
1 hour ago, anamikanon said:

Go figure.

I think having it remind you of something you feel positive about (versus something you don’t) makes a big difference in how you experience the discomfort, even if the nature and degree of discomfort are really otherwise identical.

 

Even something you only feel indirectly positive about (e.g., straining a muscle because the dog chased a squirrel, when you still know overall that walking the dog is part of having a happy dog... and you love dogs and want to treat yours right) isn’t nearly as good as something you feel directly positive towards (the same strain from the first day working out in a while).

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KrystalLost

Pff, this is why I stick to pegging, less painful and messy for me. 

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James121

1 in 3 woman experience pain....

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t think so

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