Confused about why my gender doesn't suit my sexual orientation

[Rozyrosie]

I'm a straight cis female.  I have a deep attraction to androgynous or affeminate men but mostly Drag Queens. In my experience it's very uncommon for men with these qualities to be straight.  This is my first and strongest sexual attraction starting around 8 yrs old. Perhaps Tim Curry is to blame or maybe I'm just wired that way.  I actually would only pursue these types of males if I could but I feel like my gender is mismatched.  When I was young I would dream about changing my gender so I can be sexual with men in drag.  But I don't want to be a man. I just wanted to be aligned with who they are attracted to...Gay males. So I wanted to have the sexual orientation of a gay male but not actually be one. This was/sometimes still is challenging for me. This is a real feeling and sometimes it's overwhelming. Occasionally I am so strongly attracted to a particular Drag Queen that I fantasize about them having a vagina and me having a penis and our sexual encounter with our sex organs transposed but not our genders.  But it's like a sense memory of using my penis to penetrate.  But  I only want this encounter with a natural born male as I'm not attracted to natural born women... Not In the slightest.  And I don't want to act masculine or dress that way either. Nor do I actually want to be a man so I don't think I'm transgendered. I just have an urge to be physical in a way that is impossible to me.  It makes me upset and sad I cant be intimate in a way I am oriented by default.  I believe this may be satiated if I could have sexual relations with a Drag Queen or a man who enjoys cross dressing but I doubt I'll fulfill that desire.  Also I am married to a straight cis male who isn't interested in that kind of expression.  Just wondering if anyone else has a similar sensation/experience and how can I curb or relieve my urge and fanasty?  Or do I have some kind of trans sexual identity? 

[AmyTSUK]

Hi Rozy,

This reply is going to be way outside of the box, so it may resonate with you, then again it could be a million miles away, but it food for thought.

 

A lot of CIS men who are predominantly straight, have a slight bi-curious makeup in their DNA, probably a term for it but thats how I refer to it.

 

No way would they go with a "normal" guy aka one that doesn't dress or looks manly, nor would they want a female partner to act male with them, but a very feminine guy dressed up as a woman, bit like Tim Curry  in Rocky Horror, it gives them the feeling of still being straight, but also gives them a tool to scratch the bi curious itch as well, known many straight guys over the years who have wanted the T-Girl to use their c**k on them, but still maintain they 100% straight.

 

Now I am not saying it is a form of denial or anything that way, I actually think as humans / animals it is natural for us to be unknowingly curious about something, and when something comes along that allows that curiosity to be sampled, it's really hard for us to go against it.

 

The one advantage for CIS women is that they can take both the male and female roles without having to modify their bodies, and their are a lot of Transvestites that actively seek women and are extremely feminine themselves who would love a woman that would be that way with them.

 

Many actually say they are Bi when dressed, IE they normally like men as a guy but when dressed as a girl they like girls too, or like girls as a guy but like men when dressed up as a girl, so I say look through some trans sites and check some out, do a google search for TVChix  not putting web link as I don't know if it allowed or not, but it totally free to join it and message with chat rooms.

 

Hope that helps in some way xx