Anonymous123456 Posted February 24, 2019 Author Share Posted February 24, 2019 17 minutes ago, MaybeIBelongSomewhere said: Hey I appreciate you awesome one. I pray to learn how to live free and fast lol I hope to become a stronger person and hold on tight to my sanity i will be going back to school for pediatric nursing because I think kids are beautiful and should be protected also for music production when I can afford it. That’s just great! Take care of yourself and stay strong ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
HazyWept Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 1 minute ago, grigor1860 said: That’s just great! Take care of yourself and stay strong ❤️ 🥰🖤🥴🌹 thank you homie Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous123456 Posted February 24, 2019 Author Share Posted February 24, 2019 Just now, CBC said: Thanks Yeah, I'm now dealing with the pain and frustration of a lot of regret. It's not hard to lose many years of your life to fear if you're an innately fearful and sensitive person. And then (with any luck), somewhere along the way, you realise how much you're hurting yourself through your avoidance, and how futile it really is. And then as well as learning an almost entirely new way to live, you have to learn how to forgive yourself. I'm not good at that last bit, admittedly. Me neither I blame myself for most everything that goes wrong. Mostly because I am to blame lol. You make an excellent point. Link to post Share on other sites
Ennis Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 2 minutes ago, CBC said: how much you're hurting yourself through your avoidance So true! I can really relate to that bit. Your words really touched me, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Shiloh_Rose Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 Cats, yes. Dunno about people. Admittedly I thought this was going to actually be a sort of spoof post about a Star Trek song. Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous123456 Posted February 24, 2019 Author Share Posted February 24, 2019 Just now, Shiloh_Rose said: Cats, yes. Dunno about people. Admittedly I thought this was going to actually be a sort of spoof post about a Star Trek song. I’m inclined to agree with you about the cats part Link to post Share on other sites
andreas1033 Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 My answer is, i am glad, i never had one single girls, or females brain stuck in my brain all my life. Thats my answer to this question personally. All that stuff can haunt you, and i am glad, i never knew one single girls, or females full name, that it would forever haunt my conscious mind. Thats the answer i have for that question. I have nothing to look back on, and i am glad. Some may think its sad, but i am glad it worked out that way. Thats my answer. I sort of never answered, but i also answered in the only way i know how to answer this question. I bet a persons name, can haunt alot of your peoples minds, ie stimulating memories, and your connection you made with who ever. All that stuff can be very haunting to your mind, ie loving someone, and losing them, as everyone mostly does. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 I answered no because that must be awful..especially if you still love the person but can't have them. Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 I voted yes. The reason losing a loved one, be it pets, people etc etc hurts is because of how special the love made you feel in the first place. We feel the sadness because of the love we shared Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 Ultimately, we will all pass on and be lost to this world. Flip it around and think of it this way. Would you rather not form strong relationships with a person out of fear that they will lose you, or enjoy your companionship with them while you have that chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Polygon Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 I'd vote yes, I guess? Every type of relationship is an important experience, even if it ends (maybe even especially if it ends) badly. I mean, the only alternative is having no connection to anyone or anything whatsoever, which would just be a massive bummer, imo. I don't know... it seems like it would be really bad practice to form connections with people/things and assume that it should last forever or else it's in vain... that's a rough way of looking at the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 It's better to be lucky in love, because if you're unlucky, you'll always be the one to be betrayed. And that will haunt you like the worst ghost you can imagine. So if the gods of evolutionary psychology don't 'shine their face upon you', don't 'bless you and keep you', you will always be among the walking wounded. You're always on your own, and you might as well find out the first time that as nice as unconditional love sounds? You won't find it in this life. Link to post Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 2 minutes ago, CBC said: I'm truly not sure what you're trying to say. It's like getting a tattoo of your One True Love's name. And then finding out what a colossal boner THAT was later on. You risk betrayal _every_ time, and if you're on the wrong side of good looks, you might as well resign yourself to being becalmed in hell. Read WHoppi Goldberg's book, "If Someone Says, 'You Complete me'...... RUN!" I guess you have to be as cynical as I am to have given up and realize that.... "Nobody's coming to rescue me from being alone... and after a few decades of it? I don't have a problem with that ." Does that clear it up? If not, just a word of Whoppie's advice "GET THE PRE-NUP". And don't use the 'bitter' talisman on me. I'm utterly immune. Link to post Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 1 hour ago, CBC said: Ok, gotcha. Just curious. I'm not about to declare you bitter. You do you. Thank you. You know what's ironic? I just ADORE chick flicks. And I almost get the least less cynical when I see an old lesbian couple who have been together forever, knowing full well they prolly had to put up with a lot of crap from the fundies around here, but are devoted to each other always seem like best friends to each other. They probably passed through Lesbian Bed Death together and are still together. You gotta respect that! Link to post Share on other sites
andreas1033 Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 Just remember your pearls of wisdom, is only your understanding of you believe to be reality. lol What you think is meaningful in this world, does not equate with what others believe it to be. Link to post Share on other sites
HazyWept Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 Love is scary but beautiful and chaotic and a risk of being hurt but it’s worth it I think for a chance to have something unconditional and real I hope Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Love sets you up for abuse and control, manipulation and gaslighting. Questioning yourself whats right or wrong anymore, what reality is... I can't vote this. I'd vote both. Link to post Share on other sites
Calligraphette_Coe Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 1 hour ago, CBC said: I don't care for chick flicks too much though, lol. :::::blush::::: Reminds me of those immortal words Spock said to Kirk in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier: Quote Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons. But seriously? Yeah, I'm not _that_ cynical to not be moved by couples that have stayed in love forever. One feels sooo badly for the one that survives. They sometimes feel sooo lost and you can't quite be there for them they way their beloved was. I'll never know. I suppose I don't like myself enough to surrender like that, strange as it sounds? I can't transition and that's what it would take for me. I really think I'm unlovable the way I am, having to continually process my dissonance. I have the empathy part down pat, I think. I just can't let go of the baggage of the betrayals. One of them almost ended in my suicide, and I can't go back there. It's like the Flaming Sword at the entrance to the Garden of Eden. Maybe I'm like George in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Like_Me Link to post Share on other sites
Epitaph Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I'd never take back the days I spent with my previous SO. Never on my life. She gave me so many gifts that are still with me today, that despite how hard it is to face up to the level of pain I've got hanging around in me over her loss, the thought of erasing what good things came out of knowing her, and sharing that connection and feeling for the time it was there, it's not an option to me. I'd do it again if I had a choice to, even if the outcome was always going to be the same. I know that there are people out in the world who don't need a partner. But I think a lot of the people who end up alone simply adapt and endure to it. They settle into it while perhaps shuffling aside that need to have somebody into dark corners. I know both sides of the fence. What it was like to be largely alone and by myself, and what it was like share a connection with somebody so strong that I can't ever really say I'll exactly get over the pain of loss. Sharing that connection was infinitely better than not. Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous123456 Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 1 hour ago, E said: I'd never take back the days I spent with my previous SO. Never on my life. She gave me so many gifts that are still with me today, that despite how hard it is to face up to the level of pain I've got hanging around in me over her loss, the thought of erasing what good things came out of knowing her, and sharing that connection and feeling for the time it was there, it's not an option to me. I'd do it again if I had a choice to, even if the outcome was always going to be the same. I know that there are people out in the world who don't need a partner. But I think a lot of the people who end up alone simply adapt and endure to it. They settle into it while perhaps shuffling aside that need to have somebody into dark corners. I know both sides of the fence. What it was like to be largely alone and by myself, and what it was like share a connection with somebody so strong that I can't ever really say I'll exactly get over the pain of loss. Sharing that connection was infinitely better than not. A very strong argument Link to post Share on other sites
HazyWept Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 11 hours ago, Phoenix the II said: Love sets you up for abuse and control, manipulation and gaslighting. Questioning yourself whats right or wrong anymore, what reality is... I can't vote this. I'd vote both. Perfect sometimes i I try my best not to need someone. It’s scary as fuck. It’s why every person I meet I let them lead and see how deep they wish to go with me. It’s safer that way because I’m afraid of love and awkward lol Link to post Share on other sites
Forest Spirit Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Teenage me would have picked 'no', the pain of being rejected by people I called friends, bullying ecc. were among the main reasons why I started isolating myself around 15, got depressed and had suicidal/self harm phantasies. I didn’t want anyone close to me anymore due to fear of being hurt again and in these years lost contact to reality in some way and just lived in my own head. I'm sure I've hurt others with this too but primarily I just hurt myself. That's what I had to realize later and it still haunts me since I'm scared of falling back to that behaviour. I'm very sensitive (HSP) and get hurt rather easily, sometimes I wish I could turn off my feelings, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have to deal with conflicts/problems that arise when dealing with people, especially those you love, but then again I can see how much I've grown as a person during the last couple of years and these conflicts/problems were partly what triggered that. So now I say 'yes', love can hurt but I don't want to avoid pain the rest of my life because it can be there nevertheless, just in a different form, and avoiding it is just not... living. Atleast for me. It's hiding away and restricting myself. That's my personal take on this! I still struggle to get over pain/loss and to focus on the good things/memories that came out of it but hope that I can keep on learning how to deal with it and be happier with myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous123456 Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 1 minute ago, Quasar.w said: Teenage me would have picked 'no', the pain of being rejected by people I called friends, bullying ecc. were among the main reasons why I started isolating myself around 15, got depressed and had suicidal/self harm phantasies. I didn’t want anyone close to me anymore due to fear of being hurt again and in these years lost contact to reality in some way and just lived in my own head. I'm sure I've hurt others with this too but primarily I just hurt myself. That's what I had to realize later and it still haunts me since I'm scared of falling back to that behaviour. I'm very sensitive (HSP) and get hurt rather easily, sometimes I wish I could turn off my feelings, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have to deal with conflicts/problems that arise when dealing with people, especially those you love, but then again I can see how much I've grown as a person during the last couple of years and these conflicts/problems were partly what triggered that. So now I say 'yes', love can hurt but I don't want to avoid pain the rest of my life because it can be there nevertheless, just in a different form, and avoiding it is just not... living. Atleast for me. It's hiding away and restricting myself. That's my personal take on this! I still struggle to get over pain/loss and to focus on the good things/memories that came out of it but hope that I can keep on learning how to deal with it and be happier with myself. That’s a very good story of personal evolution. It’s natural to be scared of losing again, especially if coupled with a chain of misfortune it can be even more crushing. Thank you for your response Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 2 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: I wonder what the interplay is between being scared of emotional intimacy, and not wanting physical intimacy? Anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I have never been in love and that scares me. Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous123456 Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 2 minutes ago, Kimmie. said: I have never been in love and that scares me. I hate to rehash the old clichés ‘haven’t met the right one yet’ etc but I didn’t feel anything resembling love for the best part of 17 years, so it’s entirely possible that you won’t experience love until you meet someone who ticks all your boxes :) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Just now, Telecaster68 said: Caused by and affecting what? Not feeling good enough, doing the wrong thing. PTSD, constant bullying in childhood/adolescence. I crave it, but scared. I want hugs, but only when you're really close. And close is hard to get by. Link to post Share on other sites
Kimmie. Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 13 minutes ago, grigor1860 said: I hate to rehash the old clichés ‘haven’t met the right one yet’ etc but I didn’t feel anything resembling love for the best part of 17 years, so it’s entirely possible that you won’t experience love until you meet someone who ticks all your boxes That is possible i am 30 right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous123456 Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 2 minutes ago, Kimmie. said: That is possible i am 30 right now. My grandad’s dad didn’t marry till he was 56 and didn’t have a child till my grandad was born when he was 61 people find love at different times. There’s definitely still hope for you, don’t give up! Link to post Share on other sites
Anonymous123456 Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 Just now, Telecaster68 said: I was thinking about whether someone would hold back from emotional intimacy because it might raise the expectation of sexual intimacy, or they held back from sexual intimacy because they never had feelings of emotional intimacy in the first place. On the first point, that’s entirely possible (just look at all the asexual-sexual threads). People are always drawn to allosexuals - obviously because they make up the majority of the population - but are often afraid to get attached because they don’t believe a relationship would ever work out. Link to post Share on other sites
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