demiromatic rant (warning for general negativity)

[TheLonelyStoryteller]

Hello, this is my first post and I'm sorry if it's breaking any rules, from what I've read it shouldn't? But you can never be too careful so here we go.

 

I really need to get some things off my chest about how being demiromantic has been affecting my life, and hopefully this is the best place to do that.

 

I honestly feel like I will never find love. All my live I've only ever fallen in love for people who at the time were among my closest friends, "best friend" level, I'd say. And that has never went well - usually we've been able to keep the friendship regardless and for that I'm so, so grateful, but no one was ever in the position to return my feelings - the first time it happened, it was with a much older friend when I was 13 who for very obvious reasons thankfully shot me down, then it was a friend who thought of me as a "little brother" and thus found it extremely weird, then an ex best friend who just couldn't return my feelings because he's heteroromantic, and right now I'm hopelessly and painfully in love with my current best friend who's very much taken (and no hope for them to ever break up, they consider each other soulmates and - it's not even like I want them to break up, in my rational mind I know that they're happy and that's the most important thing, I would absolutely never wish for them to part just to interject with my own feelings, and if they ever did break up I would definitely not make any passes at him unless he came to me first and I was sure he wasn't just acting out of loneliness/desperation/heartbreak) and honestly it's just so painful and tiring.

I have never gotten any "crushes", I've had relationships in the past but they were always one sided and unfulfilling, it's always 0 to 100 where I'm either purely platonic with someone or horribly and madly in love to the point where it often worries me it might be unhealthy. And honestly, I am satisfied with the platonic relationships that I have - all my friends are very open minded so all my platonic/affectionate needs are well taken care of (and being ace with a low sex drive that other aspect really doesn't concern me almost at all), but still it's terribly painful and I just. I wish for once I could be able to feel that, to have my feelings returned and be in a mutually romantic relationship for once. I guess the only way I could possibly find love would be with a fellow demiromantic, but I'm extremely socially anxious and am overwhelmed as it is with my current friend circle, making new friends is an extremely taxing and long process for me, and what even would be the chance of finding another demiromantic person and that we'd become such close enough friends to both fall in love? With every rejection I've had I'm honestly surprised I haven't given up already. It really feels like I should just make peace with the idea that romantic love is just not for me, and that I'll never be loved back by someone I'm interested in.

 

This was probably a horribly written mess, I'm sorry, and I'm sure I wasn't able to convey even a quarter of the loneliness and isolation that I feel right in this moment, but I just really needed to get this out there to someone who might have some more insight into the matter (talking to my closest friends is out of the matter since the one friend I mostly open up to is the one I'm currently in love with, and while he does know and we are close enough to have this conversation, I don't want to make him feel guilty or as if I'm holding my feelings against him in any way, this is purely my problem and he shouldn't have to deal with it just because I've very inconveniently fallen for him)

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I joined the community due to feelings of loneliness and isolation because I don't know any other Asexuals in real life, so I know how that feels even though I'm Aromantic and have never had or desired a romantic relationship.

 

Have you thought about dating other Asexuals who are also Demiromantic, in the hopes that those feelings develop over time?

There are Asexual dating sites like this one, https://www.asexualcupid.com/

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[Littlemermaid223]

On 2/27/2019 at 12:46 PM, TheLonelyStoryteller said:

Hello, this is my first post and I'm sorry if it's breaking any rules, from what I've read it shouldn't? But you can never be too careful so here we go.

 

I really need to get some things off my chest about how being demiromantic has been affecting my life, and hopefully this is the best place to do that.

 

I honestly feel like I will never find love. All my live I've only ever fallen in love for people who at the time were among my closest friends, "best friend" level, I'd say. And that has never went well - usually we've been able to keep the friendship regardless and for that I'm so, so grateful, but no one was ever in the position to return my feelings - the first time it happened, it was with a much older friend when I was 13 who for very obvious reasons thankfully shot me down, then it was a friend who thought of me as a "little brother" and thus found it extremely weird, then an ex best friend who just couldn't return my feelings because he's heteroromantic, and right now I'm hopelessly and painfully in love with my current best friend who's very much taken (and no hope for them to ever break up, they consider each other soulmates and - it's not even like I want them to break up, in my rational mind I know that they're happy and that's the most important thing, I would absolutely never wish for them to part just to interject with my own feelings, and if they ever did break up I would definitely not make any passes at him unless he came to me first and I was sure he wasn't just acting out of loneliness/desperation/heartbreak) and honestly it's just so painful and tiring.

I have never gotten any "crushes", I've had relationships in the past but they were always one sided and unfulfilling, it's always 0 to 100 where I'm either purely platonic with someone or horribly and madly in love to the point where it often worries me it might be unhealthy. And honestly, I am satisfied with the platonic relationships that I have - all my friends are very open minded so all my platonic/affectionate needs are well taken care of (and being ace with a low sex drive that other aspect really doesn't concern me almost at all), but still it's terribly painful and I just. I wish for once I could be able to feel that, to have my feelings returned and be in a mutually romantic relationship for once. I guess the only way I could possibly find love would be with a fellow demiromantic, but I'm extremely socially anxious and am overwhelmed as it is with my current friend circle, making new friends is an extremely taxing and long process for me, and what even would be the chance of finding another demiromantic person and that we'd become such close enough friends to both fall in love? With every rejection I've had I'm honestly surprised I haven't given up already. It really feels like I should just make peace with the idea that romantic love is just not for me, and that I'll never be loved back by someone I'm interested in.

 

This was probably a horribly written mess, I'm sorry, and I'm sure I wasn't able to convey even a quarter of the loneliness and isolation that I feel right in this moment, but I just really needed to get this out there to someone who might have some more insight into the matter (talking to my closest friends is out of the matter since the one friend I mostly open up to is the one I'm currently in love with, and while he does know and we are close enough to have this conversation, I don't want to make him feel guilty or as if I'm holding my feelings against him in any way, this is purely my problem and he shouldn't have to deal with it just because I've very inconveniently fallen for him)

I feel your pain. The only person I have ever felt romantic towards never had any of those feelings for me and is now married with kids... 😶