Hi there! :D

[Acest_of_cakes]

Hi everyone!

 

I've deliberated about making an account on here for years, and I've decided on yes! Thank the lord for the internet, or I'd have no idea about this fairly important part of myself.

 

I think this is a good place to share my story, which began in the final year of primary school. It wasn't a big deal at the time but it did plant the seed that grew bigger and bigger with everyday life. We had our obligatory sex education lesson and the phrase that started it all was "don't worry, everyone will get these feelings. It's normal."

 

Roll on secondary school, and puberty. My friends and everyone else were dating and talking about guys they liked and thought were cute, but I didn't get it. I was told that I was just a late bloomer and that I would get these feelings. I think we all know by my presence here that that never happened!

 

I got quite worried that there was something wrong with me. I'd heard that people's first kisses were supposed to be something special, but I didn't really care about mine. It was an experience that I wasn't really keen to repeat. I dated to fit in, but I never liked them as more than friends. I was called frigid when these relationships ended because I wasn't interested in any of the traditional 'romantic' gestures. I'd hug and hold hands, and that was as far as I'd go.

 

Funnily enough, when I was around fifteen, I did discover asexuality (I think it was this site that introduced me to the concept) and told my boyfriend at the time that I was. I think he mistook it for celibacy, because he asked me a month later if I was "still asexual."

 

There still wasn't much information around about asexuality then, at least that I could find, and I was easily influenced. When people told me that asexuality wasn't a real thing, I believed them. Cue me returning to thinking that there was something wrong with me/ I must be a late bloomer. In college, my friends were getting into more serious relationships around me and were at that point trying to set me up (I 'dated' a guy for months without even realising it). I'm kind of ashamed of this, but I began to get really angry that every single piece of media I consumed just had to have a romance subplot, or the characters would "fall in love" and have sex in no time at all. I didn't understand because they've known each other for five minutes, darn it, how can they love each other?

 

This anger was a reaction to the pressure I was feeling from the society around me and my friends/ family.

 

A moment that should really have clued me in that asexuality was real and that I was in fact this was with my best friend at college. We were in the local park with her boyfriend and they were talking about all these sex positions they'd tried and asking me how I do it and what sort of toys I used, and I was just the most uncomfortable I think I have ever been. 

 

This friend also set me up a dating profile on plenty of fish, but I couldn't deal with it. It really freaked me out what guys were saying to me, so she wrote responses in my stead. I've never willingly revisited this account and I dread to think how many vulgar messages are on it.

 

It was shortly after this that I looked into asexuality more deeply (I think I watched some of SwankIvy's Letters to an Asexual and saw myself in her responses) and came to terms with the fact that I was an aromantic asexual. 

 

Honestly, it was such a relief to me to read through the forums here and just see my own experiences reflected in so many others. I'm not broken, I'm just different to my peers!

 

I still get super annoyed at characters "falling in love" after five minutes in shows, but in general, I am way less annoyed by it. I can handle romance stories because I understand that I can read such things and it doesn't mean it's something I want for myself.

 

Anyway, that's enough rambling! I look forward to being more active here and getting to know you! Please take care of me! ❤️

[Custard Cream]

Hello and Welcome! Have some cake!

 

[NickyTannock]

@Acest_of_cakes Welcome to AVEN!

 

In my case, I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing sexual comments from my peers and in media and found that they bewildered me.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Books Cake,

[AnnaKat]

1 hour ago, Acest_of_cakes said:

I began to get really angry that every single piece of media I consumed just had to have a romance subplot, or the characters would "fall in love" and have sex in no time at all

I also get bothered by romance subplots in media, especially when there's no chemistry and you can tell it was only put in there to please audiences. It's like, I'm watching this movie for car chases and explosions. I don't need romance here.

[SioRandom]

Welcome! 

[Lichley]

Welcome! Yeah when people start talking about overly sexualised things are the worst! Especially when they tack it onto an irrelevant situation. I didn’t ask, so please don’t just start explaining in detail! ;-; 

Spoiler

Hidden rant

. I was in a cover lesson, and we were discussing uni options. Then this girl in my class interrupts the conversation to start talking about sex life at unis, starts comparing the “sizes” of the guys she’s dated previously to her current boyfriend, and telling us about her first time. And I literally went and sat in the far corner of the room away from everyone just to avoid hearing any more. I can take jokes and dumb innuendos, but an actual descriptive conversation is tmi!

Also heymfrom Gatport Airwick