Cheshire-Cat Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I'm so close to being aro but very occasionally (like once every few years) I'll fall for someone. Problem is when I like someone I fall HARD. And it really messes up my mental health because I have such low self-esteem. Recently I've started doing personal training sessions with 2 different PTs and I've developed a crush on one of them. One advantage is it's got me going to the gym a lot in the hope of seeing him, even briefly. But I know I could never do anything about my feelings, and my head uses my feelings as a way to crush my self-esteem even further by constantly telling me how inadequate I am. Right now I just really wish I was aro. It would make life so much easier not having to ever suffer romantic feelings. The only downside would be that I'd really love a relationship and kids one day, which would be even harder if I was aro. Please tell me I'm not the only one with messed up romantic feelings who just wishes they'd go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 *Tells you you're not the only one* Really, I'm exactly the same, in that most of the time I'm like "Yeah, I don't fancy anyone, I'm good on my own." But just occasionally, I'll go gaga over someone and it totally throws me for one. And I don't find romantic feelings enjoyable at all, not like the media says you're supposed to feel. It just makes me feel desperate and hopeless and even if they do like me back, I have trust issues and constantly doubt it. I think a QPR would honestly be better for me because my mind wouldn't be mush and I'd feel more secure in that. I think it's because if a relationship is billed as "romantic" it feels like you've got more invested in it and ending it is more of a failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I'm the exact opposite. I fall for everyone, and then I get my feelings hurt. But it doesn't stop me. Of course when a relationship goes south, which all four of them have, it hurts like hell and I hate everyone for a little while and I curse the Earth, sun and moon. But then I get some distance and I realize that the good times were better than the bad times and I learned a lot about myself. I wish it wouldn't happen because heartbreak sucks. But I guess maybe I'm pragmatic about it or I rationalize it by recognizing that the good times are pretty good too. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 19 minutes ago, Cheshire-Cat said: Please tell me I'm not the only one with messed up romantic feelings who just wishes they'd go away. You're not. I'm still quite sure what my romantic orientation is (Demi maybe?), so I do have romantic feelings from time to time. Not sure what to about them, tho... Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 -screams into the heavens- I hate having romantic feelings! Ugh, they're so painful. If I could go to a dentist and get that pulled out, all problems would be solved. You're not alone. Those feelings suck. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 I've had 4 major episodes of emotional dependency that lasted for 6-7 years in total, and a lot of minor ones. I can't call them crushes because there were hardly any positive emotions associated with them at all, I just wanted to get them out of my head Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 The grass is always greener, I guess. Like you said, you may find someone and it'll all be worth it in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
ben8884 Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 I dunno if I wish I was aro as I am sure that also has problems but like yeah I wish I could switch off romantic feelings when I wanted. I fell in love and it screwed me up to no end. Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 On 2/12/2019 at 9:11 PM, Cheshire-Cat said: not having to ever suffer romantic feelings. This is so perfectly worded - it's suffering, indeed. Although I often enough curse my being on the aromantic side of the spectrum. My feelings about this are constantly changing. And this only proves the point that the grass is always greener on the other side ... The current state of things is never okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Twisted Tempest Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I'm just going through my first experience with romantic feelings. I grew up believing I was Aro, firmly under the impression I couldn't feel romantic love, and now suddenly out of nowhere I fell for my best friend. The way people talk about love, I'd never expected it would be as painful as it has been. Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 5 hours ago, Twisted Tempest said: The way people talk about love, I'd never expected it would be as painful as it has been. So no-one told you ~love~ was gonna be this way? *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* Link to post Share on other sites
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