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Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?


Anonymous123456

Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?  

133 members have voted

  1. 1. Is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?

    • Yes.
      83
    • No.
      50

This poll is closed to new votes


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Anonymous123456
17 minutes ago, MaybeIBelongSomewhere said:

Hey I appreciate you awesome one. I pray to learn how to live free and fast lol I hope to become a stronger person and hold on tight to my sanity 

i will be going back to school for pediatric nursing because I think kids are beautiful and should be protected also for music production when I can afford it. 

That’s just great! Take care of yourself and stay strong ❤️

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1 minute ago, grigor1860 said:

That’s just great! Take care of yourself and stay strong ❤️

🥰🖤🥴🌹 thank you homie 

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Anonymous123456
Just now, CBC said:

Thanks :)

 

Yeah, I'm now dealing with the pain and frustration of a lot of regret. It's not hard to lose many years of your life to fear if you're an innately fearful and sensitive person. And then (with any luck), somewhere along the way, you realise how much you're hurting yourself through your avoidance, and how futile it really is. And then as well as learning an almost entirely new way to live, you have to learn how to forgive yourself. I'm not good at that last bit, admittedly.

Me neither :( I blame myself for most everything that goes wrong. Mostly because I am to blame lol. You make an excellent point.

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2 minutes ago, CBC said:

how much you're hurting yourself through your avoidance

So true! I can really relate to that bit. Your words really touched me, thanks.

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Cats, yes. Dunno about people.

 

 

 

Admittedly I thought this was going to actually be a sort of spoof post about a Star Trek song.

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Anonymous123456
Just now, Shiloh_Rose said:

Cats, yes. Dunno about people.

 

 

 

Admittedly I thought this was going to actually be a sort of spoof post about a Star Trek song.

I’m inclined to agree with you about the cats part :) 

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My answer is, i am glad, i never had one single girls, or females brain stuck in my brain all my life.

 

Thats my answer to this question personally.

 

All that stuff can haunt you, and i am glad, i never knew one single girls, or females full name, that it would forever haunt my conscious mind.

 

Thats the answer i have for that question.

 

I have nothing to look back on, and i am glad.

 

Some may think its sad, but i am glad it worked out that way.

 

Thats my answer. I sort of never answered, but i also answered in the only way i know how to answer this question.

 

I bet a persons name, can haunt alot of your peoples minds, ie stimulating memories, and your connection you made with who ever.

 

All that stuff can be very haunting to your mind, ie loving someone, and losing them, as everyone mostly does.

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I voted yes.

The reason losing a loved one, be it pets, people etc etc hurts is because of how special the love made you feel in the first place. We feel the sadness because of the love we shared

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WinterWanderer

Ultimately, we will all pass on and be lost to this world.

 

Flip it around and think of it this way. Would you rather not form strong relationships with a person out of fear that they will lose you, or enjoy your companionship with them while you have that chance?

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I'd vote yes, I guess? Every type of relationship is an important experience, even if it ends (maybe even especially if it ends) badly. I mean, the only alternative is having no connection to anyone or anything whatsoever, which would just be a massive bummer, imo. I don't know... it seems like it would be really bad practice to form connections with people/things and assume that it should last forever or else it's in vain... that's a rough way of looking at the world. 

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Calligraphette_Coe

It's better to be lucky in love, because if you're unlucky, you'll always be the one to be betrayed. And that will haunt you like the worst ghost you can imagine.

 

So if the gods of evolutionary psychology  don't 'shine their face upon you', don't 'bless you and keep you', you will always be among the walking wounded. You're always on your own, and you might as well find out the first time that as nice as unconditional love sounds?

 

You won't find it in this life.

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Calligraphette_Coe
2 minutes ago, CBC said:

I'm truly not sure what you're trying to say. 

It's like getting a tattoo of your One True Love's name. And then finding out what a colossal boner THAT was later on.  You risk betrayal _every_ time, and if you're on the wrong side of good looks, you might as well resign yourself to being becalmed in hell.

 

Read WHoppi Goldberg's book, "If Someone Says, 'You Complete me'...... RUN!"

 

I guess you have to be as cynical as I am to have given up and realize that.... "Nobody's coming to rescue me from being alone... and after a few decades of it? I don't have a problem with that ."

 

Does that clear it up?  If not, just a word of Whoppie's advice "GET THE PRE-NUP".

 

And don't use the 'bitter' talisman on me. I'm utterly immune.

 

 

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Calligraphette_Coe
1 hour ago, CBC said:

Ok, gotcha. Just curious. I'm not about to declare you bitter. You do you.

Thank you. You know what's ironic? I just ADORE chick flicks. And I almost get the least less cynical when I see an old lesbian couple who have been together forever, knowing full well they prolly had to put up with a lot of crap from the fundies around here, but are devoted to each other always seem like best friends to each other. They probably passed through Lesbian Bed Death together and are still together. You gotta respect that!

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Just remember your pearls of wisdom, is only your understanding of you believe to be reality.

 

lol

 

What you think is meaningful in this world, does not equate with what others believe it to be.

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Love is scary but beautiful and chaotic and a risk of being hurt but it’s worth it I think for a chance to have something unconditional and real 

 

I hope

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Calligraphette_Coe
1 hour ago, CBC said:

I don't care for chick flicks too much though, lol. :P 

:::::blush:::::

 

Reminds me of those immortal words Spock said to Kirk in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier:

 

Quote

Please Captain, not in front of the Klingons.

:P

 

But seriously? Yeah, I'm not _that_ cynical to not be moved by couples that have stayed in love forever.  One feels sooo badly for the one that survives. They sometimes feel sooo lost and you can't quite be there for them they way their beloved was.

 

I'll never know. I suppose I don't like myself enough to surrender like that, strange as it sounds? I can't transition and that's what it would take for me. I really think I'm unlovable the way I am, having to continually process my dissonance. I have the empathy part down pat, I think. I just can't let go of the baggage of the betrayals.  One of them almost ended in my suicide, and I can't go back there. It's like the Flaming Sword at the entrance to the Garden of Eden.

 

Maybe I'm like George in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Like_Me

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I'd never take back the days I spent with my previous SO. Never on my life. She gave me so many gifts that are still with me today, that despite how hard it is to face up to the level of pain I've got hanging around in me over her loss, the thought of erasing what good things came out of knowing her, and sharing that connection and feeling for the time it was there, it's not an option to me. I'd do it again if I had a choice to, even if the outcome was always going to be the same.

 

I know that there are people out in the world who don't need a partner. But I think a lot of the people who end up alone simply adapt and endure to it. They settle into it while perhaps shuffling aside that need to have somebody into dark corners.  I know both sides of the fence. What it was like to be largely alone and by myself, and what it was like share a connection with somebody so strong that I can't ever really say I'll exactly get over the pain of loss.

 

Sharing that connection was infinitely better than not.

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Anonymous123456
1 hour ago, E said:

I'd never take back the days I spent with my previous SO. Never on my life. She gave me so many gifts that are still with me today, that despite how hard it is to face up to the level of pain I've got hanging around in me over her loss, the thought of erasing what good things came out of knowing her, and sharing that connection and feeling for the time it was there, it's not an option to me. I'd do it again if I had a choice to, even if the outcome was always going to be the same.

 

I know that there are people out in the world who don't need a partner. But I think a lot of the people who end up alone simply adapt and endure to it. They settle into it while perhaps shuffling aside that need to have somebody into dark corners.  I know both sides of the fence. What it was like to be largely alone and by myself, and what it was like share a connection with somebody so strong that I can't ever really say I'll exactly get over the pain of loss.

 

Sharing that connection was infinitely better than not.

A very strong argument :) 

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11 hours ago, Phoenix the II said:

Love sets you up for abuse and control, manipulation and gaslighting. Questioning yourself whats right or wrong anymore, what reality is...

 

I can't vote this. I'd vote both.

Perfect 

 

sometimes i I try my best not to need someone. It’s scary as fuck. It’s why every person I meet I let them lead and see how deep they wish to go with me. It’s safer that way because I’m afraid of love and awkward lol 

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Forest Spirit

Teenage me would have picked 'no', the pain of being rejected by people I called friends, bullying ecc. were among the main reasons why I started isolating myself around 15, got depressed and had suicidal/self harm phantasies. I didn’t want anyone close to me anymore due to fear of being hurt again and in these years lost contact to reality in some way and just lived in my own head. I'm sure I've hurt others with this too but primarily I just hurt myself. That's what I had to realize later and it still haunts me since I'm scared of falling back to that behaviour. I'm very sensitive (HSP) and get hurt rather easily, sometimes I wish I could turn off my feelings, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have to deal with conflicts/problems that arise when dealing with people, especially those you love, but then again I can see how much I've grown as a person during the last couple of years and these conflicts/problems were partly what triggered that. So now I say 'yes', love can hurt but I don't want to avoid pain the rest of my life because it can be there nevertheless, just in a different form, and avoiding it is just not... living. Atleast for me. It's hiding away and restricting myself.

That's my personal take on this! I still struggle to get over pain/loss and to focus on the good things/memories that came out of it but hope that I can keep on learning how to deal with it and be happier with myself.

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Anonymous123456
1 minute ago, Quasar.w said:

Teenage me would have picked 'no', the pain of being rejected by people I called friends, bullying ecc. were among the main reasons why I started isolating myself around 15, got depressed and had suicidal/self harm phantasies. I didn’t want anyone close to me anymore due to fear of being hurt again and in these years lost contact to reality in some way and just lived in my own head. I'm sure I've hurt others with this too but primarily I just hurt myself. That's what I had to realize later and it still haunts me since I'm scared of falling back to that behaviour. I'm very sensitive (HSP) and get hurt rather easily, sometimes I wish I could turn off my feelings, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have to deal with conflicts/problems that arise when dealing with people, especially those you love, but then again I can see how much I've grown as a person during the last couple of years and these conflicts/problems were partly what triggered that. So now I say 'yes', love can hurt but I don't want to avoid pain the rest of my life because it can be there nevertheless, just in a different form, and avoiding it is just not... living. Atleast for me. It's hiding away and restricting myself.

That's my personal take on this! I still struggle to get over pain/loss and to focus on the good things/memories that came out of it but hope that I can keep on learning how to deal with it and be happier with myself.

That’s a very good story of personal evolution. It’s natural to be scared of losing again, especially if coupled with a chain of misfortune it can be even more crushing. Thank you for your response :) 

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I have never been in love and that scares me.

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Anonymous123456
2 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

I have never been in love and that scares me.

I hate to rehash the old clichés ‘haven’t met the right one yet’ etc but I didn’t feel anything resembling love for the best part of 17 years, so it’s entirely possible that you won’t experience love until you meet someone who ticks all your boxes :) 

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Just now, Telecaster68 said:

Caused by and affecting what? 

Not feeling good enough, doing the wrong thing. PTSD, constant bullying in childhood/adolescence. I crave it, but scared. I want hugs, but only when you're really close. And close is hard to get by.

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13 minutes ago, grigor1860 said:

I hate to rehash the old clichés ‘haven’t met the right one yet’ etc but I didn’t feel anything resembling love for the best part of 17 years, so it’s entirely possible that you won’t experience love until you meet someone who ticks all your boxes :)

That is possible i am 30 right now.

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Anonymous123456
2 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

That is possible i am 30 right now.

My grandad’s dad didn’t marry till he was 56 and didn’t have a child till my grandad was born when he was 61 :) people find love at different times. There’s definitely still hope for you, don’t give up!

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Anonymous123456
Just now, Telecaster68 said:

I was thinking about whether someone would hold back from emotional intimacy because it might raise the expectation of sexual intimacy, or they held back from sexual intimacy because they never had feelings of emotional intimacy in the first place. 

On the first point, that’s entirely possible (just look at all the asexual-sexual threads). People are always drawn to allosexuals - obviously because they make up the majority of the population - but are often afraid to get attached because they don’t believe a relationship would ever work out. 

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