Question for asexuals who have roommates

[Light02]

Hey, everyone, I have quite a few questions I'm curious about. You can answer them if you want to and it doesn't have to be all of them. Or you can just share your thoughts on this topic in a general sense.

 

1) If you're asexual and you live with one or more people who aren't, how do/would you feel about your roommate(s) having sex? 

 

2) Would you be repulsed if you heard noises (it'd be interesting if you specify whether you're sex-repulsed, neutral or favorable for this question)? Has this happened to you in the past and if so, how did you feel?

 

3) If you did hear something would you ignore it? Would you try to distract yourself and maybe listen to loud music or plug your ears, etc.? Would you maybe tell your roommate to tone it down?

 

4) Would you leave the flat for a while to give them time to finish? If so, would you be doing it for your sake, theirs or both?

 

5) Would you talk to them about it, afterwards or maybe prior if you knew their partner was coming over, especially for an extended period of time? Would you maybe have "requests", like for example, asking them to only have sex when they know you'll be outside for a few hours or something?

 

6) Would you be annoyed/upset/angry? If so, would you feel justified and would you feel entitled to make certain "demands", like in the examples I gave above?

 

7) Would you acknowledge this whole thing with them or would you just try to ignore it to the best of your ability? How would you feel and react if your roommate brought it up and asked you something related to the topic?

 

8) Would this change your feelings about your roommate in anyway?

[Ennis]

I live in a flatshare. One of my two flatmates has a partner who stays over every other week or so. I've never heard anything, which is great. If I did, I would probably play some music. It wouldn't be nice hearing them having sex but unless it's very loud I'd just accept it. It's not my place to tell them when or how to have sex and I'd probably be way too embarrassed to bring it up anyway.

 

[Panic]

I live with 4 boys, only one of them being in a relationship. I have heard them in the past, but luckily not often!
I don't mind it, I'm not repulsed and we're all adults and I'm not offended that they can enjoy sex. Normally I'll just ignore it and continue whatever I was doing, maybe put some headphones on. I wouldn't be upset or angry, or wish for them to not do it just because there are other people in the house. I have mentioned it to my housemates partner before, we're quite good friends, and we laughed it off (although she was a little embarrassed). I'm happy to see them happy.

[Alejandrogynous]

I've had many roommates over the years, one of which was a professional Dom. I've heard (and seen) a lot of sex. It really doesn't phase me unless it's blatantly inconsiderate, like slamming headboards in the middle of the night or directly inconveniencing me in some way. Like I had this one roommate who liked to get frisky with her boyfriend on the living room couch but would then yell at me if I walked in on them. We fought over that because I don't care what you do, but I'm also not going to hold my bladder until you're done screwing just because you can't do it in your own bedroom. 

 

Generally though, it's no big deal. If I don't feel like hearing it I'll put in headphones, but otherwise it's just background noise. I'm not sex-repulsed, though. 

 

EDIT: I should clarify, none of those bad experiences were from the Dom roommate. He was very respectful of our shared space and we got along great.

[SithLord]

Don't have roommates currently but used to so I'll comment based on that.

 

1) I don't mind the idea of it, but I'd prefer to not be part of it or witness it.

 

2) I'm sex neutral. I don't think I'd be too freaked out with the noises unless they were at a disturbing level. 

 

3) I'd plug in headphones or use something else to drown it out. Or I'd remove myself from the situation. I'm pretty nonconfrontational.

 

4) I'd leave for my sake. If they chose to not ask me to remove myself from the apartment and therefore it wouldn't be for them.

 

5) Hmmm. Never had that situation but I imagine it would only matter if I knew they were loud and would disturb me enough to me to want to leave the apartment. Again, I'd probably just bitch about it to myself or others but do nothing about it. This was what I did whenever my roommates had loud friends over and I needed to study, so there's precedence. 

Actually, I might leave a note for them to find with the request so I could ask without actually having to talk to them in person. I have issues.

 

6) If I felt their actions kicked me out of my apartment, even if I didn't bring it up with them, then yes I'd be pissed. It's a failing of mine that I often just stew in my own emotions over something before attempting to talk about it. 

 

7) I'd ignore it. I would only bring it up if they or someone else brought it up in conversation. 

 

8) It would sway my emotions towards the negative but if I liked them otherwise, hell no. 

 

 

I actually did walk in on my roommate having sex with her partner once. It was a cheap apartment connected to the university and there were no doors, so I literally walked into the apartment after going home for the weekend and could see them from the front door. They freaked out, I backed out. They got dressed and left because I couldn't just leave since I didn't have a car and I had been dropped off with stuff I needed to take inside. Hated her for other reasons but I was so thankful she wasn't a bitch about that. 

[Firefly8]

1) I don't care

2) I'd prefer to not know, but I'm not repulsed or sex negative. This happened once and I didn't know what I was hearing at first. Then I felt awkward like I shouldn't even be in the flat right now. But then I realized that I'm paying to live there and deserved to be there and it's on them to feel weird about it. 

3) I would put on headphones if staying awake or ear plugs if trying to sleep. If it bothered me beyond that I would bring it up and offer suggestions for compromise.

4) I would stay and do my thing. I don't care. If anyone is to feel weird about it they should, but that's on them; I'm just going to be doing my normal routine because it's my place too. 

5) I wouldn't unless it bothered me enough that it is interfering with my routine. If they want me to change my routine to accomidate them then they can bring up the topic and we can then negotiate that.

6) Again, I don't care that much unless it is interfering with my routine (keeping me awake, can't focus on work, etc). If it did then we would negotiate the best compromise for both of us.

7) See above, and if they brought it up I would say something reflecting the above.

8) If it was loud or "in my face" enough to bother me then that roommate is definitely being inconsiderate and I would think less of them for being inconsiderate. If they were in their room and trying to be relatively quiet then I would just know they were sexual person like most people, which doesn't make me think less of them as a person (of course).