questioning

[vqmpirism]

so! aha. i dont really know how this works. sorry for rambling- im not the best at words.

 

recently, for the past month or so i've been questioning my romantic orientation. im not ace, i know that, but i also don't have anyone around me who i can talk to about this stuff so i turned to this website since i've heard about it before. sorry if this isn't the right place, i just joined aha!

 

i've been in romantic relationships before- not the most healthy ones, though. i've only dated them because they asked me out and i just hoped that maybe ill feel something. i never really did. they were much older, kinda creepy and predatory, since when i was with them i was extremely younger. i had a boyfriend for a year that i thought i loved, but now, thinking back on it, im honestly not sure that there were ever really. romantic feelings there. we were qpps for a while before dating, and if anything our relationship just felt like we were friends. and i was fine with that, because i didn't really know that they were supposed to be any different. there were no butterflies or cutesy stomach feels, im not sure ive ever really had a crush on him or anyone for that matter. we broke up and i wasn't too bummed about it. i dated this other guy for like a month and everything was. pretty much purely sexual and i also didn't really feel anything for him either, i just can't say no.

 

now my problem started when i was really thinking about my past. i don't know if what i felt was genuine romantic attraction towards my exes. i never really crushed on them, never felt love or anything. i know i like guys, but i dont see myself ever being in a relationship. i can't picture myself getting married or going on dates, i can't see myself being in love. and its bothering me. this has been tormenting me and its stupid but im really beating myself up over this. 

 

i love the idea of being in love, i think its a beautiful thing. i want to be loved and cared for more than anything, but i can't tell if this desire is for someone to see me in a romantic light or not. while i know that i like the idea of love, and i want to be loved and cared for, i dont know if i could love someone like that romantically. i can't tell if this is a product of my poor mental health, general apathy and depression or if its something besides that. 

 

sorry if this was awkward, or tmi, or whatever, this is just a last ditch-effort to get some answers because im desperate at this point. i know that i need to figure this out for myself, but i have absolutely no experience with this or knowledge of aromantic identities and i don't know where to really start. sorry if this was bothersome. 

[Serra]

Love is a wonderful thing- and its okay to love someone and not want to Do other things with them. There is love without romance...There is love without sex or intimacy. And just because you might not feel those ways or do those things doesnt invalidate any love you feel.

Ultimately the only answers you can truly find on the matter are the answers YOU feel are correct.. Are you an ace? Its up to you- are you Aromantic? Its possible but we cant tell you that. We cant tell you WHAT YOU ARE.

What we CAN Tell you Is that we're here to support you and help you find the words you need to find courage in yourself. So you can be the best you possible- no matter what actual orientation you feel you are.

Welcome to aven ^^