Relationship b/w Asexuals and Sexuals

[ZinxtheJinx]

Do you think its possible to be in a successful relationship with a Sexual.

 

I'm really curious as I have been seeing posts about it so I want to know what you Avenites think.

[NickyTannock]

I've moved this thread from 'Open Mic' to 'Census Forum'.
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

[Guest]

Possible? Yes.

Probable? Not really.

 

I think it can work - after all both I and the gal I used to be in a relationship with were happy for six shared years together. But I think such success stories are the exception rather than the rule. I also think that the fact she and I were open/poly right from day one plays a big part in it - just looking at monogamous couples, I'd say the probability sinks even further.

[uhtred]

I put no.  Its possible but I think its a low enough probability that "no" is closer than unsure. 

 

Of course "sexual" and "asexual" are both sliding scales.  People close to the middle may be OK together, but I think someone who views sex as part of a romantic relationship (not uncommon) ,and someone who is sex repulsed (also not uncommon) can't be in a happy relationship together. 

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

I think it's nearly impossible tbh. So..no.

[DeerFox]

I think it's possible, but what are the chances? Bare minimum imo.

[Grimalkin]

Well, it depends. Given a lot of communication and a lot of compromise, I think it's possible.

 

I think it's less probable in situations where the asexual does not want an open relationship and does not want to have sex, full stop. I think it's more likely to succeed in scenarios where the asexual person is open to sexual encounters on a regular time frame, perhaps once a week or so.

 

In other words, I think it's most likely to work out when the asexual person is willing to have sex more times than they would otherwise like and the allosexual person is willing to have sex less often than they would otherwise like. A nice bit of compromise.

[starweb]

Yes. I am in one but married before I knew  I was ACE.

26 minutes ago, uhtred said:

I put no.  Its possible but I think its a low enough probability that "no" is closer than unsure. 

 

Of course "sexual" and "asexual" are both sliding scales.  People close to the middle may be OK together, but I think someone who views sex as part of a romantic relationship (not uncommon) ,and someone who is sex repulsed (also not uncommon) can't be in a happy relationship together. 

 

I agree with this. I'm an ACE married to a sexual and it works, but I think we probably fit into the 'sliding scale' territory. I am autochorussexual (and I'm not sure if that's an orientation or a behavior) but its what helped get me through. I used as a distraction during sex.  If that wasn't the case, I don't know if it would work or not.

[uhtred]

There is also a difference between "can work" and "works well".  If a couple finds out early on that they are not sexually compatible, I think they might as well find more compatible partners. 

[Grumpy Alien]

That’s incredibly individual and subject to change with said individuals, like any relationship. 

[Guest]

I say yes because you never know. Anything is possible and it depends on the people. 

[firewallflower]

Yes, I'd say it's certainly possible, as evidenced by the existence of even one "mixed" couple in a happy relationship (and there are more than one of these right here on AVEN).

 

Challenging? No doubt. Works for everyone? Of course not. Possible? Yes, definitely.

 

In the end, sexual incompatibility is just one more potential obstacle to a successful relationship, albeit one likely to be of particularly personal relevance. It can be a dealbreaker, yes, it may often be a dealbreaker, sure, but that doesn't mean it has to always be a dealbreaker.

 

As with anything, it all depends.

[Squirrel Combat]

I actually saw the success and strength of a relationship between a sexual and asexual when I was seeing the girl of my first kiss. But given she's polyamorus and attempted to bring me in as a second boyfriend for physical stuff, well...they definitely had to make compromises.

 

But my answer is still yes.

[Violet055]

As others have said, I think it's possible but unlikely. I think for it to work several conditions would have to be met...the asexual would most likely have to be willing to occasionally compromise, the sexual would need to have a somewhat low libido, and excellent communication would need to be established.

 

Then again, even partnerships where both people are sexual experience issues with mismatched libidos. The idea that two people's sex drives are going to match up perfectly is unlikely. So who knows?

[Howard]

I voted yes because of my experience. My dating life with someone was always short-lived but always was with sexuals. You could say that things didn't work out because they were short lived, but consider how few asexuals there are in society. What is the probability of two of them meeting? What is the probability of them liking each other? Bearing that in mind, since I'm sexualy functional and not sex-repulsed, I think my chances are better at having a relationship with a sexual than an asexual.

[Neutral Charge]

On 2/12/2019 at 6:22 PM, Grimalkin said:

Well, it depends. Given a lot of communication and a lot of compromise, I think it's possible.

 

I think it's less probable in situations where the asexual does not want an open relationship and does not want to have sex, full stop. I think it's more likely to succeed in scenarios where the asexual person is open to sexual encounters on a regular time frame, perhaps once a week or so.

 

In other words, I think it's most likely to work out when the asexual person is willing to have sex more times than they would otherwise like and the allosexual person is willing to have sex less often than they would otherwise like. A nice bit of compromise.

This is the only way i think it could work if the other person truly is sexual, and has a specific need for sex. 

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Judging by some of the threads I've seen, no.

[Sally]

On 2/12/2019 at 10:22 AM, Grimalkin said:

In other words, I think it's most likely to work out when the asexual person is willing to have sex more times than they would otherwise like and the allosexual person is willing to have sex less often than they would otherwise like. A nice bit of compromise.

But from being on AVEN for 10+ years, and from my own experience, over time it's more and more difficult for the asexual to compromise  to having regularsex, and it's more  and more difficult for the sexual to have sex less often than they want, and also compromised in  the sense that the asexual isn't able to really want it.  

[Custard Cream]

It's worked for me - been married for 20 years. 

[Lunala]

Yes I think it could work out, it really depends on the people, their personalities and chemistry, etc.

[Skycaptain]

Have no experience, so any answer is guesswork 

[JinglesTheMighty]

I've had one relationship It ended horribly.

[iff]

@ZinxtheJinx

 

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iff, Census Forum Moderator