Anonymous123456 Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 2 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: I agree, and it also seems to me that it's more common than average for AVEN posters to seem averse or just less likely to form emotionally intimate relationships, whether that's due to anxiety, social awkwardness or whatever, and that would in turn naturally make wanting sex less likely. It's a chicken and egg question. I would definitely agree with all those points. From reading posts it seems that most of us have felt out-of-place or have had bad relationship experiences etc. Link to post Share on other sites
HazyWept Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 25 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: I was thinking about whether someone would hold back from emotional intimacy because it might raise the expectation of sexual intimacy, or they held back from sexual intimacy because they never have feelings of emotional intimacy in the first place. So true 32 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said: Not feeling good enough, doing the wrong thing. PTSD, constant bullying in childhood/adolescence. I crave it, but scared. I want hugs, but only when you're really close. And close is hard to get by. I feel like this so much. There have been so many men that try to take my clothes off and I run I hope I can meet someone I can cuddle with one day as long as I can keep my underwear on i shouldn’t be as scared maybe idk I’ve never had a boyfriend nor girlfriend before @Quasar.w I understand this I won’t hurt you you’re safe here I’m sure praying for you Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 YES! Definitedly! Link to post Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 5 hours ago, MaybeIBelongSomewhere said: I feel like this so much. There have been so many men that try to take my clothes off and I run I hope I can meet someone I can cuddle with one day as long as I can keep my underwear on i shouldn’t be as scared maybe idk I’ve never had a boyfriend nor girlfriend before I noticed you list your pronoun as 'safety'. And I think part of 'safety' is being able to set your rboundaries, both emotional and sexual, without shame and have that cuddlebuddy feel sooo much for you that they'd rather die an emotional death than to crash yours. To 'learn' each other so as to understand why your boundaries are part of the feeling of being safe with someone. But I think that takes more willpower than a lot of people can muster, and often they feel something is expected and think they have to give in or end up alone. For me, every single time I 'gave in', I felt unsafe and that I gave too much away. That either my boundaries were crashed or I felt like I made a devil's bargain to get a little closeness. It's been over 30 years for me, and I have no regrets about being sexually repulsed and having to be alone because of it. But I guess you never stop dreaming, thinking that someone may someday come along who can make you feel special without the sex act. Because soooo many times, for me, that's what if felt like..... that it was all an act, part of trading sex for love, and that that was just the way of the world and you better get used to it or end up alone. I chose alone. I just remember that feeling soo often-- "I really don't want to do this." I set my boundaries and I learned to live with them. Link to post Share on other sites
HazyWept Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 27 minutes ago, Calligraphette_Coe said: I noticed you list your pronoun as 'safety'. And I think part of 'safety' is being able to set your rboundaries, both emotional and sexual, without shame and have that cuddlebuddy feel sooo much for you that they'd rather die an emotional death than to crash yours. To 'learn' each other so as to understand why your boundaries are part of the feeling of being safe with someone. But I think that takes more willpower than a lot of people can muster, and often they feel something is expected and think they have to give in or end up alone. For me, every single time I 'gave in', I felt unsafe and that I gave too much away. That either my boundaries were crashed or I felt like I made a devil's bargain to get a little closeness. It's been over 30 years for me, and I have no regrets about being sexually repulsed and having to be alone because of it. But I guess you never stop dreaming, thinking that someone may someday come along who can make you feel special without the sex act. Because soooo many times, for me, that's what if felt like..... that it was all an act, part of trading sex for love, and that that was just the way of the world and you better get used to it or end up alone. I chose alone. I just remember that feeling soo often-- "I really don't want to do this." I set my boundaries and I learned to live with them. This moves me so much. I’ve experienced so much not so great things. If they could want me for my mind and be satisfied with being able to sleep with other people why can’t I find that safety I’d be willing to give anyone? Just for a chance to find the real thing. Why is it it’s looked as weakness and a burden my Aceness isn’t forced upon them they chase when they hear virgin like I will decide to fuck to know for sure I hadn’t ever felt safe enough to try yet just assaulted🥺 I’m sorry you experienced hardships I’m praying for you. One day we will all find that respect and saftey Link to post Share on other sites
litanies Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 On 2/24/2019 at 10:40 AM, MaybeIBelongSomewhere said: Beautifully put. When I was being abused for months I kept in mind a motto Pain is temporary and it helped me through every time they hit me @litanies forgot to tell you that. I’ve built a higher tolerance for pain. A higher tolerance for pain and a lower tolerance for abuse. A good combination Link to post Share on other sites
HazyWept Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 6 minutes ago, litanies said: A higher tolerance for pain and a lower tolerance for abuse. A good combination *hugs* 🌹🖤🥰🥴 Link to post Share on other sites
Goonie Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 going with a yes on this one Link to post Share on other sites
Zhuangzi Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Ha! I have no idea what love is. (I answered no by that way.) Link to post Share on other sites
JinglesTheMighty Posted June 4, 2019 Share Posted June 4, 2019 No, I've attempted to have two relationships one ended with sexual assault the other I got rejected and it sent me to a dark place for years. Still just getting out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
wirewalker Posted June 5, 2019 Share Posted June 5, 2019 Yes. True love brings us joy and happiness like nothing else I can think of. This includes friendship and family love! To me those are at least as wonderful as romantic love. Link to post Share on other sites
Nirnroot Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 I learned a lot from falling in love, even though she never loved me back and in the end broke my heart. I learned a lot and wouldn't undo it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nidwin Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 I don't experience love. Love is an abstraction for me. I know it exists but it's an unknown or impossible to know thing for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Cat7 Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 Wow, this is a very good question. It really got me thinking. Although I had a lot of negative relationship experiences, I would answer this question with a "Yes". Love is the most important thing to me and it would really bother me, if I would have never loved. Love is such a natural part of me. I can't imagine living without love. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkStormyKnight Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 Ugh I have such a hard time with this question. I think in general yes love is good and important and I think typically I would have picked "yes" on the question. But after having been in a manipulative relationship for a couple years... I couldn't really bring myself to do it. It just brought so much hurt into my life and while I don't personally regret any decisions that I made and I've managed to come to terms with it, I still can't shake the feeling that I would have been better off without it. Guess I still have some healing to do, haha. Link to post Share on other sites
kenny. Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 depends. i'm thinking about this more in the platonic sense, but i think it still works... i chose no, simply because i tend to distance myself from people anyway, and i'm usually fine with that. however, having loved and lost creates a really unique feeling that many can connect to, and what many would describe as something very "human". to me, it seems like a feeling vs no feeling kind of choice, so i'm really not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Balance Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 Personally I wouldnt say "at least I have good memories of whoever", because if it was destroyed with manipulation, betrayal, lies, etc, then any of those memories are destroyed too. There are many memories I'd just rather delete because they're no longer good memories, but I can't since I'm supposedly not a computer. In certain situations I would've preferred not having those relationships of whatever type at all, rather than have to block out those memories. Link to post Share on other sites
cosmosredshift7 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 tbh i wish i had never dated some people, but my past relationships have opened my eyes to what i ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want in a partner so ¯\_(ಠ_ಠ)_/¯ Link to post Share on other sites
communityabed Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 Count me in the NO team. I suffer from BPD and every unrequited crush I have had has taken away years of my life. The pain is too hard to bear. Link to post Share on other sites
IceQueenn Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 Yes it's better. Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 On 1/25/2020 at 5:34 PM, communityabed said: Count me in the NO team. I suffer from BPD and every unrequited crush I have had has taken away years of my life. The pain is too hard to bear. This is so close to home. I was going to say "yes", though. Link to post Share on other sites
communityabed Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 7 hours ago, kiaroskuro said: This is so close to home. I was going to say "yes", though. So finally which side did you pick? Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 17 hours ago, communityabed said: So finally which side did you pick? Now that you mention it, I realise I haven't voted yet ... So, my answer would be "yes". But I definitely know where you're coming from. I wouldn't wish my high sensitivity upon anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I voted yes. I had a romantic relationship, I don't regret it, but it isn't for me. I don't think you need to try to know it isn't right, but having close friends is important, and you can never really tell where the thing turns into romance or just close friendship. Despite being mostly a pessimist, I think it is important to try. If I have another friendship that develops further, I'll go with it, but I'm not expecting that to ever happen. Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Loss feels far worse than never having. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 As difficult as loss is, life is unbearable without love. As an aromantic I'm talking about familial love and friend love but my statement extends to romantic love as well. Though the only love you really need is self-love. Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 3 hours ago, CBC said: I know I said a year ago in this thread something like I'd finally come to believe that it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all... and nothing much in my personal circumstances had changed in that year... but honesty it's still hard for me not to think this way. Somehow at my core that feels more right to me. Even though love is a beautiful experience. Maybe because it is. Overwhelmingly so at times. I take loss of any significant sort really hard and struggle to recover from it. Things I lose take a part of me with them when they go. And I assume that's not healthy, but that how I'm wired. I feel pain deeply. So I don't know anymore. A part of me still agrees that losing love is worse. I think it means your perfectly healthy because we’re supposed to have those feelings of deep crippling pain when lose someone we cherish. It’s not healthy to push away our emotions. That’s why I think I’m the unhealthy one, I don’t let any get close because I’m to scared of that pain. 😅 Link to post Share on other sites
Ashmedai Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 I suppose it could depend on cntext, and on the person Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 @grigor1860 This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organisation, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them. iff, Census Forum Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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