Can you tell when someone is romantically interested?

[TrippleL]

So I’ve just had a moment of realisation (one of many thanks to AVEN) 🙂

 

When I was a young teenager, despite being very romantic, I could not tell when a girl was interested in me romantically.

 

Later in my teens and into my 20s I had several romantic partners, so didn’t think about this.

 

I’m now in my early 30s and have been in a romantic relationship for 10 years, so haven’t thought about this for years.

 

Anyway, I was reading some posts and I just realised this still applies. Whilst I made the first move in some instances, quite often if a girl was interested in me she would practically have to sit on my lap for me to get the message! And I was always surprised when a girl would take an interest in me.

 

Can anyone relate to this? Can you tell when someone is romantically interested?

[Kimsmnn]

I can only tell when a guy is into me, girls are just nice all the time anyway so I can't tell anymore!

[Slice of Ace]

I'm still oblivious to flirting at times, but that may just be inexperience in dating 😂 Apparently, a guy was flirting with me the other day, and it took my friend informing me to realise. Coincidentally, I had flirted back just because I liked him, but I thought I was the one initiating 😝

 

Even worse, with my last boyfriend, I wasn't sure whether he was romantically interested after having had two dates! I thought he was just being friendly 😜

[MacAran]

I'm really really bad at that.  About half the time, I'm totally missing signals that are apparently there, and the other half I'm completely mis-reading signals.  Which, as a hopeless romantic is kind of a problem.

[TrippleL]

Thanks all. So the question is, is this an ace thing?

[GeekyGamerZack]

2 hours ago, TrippleL said:

Can anyone relate to this? Can you tell when someone is romantically interested?

I remember a small group of girls in high school who, in hindsight, were probably flirting with me. Of course, it wouldn't have amounted to anything, since I now know I'm romantically and aesthetically attracted to guys.

 

Having said that, I doubt I'd be aware if any other guys tried flirting with me. I mean, if anyone has, then I certainly wasn't aware of it, which means they probably thought I wasn't interested. Talk about oblivious unreciprocation! 😅

 

It would help if I was aware of the signs. Eye contact, smiling and friendliness could be signs, but most of the people I know always do those things with me anyway, as though they think I'm the nicest guy on the planet or something.

 

Pretty sure none of them are romantically attracted to me, but what do I know? I'm terrible at reading flirtations. 🙂

[andreas1033]

Thankfully you get totally numb eventually, as a male.

 

Its a good thing too, for asexuals alone forever, otherwise you will have to put up with such rubbish all your life. Thankfully if no one changes your future when young, eventually as a male, you will become numb to people affecting you in this way.

 

Peoples emotions when they are young, can be very strong for people.

 

Its also why in teenage years, if you have any sort of psi abilities, they will spring into your life. The energies you have when young, can be enormous, and thankfully peoples abilities to affect you later on in life dwindles.

 

So you can see why psi abilities, and scoring as people put it, are important in those young years.

 

If as a male you have no one change your life in those years, peoples abilities to affect you will later turn into nothing really, as you will become totally numb to people really.

 

Its why if you have any abilities in psi stuff, this time in teenage years will manifest themselves. Females tend to have far more power to influence males they like in these years, and later, especially after 30 or so, there energy will totally dwindle.

 

So thankfully if you are male, and asexual, you will just become totally numb to what ever energies females have to influence a male they like.

 

Good thing too.

 

At 43 now, those days of females trying to come near me, are thankfully long gone.

 

Those teenage years, and early twenties years, are the most important times for males. Females carry on a bit longer, but thankfully males if there life was not changed in those years, will become numb to others like this, and females abilities to influence males into liking them, dwindles enormously after these years, if no one has changed your life in those years.

 

If you as a person will develop psi abilities, most times in manifests in teenage years.

 

Op is talking about psi abilities, and i am sure in teenage years, most people have a glimpse of this stuff.

 

Those psi abilities are important in those years, as nature wants people to procreate obviously.

 

Just be glad if your asexual, and male, you will eventually become totally numb to people after a certain time, if someone never gets you to go to bed with them. lol

 

This is where the idea of the unicorn comes from. Its a male whom stays a virgin. Thats the idea of the unicorn, and why it means a male virgin, and what they think a male virgin will become.

 

This was the reason for people years ago, to make males into eunucks also.

[Salmiakki]

I think there have been a few times when someone liked me. Well one of them was pretty obvious, he even confessed to me, but he was my good friend's brother and a lot younger than me. It was pretty innocent, well, for the most part.... 

 

With the other cases, they were guys that were actually of appropriate age. I'm not sure if any of them actually liked me though, or if they were just being nice. I've been bullied a lot and excluding my friends people usually haven't been very friendly with me, so I feel like because no one is ever nice to me, I don't really know what it's like when someone's being friendly so I could easily misinterpret being nice as flirting. I'm used to not hearing anything nice from guys so the minute a guy says something nice I think it's flirting. So I'm not sure if the behavior of those guys was because they had feelings for me or if they were just being nice. 

[Anonymous123456]

I would contend that this is not an exclusively asexual (nor even an aromantic) experience - it’s just not always easy to read signs. Unless a person makes a blatant declaration of affection, there is an infinite amount of room for misinterpretation. Love is different to a feeling like hatred, which is rarely masked. 

 

On a personal level, I can’t say I am ever aware of romantic interest - most likely because there has seldom been any  I can only recall two instances in which there was such interest in me - once it was made explicit by a friend of a girl, and the other time it was a general nervousness around me and efforts were made to speak to me as often as possible. Admittedly, the second instance may well have just been general awkwardness but I’m fairly certain it was romantic interest. 

 

I hope that helped  

[Strifed]

I can only tell when someone likes me if they're being super obvious or very straightforward about it. Anything else and I have no idea. I have had guy friends in high school that liked me for years, and I never noticed and just thought they wanted to be friends like I did. It was a shock when we graduated and one only reconnected with me to tell me sexual fantasies! I never thought that about him so I was kinda freaked out.

 

I feel like I can tell more when a woman likes me, but then again the ones that I noticed that liked me were very... upfront and aggressive/perverted about it. So I think it also falls under the "be obvious and/or straightforward" category. I'm sure there might've been some guys and gals that liked me, but I never noticed because they were too shy or hid it. Plus I can't pick up on cues or flirting either so 😅

[The Incarnation Of Boredom]

12 hours ago, TrippleL said:

So I’ve just had a moment of realisation (one of many thanks to AVEN) 🙂

 

When I was a young teenager, despite being very romantic, I could not tell when a girl was interested in me romantically.

 

Later in my teens and into my 20s I had several romantic partners, so didn’t think about this.

 

I’m now in my early 30s and have been in a romantic relationship for 10 years, so haven’t thought about this for years.

 

Anyway, I was reading some posts and I just realised this still applies. Whilst I made the first move in some instances, quite often if a girl was interested in me she would practically have to sit on my lap for me to get the message! And I was always surprised when a girl would take an interest in me.

 

Can anyone relate to this? Can you tell when someone is romantically interested?

People aren't typically interested in me very often, and if they are I almost never know because I tend to fall for the shy, anxious types so if they like me back they try their hardest to hide it.

[Skeletonducky]

11 hours ago, TrippleL said:

🙂Can anyone relate to this? Can you tell when someone is romantically interested?

I've always struggled with that (like REALLY struggled), but up until recently I'd always reasoned it was something else (I'm autistic). But actually, it looks like I'm not the only one like this, so it might just be the asexuality 😂

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

Yes I do. For most of the time that is It's about the way a person would walk up, look  or smile at me. The sound of her voice or casual attempts to get close to me on any possible occasion.  The last part is crucial though.

[Zash]

I was so oblivious that when the girl did sit in my lap, I still didn't clue in.  Or maybe it was me subconsciously living in denial about it.

[oldgeeza]

I wouldn't recognise it if it happened to me or anyone else, I don't think it's an ace thing, I just think that as it hasn't ever happened to me, it's not something I would recognise

[TrippleL]

2 hours ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

Yes I do. For most of the time that is It's about the way a person would walk up, look  or smile at me. The sound of her voice or casual attempts to get close to me on any possible occasion.  The last part is crucial though.

What about telling the difference between someone being friendly and being interested in a relationship? 🙂

 

I think telling the difference can be very difficult for most people, I just wonder if I’ve taught myself enough social queues to compensate for the fact I genuinely cannot tell the difference? A bit like other forms of attraction masquerading as sexual attraction? 🙂

[oldgeeza]

I think that if someone is genuinely interested they would say so, I don't really know

[firewallflower]

As far as I know (and setting aside a couple of stranger creeps, which flavor of "interest" I wouldn't exactly describe as "romantic" in nature 😠), no one has ever been romantically inclined towards me.

 

That could be because no one has ever been romantically inclined towards me (I certainly have a hard time imagining that anyone with a modicum of sense would be 😕). Or it could be because I just can't tell. Unless and until someone confesses to me someday, I suspect I'll really never know. 🤷‍♀️