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Forever single


Tyger Songbird

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Tyger Songbird

So, I know that there is this group on the Internet called ForeverAlone, and it's like the only single group I see that really exists overall, besides us here. However, whenever I keep hearing about singleness, it's about being lonely or those looking for a relationship. The dating industry must be making a killing right now. However, on this Valentine's day, I am celebrating being single. I am happy to be single, honestly. First off, I don't have to spend money on roses or food all the while. I keep my sanity and my money safe. Second, there's no expectation of sex whatsoever. I can fully be solo, and I don't have to be with this person who is either tempted to sex or has "horny, amorous" feelings towards me. So, I win overall. That's great to me.

 

I'm not really the dating type. I'm not the type of person to really like going out to eat and all that, anyway. Buying corsages, talking on the phone all the time-I'm not really interested in doing the whole courtship ritual. It seems silly to me, in view. 

 

Anyone else understand what I mean, really?

 

Now, I have not ever been in a relationship, but I just feel like I know I wouldn't like it. I'm just a person who overall loves and craves independence. I'm pretty much a guy who needs time alone to gain solace and freedom from everything. That sense of autonomy is incredible to me. I have to have that overall, I feel. The older I get, the more I start understanding what I need. I have to have that sense of isolation to just sort out and harmonize myself. So, having another person constantly over you, hovering over you every waking moment is going to be detrimental to that. So, sorry, I don't want that.

 

Does anyone else understand what I mean by that? I'm a forever single, not a forever alone. And I don't want single pity either. I want to be alone, I want to be solo.

 

That being said, since when does being single = lonely? For some reason, a lot of people I seem to meet have this mentality that being alone = lonely life. I don't get it. We need to put a ≠ in that single and lonely equation. However, it seems that for most things, there isn't an avenue for all single people to openly live as single and everything. Today, as I was going around with everybody looking for candies and everything going on about love or lament about not being in love, I just started thinking "What can we do to make singles day?" Why isn't there a singles day? I don't know. 

 

Does anyone else get what I mean, really? Am I the only one who enjoys being single and wants to be single forever? Shoot me.

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I feel the same way.  I've never wanted a relationship, and I never will.  

I had my life planned out from a very young age, long before I knew I was ace: I was going to live alone with a bunch of pets.  As soon as I learned marriage was about romantic love and not about friendship (because I actually didn't get it at first) and also not mandatory (to be fair, society seemed to imply it was), I recognized that it wasn't something I ever wanted.  

I even feel kinda funny describing myself as single because of the implications that come with it - loneliness, desire for relationship, & all that.  I think I prefer "solo."  

Additionally, I really wish that Valentine's Day was more about love in general, including platonic and familial love.  Then I'd feel less alienated.  

Edited by iyote
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Plenty of married people still feel alienated, so it's not like romance magically cures all loneliness.

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I have tried romantic relationships before in the past when I didn't know anything about aromanticism or that it applies to me and I just couldn't handle romantic gestures being directed at me. I'm usually repulsed by a lot of what people see as romantic. It feels so put on and awkward.

 

I really don't want to be part of a pair or anything but at the same time I actually have been very lonely. It just doesn't have anything to do with wanting or needing a romantic relationship. I guess I just want close friends, which I've never really had.

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There is the anti-valentines parties for singles and galentine for friendship between women and bromance day for men and... etc, etc. 

 

They did a survey of the U.S to see how people like valentines and 52% in it said they werent celebrating. Was a corporate survey since its a commercialized holiday. Of those celebrating, the largest percent said at home with pizza and a movie. It is a pretty blah holiday. 

 

Your idea of dating sounds bad to me too, OP. Out to eat, roses, etc. Ew. My idea of a good date is cuddling while at home watching netflix, or playing a video game together. 

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Tyger Songbird
30 minutes ago, Serran said:

There is the anti-valentines parties for singles and galentine for friendship between women and bromance day for men and... etc, etc. 

 

They did a survey of the U.S to see how people like valentines and 52% in it said they werent celebrating. Was a corporate survey since its a commercialized holiday. Of those celebrating, the largest percent said at home with pizza and a movie. It is a pretty blah holiday. 

 

Your idea of dating sounds bad to me too, OP. Out to eat, roses, etc. Ew. My idea of a good date is cuddling while at home watching netflix, or playing a video game together. 

My idea of a date is overall is just not doing one, really. I have no desire for that. I'd rather stay at home and watch Jeopardy all day. That sounds like fun to me.

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Tyger Songbird
7 hours ago, Winter Spirit ❅ said:

I have tried romantic relationships before in the past when I didn't know anything about aromanticism or that it applies to me and I just couldn't handle romantic gestures being directed at me. I'm usually repulsed by a lot of what people see as romantic. It feels so put on and awkward.

 

I really don't want to be part of a pair or anything but at the same time I actually have been very lonely. It just doesn't have anything to do with wanting or needing a romantic relationship. I guess I just want close friends, which I've never really had.

Yeah, that's really all I really want too. I feel like I'm the type who likes having friends to keep me company and with people I can go out and do stuff with, like traveling places. That's me in a nutshell. There's just too much pressure by overall society to be romantic, like they force you to date and everything. Even on funerals, they ask who the deceased is survived by. That's crazy. Why not just talk about the person's life? His life was more than just family and kids, right? Oh, well. Our identities are wrapped way too much into work and courtship relationships, honestly. It's annoying.

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Tyger Songbird
8 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Really? Noone is going to add the meme? "This Valentine I'll be spending it Han style..Solo"?

 

The answer to the questions is the same as it has always been. Society wants status quo and they will bash on anyone who doesnt comply.

 

Good point. And yes, that's a perfect meme.

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everywhere and nowhere

I'm not aromantic, wouldn't like to be single forever (but, on the other hand, I feel that a deep, intimate friendship would be enough for me... particularly since in this kind of case not being willing to have sex would remain even "natural" and I wouldn't be potentially burdening an allosexual partner), but I absolutely support the idea of a singles' day. We - as a culture, not just as individuals - seriously need some kind of antidote to all that amatonormative propaganda, particularly when the vast majority of it is also very heteronormative, particularly against women's independence ("not finding the right man" is presented as the greatest tragedy for a woman, but not the other way around), and nowadays Valentine's day is getting more and more sexualised, so also unfriendly to sex-averse "paired" people.

Just by the way: I'd rather remain single forever - and not just single, even lonely forever - than have sex. And my choice to never have sex is a legitimate choice.

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Tyger Songbird
On 2/15/2019 at 8:32 AM, Nowhere Girl said:

I'm not aromantic, wouldn't like to be single forever (but, on the other hand, I feel that a deep, intimate friendship would be enough for me... particularly since in this kind of case not being willing to have sex would remain even "natural" and I wouldn't be potentially burdening an allosexual partner), but I absolutely support the idea of a singles' day. We - as a culture, not just as individuals - seriously need some kind of antidote to all that amatonormative propaganda, particularly when the vast majority of it is also very heteronormative, particularly against women's independence ("not finding the right man" is presented as the greatest tragedy for a woman, but not the other way around), and nowadays Valentine's day is getting more and more sexualised, so also unfriendly to sex-averse "paired" people.

Just by the way: I'd rather remain single forever - and not just single, even lonely forever - than have sex. And my choice to never have sex is a legitimate choice.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I would rather do almost anything than do anything sex, and Valentine's day is like a marriage and sex day right now. Let's have a night out and screw type of night. Almost every holiday that exists now seems to have lost its innocence to things, really. It's even harder to celebrate birthdays with the whole "birthday sex" thing. I don't desire relationships, and that is a major reason overall as to why. The whole sexual business just makes the whole romantic love thing revulsive and detestable, in my eyes.

 

Relationships should be like friendships for me. I like you as a person, you're my friend type of thing. There's no expectation of sex, and my boundaries are respected overall. However, that never seems to be the protocol for real life. Almost every single time the asexual is just expected to give in, never the other way around. That doesn't seem fair or truly right to me, overall. So, I've learned it's just best to be single anyway, which is my preferred state anyhoo.

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Hi all. I'm new.

 

What the OP said is me. I crave being alone. It helps me release stress.

 

I love coming home to no expectations required of me.  I do get lonely sometimes but it was the romantic attraction I missed if that makes sense

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