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Are You Marriage Minded?


Crystal7

Aces and Marriage  

177 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you asexual?

    • Yes
      165
    • No
      15
  2. 2. Do you hope to get married one day?

    • Yes
      34
    • I'm open-minded
      64
    • No
      51
    • No, but I'm hoping for something similar like a commitment ceremony
      13
    • Already married
      8
    • Already divorced, not seeking re-marriage
      7

This poll is closed to new votes


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Asexual, not marriage-minded, however never say never 

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I feel like my definition of marriage and everybody else's these days is starkly different. Most people I bump into either seem to throw it onto a pedestal and go for the whole big ceremony and invite everybody bit, or they look at it from the legal angles, either positive or negative.

 

In some bizzare world where I ever stood a chance of being married, ideally I'd have an unknown ceremony, invite nobody, and I wouldn't be doing it for legal reasons. To me marriage is an affirmative statement that one is bound to the either in life and perhaps beyond death.

 

In life, I already try to live my life as if I'm bound to friends and family. I am committed to them until I die or unless they do something that warrants that I cut ties. But marriage is unique in that sense as it's an oath that you undertake, and you stand your ground on through thick or thin.

 

Evidently maybe my view of it is antiquated or obsolete by society's current standards. I can't even pretend that I'm ever going to get that far again anyway. So all in all I'd say that if I were with somebody who viewed it the same as I? Yes. But I know that it's not going to happen. So it's not much of a focal point to me.

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I'm ace/aro. I don't want a romantic partner, or to get married. When I'm older I want to live alone with no partner, no kids. Kids are too noisy and messy, and I'm not really into romance stuff. And I very rarely get lonely, and am an extreme introvert so i'll be fine - i'll probably have pets and i'd rather hang out with animals than humans

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I'm not ace, I am divorced, and I would love to get married again (to a specific individual x) ).

 

I really enjoyed being married the first time around, save that I picked the wrong person. I like the idea of melding lives and forming a new one together, with all the romantic and asinine and legal intricacies involved (after all, the boring bits are what make the exciting bits exciting!). Now that I have a better idea of who I am and what I want in and from life, I stand a much better chance of picking someone whose life I can compliment better, and whose life will help complement mine. The idea should be synergy, right? The whole is stronger than the two halves are individually. Marriage for the sake of being married is likely to be a mistake, but finding the right person - I imagine that will be a really fun adventure, and I'm very much looking forward to it.

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I think I would like to get married. I view it as a celebration of our commitment by signing legal documents. No fancy wedding or receptions if it can be avoided. But, I would sign a pre nup too to prove that I am not blind in love.

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I wouldn’t mind it as long as it was with another person who was ace or someone who understood me .

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AVeryTakenUsername

Open to it if it's important to whoever I might be romantically involved with. I could see myself getting along just fine without it though as well.

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WanderingKate

I like the idea of marriage in theory, the idea of having that level of commitment and loyalty to someone is appealing to me...despite being likely aro I do enjoy devoted companionship. But I also don't know if I could make it work in reality. I'm very much a loner and find a lot of people draining, so marriage seems like it would be difficult. If I found someone who gave me a lot of space, and I mean a lot of space, and whom I really got along with, and who was understanding of my aromanticism…I think I probably would. But if it never happens I'm fine with that too. I'm just going to live my life and see what happens. :)

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I want to get married. Partly because my family expects it, but mostly because I don't want to spend my life alone.

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I personally don't even want to have a relationship ever. Marriage also is expensive and a waste of time. Now-a-days, people get married mainly for religious purposes or because people tell them that they should, not because they really want to.

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2 minutes ago, CBC said:

Source?

I am just talking from personal experience, I work with kids and the ones that say they want to get married are from religious families or are told by their parents that marriage is just a thing that people do. I might be wrong for older people but this is just what I see in my job with younger people.

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Custard Cream

I agree with @CBC. I'm a married Ace. I decided to marry entirely because I wanted that level of commitment, not as a result of any social pressure or religious considerations.

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Never! I couldn't share my personal space with another human being for more than 2 weeks at a time (excluding daughter that is!).

On the one pccadion I did, it was the only regret I've had in my life. Thankfully it didn't last very long.

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@CBC The only reason it is like that were I am is because I live in a well-off, white, Texan community. I can't talk about anything related religion/race let alone sexuality kids because the parents will get upset, even if the kids brings it up themselves

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  • 5 months later...
J. van Deijck

I wouldn't mind being married, but it's not that I'm looking forward to it. if my relationship is stable and serious, I can either get married or not and still be happy.

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How do I feel...? It's... a thing that some people do, I guess.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Some sort of commitment ceremony is all we can do, but yes, definitely want to at some point. It's figuring out whether to tell the fam and let them tag along that has me stumped, because even though I have no interest in them being there (and am scared of their reaction) I feel like I should 😕

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Captain_Tass

I'm graysexual, not ace and marriage is honestly not a priority but if I ever find myself in a happy serious long term relationship with a partner of any gender, I think marriage would be on the table if they wanted to. However, I'd never pressure them if they didn't want to get married for whatever reason. As @[noize:injekktion] said

 

3 hours ago, [noize:injekktion] said:

if my relationship is stable and serious, I can either get married or not and still be happy.

 

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Grumpy Alien
5 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Some sort of commitment ceremony is all we can do, but yes, definitely want to at some point. It's figuring out whether to tell the fam and let them tag along that has me stumped, because even though I have no interest in them being there (and am scared of their reaction) I feel like I should 😕

Why do you feel like you should? Obligation or do you think that’s what would make you and/or them happiest? Sense of obligation is never a good reason...

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No, of course I am not marriage minded. Why would I be? I mean, I'm asexual panromantic. I've been in a relationship with a transsexual man for eight years now, but I never think about being legally committed to him, because I already am committed to him. My views are that marriage - personally - is futile for me. Here in where I live, marriage is designed for cisgender heterosexual couples. However, what is the use of marriage? I never want to have any kids. I'm just not interested. Surely, I don't need a piece of paper to boast in front of the world that I'm in love. 

 

These are my views on marriage. 

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 hours ago, Kimchi Peanut said:

Why do you feel like you should? Obligation or do you think that’s what would make you and/or them happiest? Sense of obligation is never a good reason...

Yeah, obligation. I certainly don't think they'd be happy about it, not if the reactions of other objectum parents are anything to go by :c

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Celyn: The Lutening
14 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Yeah, obligation.

Sod 'em. It's your life.

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I'm completely indifferent to others getting married as long as I am not invited to the wedding, because I enjoy them about as much as I enjoyed having to go to a pre-school graduation once, which is to say not at all. But the thought of myself getting married does not sit well with me. I tried a few relationships in the past because it didn't occur to me that what I really wanted was just friendship, and shit, if you're an aromantic trying to make a romantic relationship work it feels like a ton of pressure..

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Anthracite_Impreza
10 minutes ago, Celyn said:

Sod 'em. It's your life.

I know, I'm just scared if they found out they'd not been invited they'd be angry, but then again if they found out they'd probably try to throw me into therapy instead.

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Custard Cream
1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I know, I'm just scared if they found out they'd not been invited they'd be angry, but then again if they found out they'd probably try to throw me into therapy instead.

Keep it as private as you can then, and only invite those you can trust not to go blabbing.

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ElasticPlanet

Marriage is right out for me. In my part of the world at the present time, it doesn't legally recognise nonbinary gender or polyamory, and you have to go through a ceremony to get it. Triple nope.

 

I'm just not interested in relationship escalator type things apart from having a partner. Marriage is still quite strongly associated with cohabiting and a whole load of escalator / patriarchy stuff I want nothing to do with. I know those things aren't compulsory, but I want to visibly stay as far away from them as I can. I've only ever lived in the same home as other people for purely economic reasons, and in enough ways to really matter, it sucks. Never been in a cohabiting-with-partner situation, but it to me it just doesn't appeal.

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Anthracite_Impreza
9 hours ago, CustardCream said:

Keep it as private as you can then, and only invite those you can trust not to go blabbing.

So... none of them then >.<

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Custard Cream
1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

So... none of them then >.<

Oof  - that's not a good answer.

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Anthracite_Impreza
4 minutes ago, CustardCream said:

Oof  - that's not a good answer.

True dow. I'd invite my closest friends, I'd invite many on AVEN, but wouldn't feel comfortable with any of the family. I'm not the only one involved in the decision of course...

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